Sunday, July 31, 2011

Welcome back...Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back

Okay, first thing is first. Soulja boy did not buy a $55 million dollar jet. BUT, I think this was just a PR attempt. I give credit to Soulja Boy cause (1) he responded to my wall post on facebook and (2) he does have $55 million. He just doesn't want to spend it on a jet (and no Darius, he won't have to liquidate all his assets for it).

But, in order to deflect attention from him, and going with the post below about effective advertising. Here are my OOPS moments right now:

Remember Kobe's ridiculously homoerotic all white photoshoot?
This here on the left was definitely a PR mistake. So when you think about Soulja Boy's people messing up, you can always refer to the whole photoshoot for Kobe Bean here. C'Mon son.

Okay, so that might not have been the worst PR mistake in the world. That one goes to Amare. Every athlete's dream is to be on the cover of ESPN the magazine. I feel like his people got tricked, cause they basically said "we'll let you be on the cover if you make an absolute fool out of yourself". Don't believe me? You can see the whole THING for yourself. COME ON SON! Drake voice.

The Eight Hates
1. If I say a celebrity is not hot (eg. "I don't even think Heidi Montag is that hot".) PLEASE do not respond with "dude you know if she was next to you you'd want to bang her". THAT MEANS NOTHING. Celebrities are all on a different scale. It's like me saying J.J. Redick sucks at basketball. He doesn't suck cause he's in the NBA, but as an NBA player he sucks. Note: This is a bad example cause Redick actually is terrible. Proof.
2. Lady at Costco, I'm 23 years old. Don't ask me if my mom says its okay if I can sample the teriyake chicken. First of all, I'm 23. Second of all, no one is allergic to chicken.
3. Person I'm out at dinner with. Please wait until I get my food before you send your food back. I don't want my food to get spit in just because your soup isn't warm enough or you "didn't like the taste of your dish". Too bad, that's part of the risk of eating, you might not like what you order.
3. AT&T U-Verse. Don't tell me "Congratulations, you qualify for AT&T U-Verse" and then come to install it and tell me "oh, you need to be 3,000 ft away from a're about at 3,010 right now." Move your damn box closer asshole.
4. Haircut lady who charges $12 for a haircut. I am going to tip you, don't worry. When I give you a 20, don't give me 8 just makes me mad.
5. People who make me feel bad for watching TV. "Oh it's a beautiful day outside and you're just watching TV". So what. I want to watch the bachelor and that's my choice. It's going to be outside tomorrow, but if I don't watch the bachelor tonight, someone's going to spoil it on facebook. No one can spoil tomorrow's weather on facebook.
6. How the radio can get me to love any song by playing it enough ("How to Love" by Lil' Wayne).
7. That awkward moment when you comment on someone's facebook photo and then the next day you're on limited profile. YOU ADDED ME BITCH.
8. People who are under 40 and do not have texting plans....You want me to call you instead of text you? No. I'm not hanging out with you.

I can't wait for the NFL season to start

Friday, July 29, 2011

Effective Advertising

Might be watching Project Runway this year.  Also, I fuckin hate Seal.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Roundup: McNabb, Media, and "Mouisture"

First, quick shout out to Randiesel F Baby on an excellent post.   

My only response is that while Brett Favre may not have sent those pictures, Brett Favre is DEFINITELY the type that sends pictures of his dick to women.  He probably mass texts women and sees how many replies he gets back.  The corresponding message is probably something like "y or n?"

NFL Roundup:

Donovan is free!!! I'm so happy, but leave it to ESPN to rain on my parade and immediately start disparaging Donovan and saying he's washed up. Look I understand it was a bad year, but I've been over it before, the man was all alone. 

But I was a little shocked to hear not 2 seconds later all the praise of the Titans for signing Hasselbeck who statistically speaking has had less success than Donovan.  I have no idea why people take shots at Donovan and why he's so criticized, but I might have to play the race card.  I don't understand how he's always the fall guy.

Somebody explain to me how Santonio Holmes got a 5 year 50 million (24 guaranteed) deal?

This is T.J. Houshmandzadeh to the Seahawks all over again.  Teams gotta know that you don't give Robin "Batman Money."  Unless the Jets sign Braylon, or another big target that can draw attention away from Holmes this seems really stupid.  I just don't wanna hear about how Santonio is a number 1 receiver.  It's like when your boy introduces the homies to his girl talking about "she's the one" and everyone can see that she's a rottweiler.

