Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Two minute drill

Lots to get to so I'll jump right in. Because of the amount of stories, we'll keep each topic to a twitterish 160ish characters. Real rigid, I know. Got it? Good.

Lil mama:

She is getting destroyed by the hip-hop community. #lilmamais became a trending topic and it changed my life. some of my favorites #lilmamais "havin a hard time getting into jay-z's after party. and master splinter.

Beyonce: The greatest performer of our generation. I think the only person who cares as much about performing is Kanye. he's not on Beyonce's level, but he puts on great shows because his desire is there.

Lady Gaga: Her coming out party. I've been jocking her for some time now, but people got to see that she really is good. Her live singing was amazing, and her performance was an event. Fake killing herself. Genius. Plus she stole the show with her outfits. The red cover face was amazing. i literally cracked up watching for each one of her costumes outfits.
True Blood: The finale was ok but overall it was pretty underwhelming. There were some great cinematic shots (the bull) and character moments (jessica leaving for a night out) but overall, the cliff hanger was weak and the last four episodes of the season felt like someone frantically finishing a paper before turning it in two minutes later.

Big Love: My new show. It's tight. And the intro sequence is impeccable.

The rams: lead the league with the fewest points scored. 0. *sigh* we'll get em next week. (no we won't)

Big Brother: Jordan won HoH. And it was great to see Kevin and Natalie Squirm. She gave Natalie a pass though. Smart for her. But sucks for america. I didn't see who won i flipped over to

Jay Leno: I like his new show. It's the tonight show. It's just earlier. with no desk while he interviews people. But it's good. I hope he continues to dominate.

Wasted: I really like this song by gucci mane. "I don't wear tight jeans like the white boys. But I do get wasted like the white boys." lol

Patriots: T.O. is mad. he should be. Two catches. And as soon as dude decided to return that kick I knew it was a fumble. Plus tom brady seized the moment and once again got to have one of his, smug ass press conferences. He tries to act so nonchalant, but you can see it on his face that he thinks he's the best thing to ever happen. It's like I know you impregnated Bridget Moynahan and Gisele, and won three superbowls, but do you have to be suck a douche about it. #tombradystrikesagain

Til next time. Over and out

Monday, September 14, 2009

Kanye Was Right

Don't get me wrong. It was Taylor Swift's moment. BUT Kanye Was Right. and I'll defend him since no one else will, and here's why:

1. Single ladies is an ICONIC video. Everyone has seen that video. There have been a ton of imitations on youtube and numerous spoofs on a plethora of comedy shows. There's of course the one move where you stick your arms in front and have them go back...you know what I mean. Anyway, there's no way in H*LL that Taylor swift's video has elicited that kind of reaction from the populous.

2. He exposed just how fraudulent the MTV award process really is. How can Single Ladies will for Best Overall Video, but not Best Female video. For real? This ain't a Caster Semenya issue. Beyonce is ALL woman!! So, can a baseball team be ousted in the first round of the playoffs and win the world series? No. It's beyond reason. MTV is simply trying to give as many awards to as many people as possible, because these stars are vain. They want to win awards. And you have to give them awards or else they're much more likely to skip your show or to decline performing which cuts into your revenue. How you gonna market a show with no stars. But it's also because we want to see our favorite stars be rewarded for their work. We want to watch Taylor's moment, and Beyonce's and Lady gaga's.

3. Would we even be talking about the VMA's if it weren't for Kanye? Nope. I mean, there were some good performances. Beyonce killed it (as usual) . Pink did some crazy trapeez shit and Lady Gaga killed it with her performance. And lil mama ran on the stage at the end. (This by the way is aruably the greatest VMA moment ever, but thats for another time) But the VMA's usual ly have great performances. Beyonce destroyed ring the alarm a couple years ago but no one ever really talked about it. (She's probably the greatest performer of our generation, and the only person I would pay over $200 to see perform live but it's just that serious) MTV just got madddd publicity out of all this. People will tune in next year because of what might happen. Yeah, believe it or not, MTV is thrilled about what went down.

4. Beyonce had to know she was going to win that award. Which again proves how rigged this all is. Taylor Swift was told to wait by the side of the stage. So I honestly have no idea who's idea it was to give her a chance to finish her speech. Maybe it was Beyonce, but maybe MTV set it up. It's all too much for me to try and figure out what really happened.

