Sunday, October 30, 2011

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Tina Fey Is My Hero

Today I saw the DVD for Season 5 of 30 Rock on sale and it made me so proud of Tina Fey.  It seems like just a few years ago I was watching the pilot in my dorm and telling everyone that the show was amazing.  (And let me tell you, 30 rock is a hard sell in Ujamaa.)  When I saw the season five label on the cover, I started thinking about how incredibly it is difficult to make 5 solid seasons (over 100 episodes) of a show.  Congrats Tina!  You're the best.    

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Top 5 Tuesday

Top 5 shows that are on the decline

I hate it when one of my favorite shows becomes a source of frustration.  It happens far too often now as people are more interested in staying on air than committing to their artistic vision.  But sometimes people just fuck all the way up.  Let's go through some of our favorites.

Dexter:  Status: Just not as good as it used to be.

This isn't even a terrible thing, because the show has been excellent for years now, but the show is slipping.  It's not as compelling as it was in seasons past.  Part of the problem is that in Dexter there's no sense of suspense.  Nothing ever sticks to Dexter.  An interesting cliff hanger gets dangled and then immediately resolved at the start of the next episode.  I'd rather there not be cliffhangers than to have cliffhangers for the sake of having them.

True Blood: Status:  Wily vet, that can still bring it in a big game, but is inconsistent over the course of a long season.
The show might be a victim of it's own popularity.  Sometimes it feels like they pander to the masses.   They've got a problem with cliffhangers as well, but my main gripe is that it feels like the writers write to stay on the air.  The first season felt like the writers knew how they wanted the show to feel and they went all in with a sense of conviction.  Subsequent seasons all have this "please renew us" feel to them.  BUT I will say, they still have some cool moments from time to time.    

Modern Family:  Status: Sharp Decline. 

I'm giving season three a chance, but season 2 pretty much repeated the same jokes as season 1.  I get it, Phil is clueless.  Manny says things an adult would say. etc...    If season three finds new ways to make these characters react to funny situations then there might be hope.  But I'm not drinking the Modern Family kool-aid.  The Emmy's fucked up and lost all credibility by not giving Steve Carell an emmy.  If you're not going to give it to Jim Parsons, give Steve an Emmy for all the ones he should have gotten.

The Office: Status:  Somebody needs to put this dog down.

Ed Helms may be the biggest "star" on the office, but he seems ill equipped to carry a show.  Makes it all the more impressive what Steve Carell did.  Even when the show wasn't at it's funniest, Steve Carell still made it enjoyable to watch.

Weeds:  Status:  Worst show on tv, that is still on tv.
I hate that Jenji Kohan is still getting a paycheck.  I hate that she took everything that was great about weeds and literally burned it to the ground.  I hate that she's so smug about weeds.  Like whenever weeds gets picked up she tries to act like it's still a good show and they have great things in the works.  I mean, I wouldn't be this upset if she would at least acknowledge how terrible the show has been, but she won't.  I hate that I still watch weeds even though it's horrible.  Until Conrad returns I want nothing to do with show.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Women are out of control!

I'm tired of wack bitches.  And I'll even go as far to say that all of us are tired of wack bitches.  Women are getting out of control.  Now there are some great women out there.  Smart, beautiful, wonderful, caring, and inspirational women.  But then there are the bitches whose stank attitudes could be used to clear out frat parties.  They come with foul dispositions, blackberry twitter accounts, a fondness of mixing in a few big words to sound smarter, knockoff Louis Vuitton bags, inspirational Rev Run quotes,  and an inexplicable sense of entitlement.  They've completely thrown off the balance of men and women. As I sat at home troubled by this phenomenon, an uncomfortably light skinned black man by the name of Chris Broussard came on my tv and that's when it occurred to me that our situation is almost exactly the same as the relationship between NBA players and owners.  We're at an impasse gentlemen.  The future of the game is at stake.Which is why I propose we lockout.  Yes fellas, we need a new collective bargaining agreement with women.

Now I'm sure you're thinking, what if these bitches find out about my plan to lockout.  Don't worry, the women I'm speaking of don't own laptops and can only access the internet through their phones.  It would eat up too much of their data plan to load this page.  We're good.  Let's continue:

The issues:

1. Nicki Minaj and Rihanna worship needs to stop.  

2. Hating on Michael Vick/ Ben Roethlisberger needs to stop.

3. Game playing needs to stop!

4. Revenue Sharing needs to start!

One of my closest and dearest friends told me she was going out with a guy because she wanted some good food...for free.