Carson Palmer: Um, lets back it up to 06
Under the reworked deal, Palmer will get a $15 million bonus -- paid on Feb. 16 -- and a base salary of $6.75 million next season. The Bengals owe him a $9 million option by Jan. 1, 2007; they'll have the option of letting the rest of the deal take effect or nullifying it at that time, but have to pay the same amount either way.
His base salaries will increase during the deal, topping out at $14 million in 2014. He'll also get $1 million roster bonuses for each of his last three seasons, bringing the total amount of the reworked, nine-year deal to $118.75 million.
Call me naive, but I don't understand how it could be that terrible to play a game for many millions of dollars. 

Big Brother Roundup:

Bitches: Rachel sucks.  Brenda is a bitch.  And he has no real reason to be a bitch.  Rachel's personality sucks.  And she doesn't have a cute face.  I was watching big brother After dark and I also learned that she doesn't have ass.  Which means one thing, Brendan must not be able to get pussy.  Before Rachel, he was the NBA player that orders the hotel's porn and jacks off before falling to sleep at 11.  I mean he's a decent looking guy that's been on tv, I don't understand why he's putting the pussy on a pedestal.

Hot girls: I grew to love Cassi because she is so frickin hot.  I mean, Damn.

Shelly and Kalia suck: Shelly looks like a truck driver, and Kalia is built like the Michelin man. 

Dom throwing the POV because he's confident he's safe: You never throw the POV. Ever. You win the POV then see what happens.  Also, you never throw the POV.  And you certainly never throw the POV at the behest of the person who put you on the block in the first place! If he goes home that's all on him.  Another rookie mistake.  But we'll get to that.

Rachel and Brendan's control issues:  I want Rachel and Brendan on the block.  But I don't think this will happen with all the rookie mistakes.  What pisses me off the most is that Rachel and Brendan want to win HOH and POV so that they have total control on any given week.  They don't even want to do anything game-wise with it, they want people to grovel/make deals/kiss the rings.  The Brenchel ego is outta control. 

The rookies moment of realization:

As I watched BBAD it became clear that the rookies are realizing that they've signed their own death warrants.  That by refusing to play the game and taking shelter under the wings of the veteran alliance they have essentially created a snake that eats it's own tail and ingests itself. Follow me:

Kalia, and Shelly now understand that they need Dom there to play.  Problem is the vets have Porsche mind washed, and Adam is the weaker of the two, so it's to their benefit to have him around for longer.  Even with Kalia, Lawon, Danielle, and Shelly's votes the newbies would have to convince Brendan, Jeff, Jordan or Porsche to vote with them.  Only the latter might and she won't. 

Fact: Kalia, Lawon, Shelly, Porsche, and Adam will never nominate a veteran for eviction.  1. they'd have to win an HOH.  And 2.  They'd probably be too sacred to nominate a vet for fear of "making an enemy."  Hell when they had a chance to make a power move, Shelly snitched on Dom and Danielle for no reason other than to get Rachel and Brendan brownie points.  Bitch move.

For the first time in a big brother season, NOBODY wants blood on their hands.  *except the veterans* who are slaughtering the newbies one by one while jedi mind tricking them into thinking they're on the same side and will bring them to the end.  

I don't understand how no one seems to realize that they're next.

Everyone has a deal with the vets, and everyone thinks they're safe.  

As long as Porsche sticks with the vets, the rest of the newbies will get picked off one by one, because Porsche will vote with the vet block and eliminate the stronger of the 2 remaining newbies. 

So enjoy your golden key Adam, cuz they ain't comin after Kalia, Lawon, or Shelly next week.

Had the newbies grown some balls the first week, they could have had a shot.  Now they have no endurance competitors left (assuming Dom gets voted out tonight) which means they'll lose tonight's HOH and another newbie will be sent home by other newbies who vote the way the vets want them too because it'll guarantee them 7 mores days in the BB house.  It's pathetic.

If ever there was a time when we needed a big brother twist, it's right now.  Cmon Julie! 