5. You don't give a fuck about Taylor Swift! No one does. 13 year olds do. And they don't stir shit up about how Kanye is the worst person ever. The media does. And if you do give a fuck about Taylor Swift, and you're over 13, YOU'RE A LOSER. Your life has all been a waste. Just quit now. Quick, name a Taylor Swift song. That's what I thought.

6. I think it's mainly because taylor Swift was a white. woman. If Kanye did that to Soulja Boy, people would be like, that was weird. And just move on. They'd pull a beyonce and say "Ohhh, Kanye." (yeah she mouthed it right after he took the mic and it's hilarious.) But people don't like Kanye anyway, I think it's a sucessful, young, COCKY black man that gets them. Yes he is cocky, and he refuses to stay in his place, and unfortunatly that makes people uncomfortable. And Donald Trump needs to shut his bitch ass up about a boycott Becuzzzz

6a. He had two muthafuckin Miss America's either get busted with dope or takin nude pictures. And then he's all "they deserve a second chance, we all make mistakes." Well if that's the case you should be number one on Kanye's support bandwagon. But we see what it's about with Trump. Money rules all. He has nothing to gain financially so all that second chance talk goes out the window. I'll never believe another word out of his mouth. (Unless of course he's going off on Rosie. Best. Rant. Ever!)

7. Here's one. People get upset at Obama because he calls Kanye a Jackass. But wait a minute. You're bashing Kanye just as much as Obama. But now Obama is the bad guy. Naw dawg, you can't have your cake and hate the black guys two. Pick one black guy to hate, and do ya thang. This just shows that they're actively trying to bring down sucessful black men. If you're truly mad at kanye there's no way you jump on Barack. So they're not really mad at Kanye. He snacthed the mic from a white girl, BOOM, let's get him. And finally

8. IT'S A FUCKIN MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARD. LET ME SAY THAT IN A KANYE-ESQUE ALL CAPS RANT! MTV. VIDEO. MUSIC. AWARD. Not an emmy, not a grammy, not an oscar. The trophy is a fuckin MOONMAN. It's one half step up from that hideous golden popcorn that they reuse every year. (yeah, they don't let them keep that one) The whole thing is a joke. He wasn't in front of congress. Though that Obama Kanye mash-up is hilarious. Listen, I laughed when I saw it. It was funny to me. Why didn't taylor, just say, 'Ok, that's awkward." and then go on thanking people. I mean cmon girl, step yo game up. and with that. I'm done.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

A Woman Scorned

They say hell hath no fury like one. And Jeff learned that the hard way on big brother last night. So basically Jeff screwed his pal Russell and made a deal with Natalie (left) and Kevin (his sworn enemies for like 60 days now). First of all, the only reason he evicted Russ was because Kevin said Russ was planning on backstabbing him. Ummm, Jeff, CONSIDER THE SOURCE!!! Geez. I wonder if Kev has anything to gain from misleading you. But Jeff not willing to lay down decides to reason with Natalie. Well natalie considers the deal, but here's the cold part. In the voting room, Natalie is all like. This is for Jessie! What? for Jessie!? You mean the guy Jeff evicted like five weeks ago. Way to hold onto a grudge bitch. And it was a tie vote so Kevin came out with his diva ass (he's gay) and was like *snap, snap* shut yo trap. Bye Jeff! and he was gone. Which is why I am also wondering about meeting up with this chick next week. Me and her had a thing that didn't end so well, so i'm thinking she may either stand me up, or try to kill me. Note to self: Better make our date at a public, well lit, place. Oh! I also met this girl the other night and she was cute, but she had a big fuckin head. I mean her head was fuckin huge. Like she had steroids injected straight into her dome. Which made me think. Do big head girls give better head? And if they do, do bobblehead proportioned head girls give out of this WORLD head! Honestly, i feel like she gives Mondo Burger Head. Real talk- I am so. Calling. Her. Back! But finishing up my BB thought...Jeff was mad because he was lied to, but you did the same thing to russ last week. As you would say, Cmon Bro...a [big brother] woman scorned? you should have seen it coming.

