Thursday, November 11, 2010

Breaking News: MC Hammer Ends Beef With HOV

In a shocking turn of events, what some are calling the "7 Days War" is over. Stanley Burrell (left) has decided to accept Sean Carter's unwillingness to respond to his diss record. Things became heated after King Hammer heard Jay's verse on Kanye West's "So Appalled" in which Jigga stated that he "lost 30 mill so he spent another 30, but unlike hammer 30 million can't hurt me." King Hammer immediately struck back with the number one Dance-Diss Record in America, "Better Run Run." King Hammer took personal swipes at Jay like "Naw naw, I don't rock your wear!" He even includes harder jabs that still resonate like "that boy tried to steal my swag, I saw the prints all over the bag!" No word yet on if Jay-Z ran ran and told Beyonce. But he did tell DJ Semtex, "I didn't know it wasn't on the table for discussion, I didn't know I said anything wrong." Well apparently that was good enough for Stanley, because the beef is officially over. Now you can run run and tell THAT!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Cause all da bitches love me

Since Allen Iverson has been banished to Istanbul, I've had to find a new favorite point guard to call my own. DONE.

Not to mention the fact he dunked on Jerry Stackhouse.

W. -Cmon Son!

George, fuck you doin in Africa? You must really be trippin off that Rangers loss, cuz you know damn well you ain't got no friends in Africa. Especially not the brotha in the right-hand corner

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

You played yourself Part 2

Brad Childress...You played yourself. First of all, you went down to Mississippi to beg a 40 year old man to play football for your team. I mean cmon man, at least consider how it looks for a 54 year old man to beg a 40 year old man to please play for him. Then that same dude Jedi Mind tricks you into paying him 7 million more dollars when you know damn well he got a busted up ankle and an arthritic elbow. So then you go and get Randy Moss. Like you didn't know he was the type to flip out if you serve him lasagna on the Friday preceding an even numbered year's general election before 2:56 pm and after 4:18 am Hawaiian time when he's wearing his blue socks. I mean duhhhhh! Look, You knew that n*gga was Bi-Polar before you gave the Patriots your 3rd round draft pick. Don't try to act like Randy was a bad fit. You knew what you were getting, and quite honestly, you only played yourself.

You Played Yourself Part 1

Jerral "Jerry" Wayne Jones...(yeah I wiki'd ya name) You Played Yourself ! A buddy of mine who worked out for your team once told me that you "smelled like money." Now I know you didn't get that way from being stupid, but you went out and spent all that money on a top of the line stadium, that is absolutely gorgeous, and your team is 1-6. PAUSE. I mean, real talk, that's like if an NBA player went out and bought a billion dollar house, got a phantom in front, but still ain't fuckin no model chicks. I don't know where to start. It's pretty bad when after each game Wade Phillips just throws his hands in the air and gives that "is he really gonna force me to coach the next game?" look. The Cowboys are undisciplined. Your team starts hittin dougies and high fivin if they win the coin toss. It's gotten to the point where I'm pretty sure every Sunday JaMarcus Russell watches the game while sipping some codeine in his living room and thinks to himself "Man the cowboys are garbage."

And quick shout out to Cowboys really gonna boo a man that ain't started a game in 2 years!?!? You mad or somethin???

Monday, November 1, 2010

Trap Games

"In the trap with some Killas and some Hood N*ggas...Where you at? Where's your trap, you ain't Hood N*gga." -Waka Flocka aka Flockaveli excerpt from "Hard in Da Paint"

Sunday at Ford Field, as Usher would put, the Redskins got caught up.
I don't even know where to begin. Is it the 37 points allowed, no. We're not going to bury the lead. There are very few things my cousin understands well. For instance, he truly believes that Waka Flocka is a great rapper. *BLANK STARE* All I'm going to say about waka is that it's a good thing that n*gga rhymes with N*gga or he'd be finished. Anyway, my cousin is only 12, but he plays madden and he does understand that Rex Grossman sucks. Back in 06, (when he loved playing with the bears) we made a rule that if Rex Grossman is subbed in the game due to injury we're allowed to quit no questions asked. Cut to 2010 & Mike Shanahan inexplicably subbing in Rex Grossman to lead the team to victory. Then, out of nowhere, Rex Grossman goes Rex Grossman on the very first play.

I don't think people can really appreciate how clutch that was for Rex. I mean, imagine if somebody just goes up to you and says, "ok, be funny." Pretty difficult spot right? Rex comes in cold, and gives us vintage Rex in one take. I mean even Bron's 60 minutes half court shot has to give him props. Kudos Rex, you only get one shot. Do NOT miss your chance to blow!

Look. As Ochocinco said on the T.Ocho show--(quality tv if you're not watching btw)--"if anybody thinks that Rex Grossman gives they team the best chance to win, then they need to slap theyself!"

I may post the numbers later, but there's no comparison. Just off the top of my head, McNabb has 24 fourth quarter comebacks to Grossman's 0. (Romo also has a goose egg.) McNabb has never finished a season with more INTs than TDs and Grossman has done it 4 times. 6 Probowls. Is in the top 3 at protecting the ball among quarterbacks through his career. Has thrown nearly 200 more TDs than Grossman. Grossman btw has thrown more INTS 36 than TDs 33 for his career, and that's not even getting at the biggest problem.

His SUPPORTING CAST! It's eerily similar to the Rush Limbaugh days when people would say McNabb was the problem even though he had no weapons. Even Todd Pinkston (video below) thinks it's a good idea to cut McNabb some slack. Who can McNabb throw to in Washington? Ryan Tourain is the running back. The O-line is garbage. You get four milliseconds of protection and then the ball has to be out, or you need to run for your life. Which he did, 4 carries for 45 yards, which by the way LED THE TEAM IN RUSHING. Good work Running backs! You're right Mike Shanahan, the guy on 2 bad hammy's...he's out of shape.

The receivers are Chris Cooley(ok fine), Anthony Armstrong (who?), old ass Santana Moss, and an older ass Joey Galloway. What you know about "big game" Keiland WILLIAMS!!!??? All I'm sayin is, every time McNabb drops back it's like watching a scene out of the Hurt Locker. Is he gonna defuse the bomb in time? or does he just need to give up and try to escape the blast radius? It's compelling to say the least...

Classic Pinkston.