In closing, this is why other countries hate us:

Monday, July 11, 2011

First Rounds Draft Picks Coming, Who is Randiesel F Baby Coming

Okay first things first. I have been reading this blog for a long time, and finally on my first post. A few things about me so you know what to expect.

I believe:
1. Soulja Boy Tell 'Em is the best rapper in the game right now because he makes the best YouTube videos and plays Xbox Live.
2. The Warriors are the best basketball team in the NBA right now because they score more points than everyone else, and that's how you win...
3. Brett Favre did not send those pictures.

However, this blog post is going to be about one thing, the best show out there right now, Big Brother. For those that don't watch it's pretty much Survivor, inside a big house, with no physical competition. It's the ultimate mind-fuck.

Here are the current cast members:
Occupation: Music Inventory Manager (stock boy?)
Description: Older rocker guy who claims to love bacon and is a huge fan.

Occupation: Model
Occupation she told everyone: "Student" (I will elaborate on this more)
Description: Super hot and has a southern accent.

Occupation: Student
Occupation he said: I forget, but it was something dumb and non-student.
Description: Complete mamma's boy.

Occupation: Writer
Occupation she said: She is the equivalent to Carrie from SATC.
Description: Seems to be super into herself.

Occupation: Deacon/Youth-Minister
Occupation he said: I don't remember, something dumb and non-religious.
Description: He is my favorite contestant right now. He's super into himself and thinks he's a chick magnet. He said "the Lord said be fruitful and multiply, so that's what I'm going to do." HAHA

Occupation: Legal File Clerk
Description: Super flamboyant, and.... flamboyant. Dresses hilariously.

Occupation: VIP Cocktail Waitress
Occupation she said: Student
Description: Fake boobs, and I'm pretty sure VIP Cocktail Waitress means stripper...

Occupation: Hunter
Description: She looks like she has gone through the TV show Survivor.

They also brought back some big dynamic duos. ED and Daniele, Rachel and Brandon, and Jeff and Jordan. I'm stuck because I really like ED and Daniele but also Jeff and Jordan.

This season looks to be one of the best yet. I really need to get on this show.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Movies, Summer, and Women

Let's make one thing absolutely clear right off the bat....

I'd smash Casey Anthony and so would you.

sidenote: yes, "the many faces of Casey Anthony" blog is on the way. She's got some good ones.

Double sidenote: fuck that douchebag on the right. I don't even know where to start. The "i'm too cool for a full smile" face. Or the fact that he probably says things like "pussy, bro, pussy. cmon bro let's get some pussy" ALL THE TIME. But Casey likes brothas!?!?!? LEGGO!!!
I haven't been blogging lately because let's face it, there's just not too much poppin in St. Louis. however, that does not mean that I should be slacking on my duties in the pop culture realm. This means I'm back, minutia and all. Speaking of which...

Big Brother comes on tonight. Big Brother is one of the best reality shows on tv, but people give me funny looks when I say I'm a fan. Completely their loss.

Movies I wanna see, but my friends are lame and won't go see them with me:

Transformers (I'm a sucker for a good teaser trailer)
Cowboys and Aliens
Friends With Benefits
Crazy, Stupid, Love (Fucking, Awful, Name)
Super 8
Bad Teacher
Horrible Bosses
Captain America

So there's this girl, but I can't decide if she's cute or not. So what do I? I do what any guy would do, I get my boys to weigh in. The problem is they can't tell either. Further complicating matters is the fact that she knows my friends so I can't smash and dash. Look, I'm pretty sure she's cute, but there are times when this is how i feel.

And now for a much overdue power rankings: Actress Addition

5. Jodie Foster - She'll always have a place in my heart. She may be a total lez, but I don't care. Two words: Panic Room.

4. Anne Hathaway (+2)- Probably gonna go up after she plays Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises

3. Sandra Bullock (+0) - She will probably always be in my top three. Truth be told, if I had my pick of any of these women she would probably be the hardest to turn down. I'm not even sure if I would.

2. Tina Fey (-1) - Her deciding to have a second baby, with another man, is ultimately what cost her the top spot. Still haven't finished bossypants. The first 30 pages are great though.

1. Blake Lively (+8) Rising young actress + The Private Lives of Pippa Lee + Hot girl with guys name + "Leaked" nude iphone photos. I'd wife her in a minute!