(As far as who i'm pulling for, I dunno. Natalie Looked kinda good, she almost made it to cutie with a booty territory before she blurted out. This one's for Chima! Ugh, so unnatractive....Michelle (left) who looks like a pig sometimes and cute the next is prolly my best bet. The hottest one Jordan (bottom) is Sooooo dumb, she ain't winnin shit and that will be her downfall. We'll see)

So LeGarrette Blount is suspended for a year after getting nice with a Boise football player. I mean, he DROPPED that other dude. watch the video. But for Hoyt, this has got to be embarrassing. I mean he gets hit and goes straight down. No stagger, he just collapses on himself. But real talk for a second. Hoyt comes over and taps blount on the shoulder and says *something*. Now I don't know what he said, but as Robert Smith of ESPN Gameday says, "there's only one word that he could have said" that would make him go. Hmmmm, what word was that? Death-panel. Public-option. No that's only reason to throw in a town hall meeting. Yeah, I'm guessing he called him the N word. Yeah, if so, he deserved to get clocked. Why hasn't Blount called him on it then. He would get a lot more sympathy that way. *as far as it being a sucker punch. I don't think so, If you watch the clip, blount throws the punch almost immediately after Hoyt taps him on the shoulder and talks shit. Rule number 1, If you talk shit, keep your head on a swivel* But Blount may have already burned up any good will by needing to be held back from going int the crowd. And this wasn't a "hold me back" situation, he needed to be held back or that one guy would have been on the wrong end of a (halo voice) Double kill. All that said, he's a senior, I don't think he should be suspended the entire year. He needs a couple of games to prove that he can play football or else he won't be drafted, and I fear he could end up like maurice clarrett.

-sidenote- Greg Paulus sucks. I can't believe the Syracuse high ups ok'd a duke PG to run their offense. He couldn't make the DUKE team. They haven't won a game in about 6 years. They haven't won multiple games in about 30 years. And they decided to pass (no pun intended). His throws are so weak. They are all of the dreaded "floating duck" variety. The next spiral he throws may freak his receiver the fuck out. It looks like he's still on high school football mode. He needs some of that brady quinn protein shake. first time i saw him throw a pass i was like damnnnn, the other qbs must suck. cuz they pulled him straight off the hard wood and gave him the starting job. i'm sure part of it was to sell tickets and get people talking about Syracuse again. but still, he looks ridic...
Shawty swing my wayyyyyy, Sho look good to me....

Thursday, September 3, 2009

September Call Ups

So yeah, Didn't mean to leave you hanging until September, but It happens right? right. So you know, per usual, whatever.

So Sandra Bullock is on Conan tonight! And she looks amazing. Ok, so the plan was to wait for Britney Spears to shave her head again and wife her up, BUT, I'mma need to go ahead and swoop on Sandra. I just gotta get past that big dummy Jesse James. And not the one that sings "wanted." can't. stand. her. I think it's official. I may have a type. But as for the power rankings (last weeks rank), here we go. Even one surprise call up from Alias making the cut.

1. Sandra Bullock (2) Her movie comes out tmw
2. Tina Fey (1) Always gonna be my girl.
2. Amanda Bynes(3) She's amazing. Follow her on twitter!
4. Jodie Foster (5) Total lez, but I still love her to death
5. Jessica Simpson (-) Single, Dumb, may be my best shot
6. Jennifer Garner(-) Too many kids. But I'd still holla.

Whoa, big news for my boy..

Michael Vick. Welcome back to the league. Week three! That's what's up. I feel Goodell on not wanting you to be the main storyline going into the start of the season, I mean you did lie to his face, but all in all, you got off EASY! If he really wanted his pound of flesh he could have waited until week six and then suspend you so yup. good job my nigga. Just don't fuck up, because I swear those peta degenerates enthusiasts will be all over you...
Donovan wants Michael to succeed.

Well Weeds ended with a bang this season. First of all. Mary Louise-Parker looked GOOD. REALLY GOOD. For the first time in a long time. She got made up real nice. She almost made a run at the power rankings. And without spoiling anything I'm glad that this season was not wasted. Honestly, Season four was garbage, but if you watch season four straight til the end of season 5 it's not that bad. 4 & 5 were essentially an extended season and there were about three solid stand alone episodes between them. Every episode I was like, why am I still watching. Then halfway through this season the threw something out there and I'm like ok. I see you weeds, and then I thought they forgot about it, but they didn't and I'm so happy. I can't wait to see where the series goes from here but hopefully they'll shift the focus back to being a dark comedy and not bland caricature-filled drama. I fucking swear, they were honestly one episode away from blowing it completely. Whew!

Sometimes you gotta double dip. She's hot

Oh man. I saw this today and I fell out because "Autotune the News", got T-Pain to make a cameo. classic. I'll be back to tomorrow to hit on big brother among other things..It got crazy last night, and I'm gonna need a night to process it all.