You went on a date with a man because you're HUNGRY!?!?


So how do we address these issues:
1.  Decertify

2.  Give some of these bitches the veteran minimum.

3.  Stop giving below average women the mid level exception.

4.  Don't allow role players to get max deals.

Personally, I'm only fuckin with world beaters from now on.  Because if we have to pay max dollars anyway, why not seek out max talent.  Every girl wants a max deal now.  That's the problem.  Average girls need to understand their value.  And average is not bad,  I actually used to deal only with average chicks just because they were so much more down to earth. That's not the case anymore, which is why we need to reestablish the tiers so that we can pay players accordingly.  Now I know they'll never accept a salary cap, but if we're smart they don't have too.  It's our fault that some girls egos are inflated beyond their tier.  It makes sense on paper that you can't give a max deal to an average player.  But all it takes is one desperate owner to overpay for an average player and then that raises the asking price for all higher tiered women.


1.  If we text you, text back. Promptly.

2.  Say what you mean.  Pretty fuckin simple, but largely ignored.

3.  If you only want friendship, you better insist on splitting everything. No. Free. Meals. 
Look, I'm not going to pretend to have all the answers, but I do know one thing; we need to lockout before it's too late.  I'm out.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

The Top 5

It just seems like every time I blog I'm talking about how I don't blog enough, so I am giving myself the seven post in seven days challenge.  Did it before, I'll do it again.  There's a lot to talk about this week so I think I can make this work.  But first I figured I show the athletic ladies some love today.  I think this'll be a weekly bit.  Just top 5 something.  Yeah, top five Tuesday.  I like it.  So here we go.   Top five female athletes I'd wife right now.

5.  Hope Solo- ESPN the body.  Dancing with the stars.  I love Hope Solo because she's thick.  She's not the stick figure type that's a dime a dozen in hollywood.  Something's off about Hope though.  She's weird. And stiff.  And not good weird, like one day she's watering the grass naked, the next day she's shittin in your prius weird.  I can't seem to get a read on her.  You know what it is, I feel like she's channeling that hot chick from Mars Attacks that acts like she's gonna fuck you and then rips your balls out.  But I mean, if it comes my way, I'll take it.

4.  Lolo Jones- Just saw her on sportsnation the other day.  That show sucks, but when beadle isn't annoying she's easy on the eyes.  Anyway, I'm literally only watching for about 5 seconds and then I see a chick that's not beadle so I stay a little longer, and i'm like who is this white girl talkin like a sistah and rockin a nice tan.  Then I googled her and found out she's half black.  I love it. Cute face, GREAT personality, (follow her on twitter) Lolo's my girl. 

3.  Sue Bird- She's crazy good.  I can stare at her all day.  She's cute, and she can hoop.  I actually almost bought her WNBA jersey, but they don't make em in men's sizes:(.  Her assists are insane, she's super hot, but still has girl next door appeal.  Doesn't get any better than that.  However, her unwillingness to join the twitterverse is holding her back from being ranked higher.

2.  Diana Taurasi- I can't even explain why I like her.  Maybe it's how smooth her skin looks.  Maybe it's because I can't have her.  Apparently she's into the ladies.  She's got crazy ass though, and a nice jumper to boot.  I def bought 2 copies of her EPSN the body cover.  Plus she's taller than me.  Long story short, I'm not giving up hope.

1.  Becky Hammon - She plays like Allen Iverson, which is the reason I was attracted to her at first.  I mean besides the fact that she's gorgeous.  Other than that, she seems humble, and she's always got a chip on her shoulder.   I like Becky a lot.  

Honorable mention/Front runner: Jeannette Pohlen

Yeah you knew it was coming.  Don't even get me started on her.  I have pined over her for the past 3 years.  Great game, great personality, great spirit.  I'll just say it, she makes me wanna be her Tony Romo.  Love that girl.  And this is despite the fact that she always shoots me down.  But that's fine.  I'm not giving up.  She's my Laura Winslow.  And last time I checked, Urkel fucked.  I think the last time I talked to her, I asked her to dance at a frat party, and she was like "maybe later."  So you're tellin me there's a chance!

Monday, October 3, 2011

Happy Birthday Gwen!

Here's the kicker, she's 42! Damn...

and this commercial still perfectly captures my feelings on the creative process.

Happy birthday boo!