Saturday, February 25, 2012

12 Observations

-Beth Behrs is the main reason I still watch 2 Broke Girls.

-People should feel free to hate Chris Brown forever (ever, ever), but is it really necessary to demonize others that wish him the best, hope he's learned from his past, and has matured to the point where nothing like that ever happens again.

-Ryan Braun tests positive for synthetic testosterone, doesn't deny using synthetic testosterone, and somehow manages to convince the MLB to throw it out.  Roger Clemens would be proud.

-St. Louis sucks.  It is almost impossible to meet anybody new.  Every party is just a grab bag of the same old dirtbags you knew in high school.

-I don't care if LMFAO makes the same song over and over again, "Party Rocking" is a way of life.  (The Zebra a few seconds after 4:05 KILLS ME)


-The Office has been on a little mini tear since this Florida storyline came into play.  Michael who?

-Twitter needs to find a balance between people promoting their brand and people live tweeting their stream of consciousness. Actual tweet I read today: "I entertain myself lol" It's the "lol" on the end that I find particularly infuriating.

-I hate facebook, but I can't bring myself to deactivate. So basically, I can never try crack.

-I give up on girls.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  Where are the smart and funny girls? I mean legit smart too, not "I have to constantly tell people I'm smart so people don't assume I'm stupid" "smart."

-Sometimes I wonder if I can make the case for the 3rd Back to the Future being the best one.

-2 black presenters at the Oscars.  (Halle, and Chris Rock) But hey, that's 2 more than last year.

-LeBron and D-Wade react to "Linsanity."

Saturday, February 18, 2012

My Favorite Things of 2011 Part 2

Oh yeah, remember when I said part 2 would be tmw.  Well I meant a month and a half later.  So let's get into it.

Bad Teacher - I’ve talked about it before.  Loved Cammy D’s performance.   Great anti-hero. Critics panned this one, but if you like Jason Segal, and a main character that acts like an ass, you'll enjoy this.  Treat. yo. self!


Let Me In - So cool.  One of my favorite young actresses Chloe Moretz killed it. Again.  She destroyed in kick ass, and this creepy movie was actually a lot of fun to watch. 


New Girl - Always adorable Zooey D has decided to do tv (probably because it's a recession, and there's nothing wack about paying the bills)  My only thing is, who starts on tv and moves to television.  Anyway, it's funny, and it's quirky as you might expect a Deschanel project to be.  I can't see this going for too many years though.  Zooey is cut out for the big screen.  I give it three seasons, mainly because every white girl in her 20s loves this show. 



Community - When everyone wants you to do something it's almost impossible to live up to the hype.  Community's paintball 2 part finale did just that.  I still have those episodes saved on my DVR.  It's a shame that NBC has decided to put community on Hiatus, but we've at least been assured that the remaining episodes will all air.  I just hope NBC realizes that people watch the show, they just don't appointment watch it.  Smartest comedy on tv, silliest comedy on tv, best comedy on tv.




The NBA - Even though haters jumped on the bad wagon, the "new heat as villains" storyline fueled the NBA.  All the way to the end as Dirk eventually slayed Goliath.  The Heat are back this year, as the NBA looks to piggy back on a season that everyone was at least mildly invested in.




Big Love Finale -  The finale, while shocking, did a nice job of wrapping up what was a revolutionary series.  Even though the show was about polygamy, they dealt with it in a way that made the Henrickson's relate-able to every family.  The show was spectacularly well written and I'm almost glad it never got a huge following because from start to finish I felt like it was my show.  I wish true blood would have gone that route. 

Man I miss this family

Scream 4 - Normally reboots and remakes fail miserably, but the great thing about Scream is that the writing has always been the impetus for the films, not the cash. Kevin Williamson and Wes Craven teamed up once again to bring us back to Woodsboro for another go at the thriller/comedy genre.  It certainly didn't disappoint, and  I hope what they're saying is true about doing a 5 and 6 because I trust these guys completely with the brand.  Things I learned: Hayden Panettiere could shave her head and she'd still be sexy as fuck. 

Comedians on twitter - I think twitter was meant for jokes.  So I try to add an angle to my tweets to keep them entertaining.  But my favorite distraction on twitter is following a list of comedians.  A lot of times they are laugh out loud funny.

ex 1  @wayansjr  "Ripping the plastic bag off my dry-cleaning always makes me feel a little rape-ee. ! !"

ex 2 @jenstatsky "Just read that plumbers in major cities make up to 250k a year, so go ahead and let that boob pop outta your bathrobe, ladies!"

ex 3 @thekidmero "SO MANY EASY MONEY SCHEMES FOR ATTRACTIVE FEMALES WITH BIG TITS B, NAHMEAN IF YOU HAVE CLEAVAGE AND KNOW HOW TO REMOVE THE CAP FROM A BEER BOTTLE & PUT LIQUIDS INSIDE A GLASS YOU CAN BARTEND AND MAKE WILD $"

Casey Anthony / Amanda Knox - So Amanda Knox probably didn't do it, and Casey Anthony probably did.  Doesn't matter, because they're both hot, and I'd gladly bang either if I had the chance.


Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - The show has come a long way since it's rocky start.  But I love that Jimmy and his writers have carved out a corner of the late night viewership for themselves.  If I know a celeb is doing the talk show circuit, I'll take their interview with Jimmy over anybody else.  Plus he's always playing weird games, doing crazy spoofs, or slow jamming the news with Brian Williams.



After Lately- I like this show a lot.  I don't think Chelsea's standup or unscripted show is particularly funny, but she shines in sketch.  And this show really brings her comedic strenghts to the forefront.  I love how she plays an asshole version of herself and her coworkers are goofballs.  It works.  Watch the show.  Also, I am in love with Sarah Colonna (left). 



Discount Double Check / Cam Newton Superman - aka the dinosaur - aka ace boogie - aka superman aka swag man.




True Grit - It's been a while since I've seen this, but Hailee Steinfeld (the young girl/lead actress) killed it in this movie.  Even opposite Matt Damon, Josh Brolin, andJeff Bridges there's no question who's movie this is the entire time.  She commands the attention of the viewer, and earned her acemedy award nomination.




United States of Tara finale - (pic below) unfortunately this show met an early demise, and thus wasn't given a true sense of closure. I'm ok with that though, because there are no "storybook" endings in life.  I'd rather a story end with plenty of loose threads than to get an uninspired, hollywood, nice little bow on everything ending.  I will say this though, when it was on, it was the one show on my dvr that I never had to be in the mood for.  great writing, great acting, i'm gonna miss these characters.

Favstar - Favstar is great because it's a neat little too that let's you track how your tweets get faved/retweeted and it lets you see what other people are faving and retweeting.  It also let's you see the "greatest hits" of other people on twitter.  It's extremely helpful for finding new and interesting people to follow.

AS far as blogs go big ghost chronicles and alyson's association.

Big Ghost Chronicles: Reviewing a Drake record

"A forreal....this sounds like the soundtrack to some Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants type shit son. I forget who the broad he got singin the hook on this muthafucka is...but i think its Renee Zellweger or some shit. I feel like Im inside a Barnes & Noble or a Starbucks b..."


Alyson's Association: A take on 2 Broke Girls ( that I COMPLETELY agree with)

"There is a lot wrong with this show. I'm praying that the writers are figuring their shit out and in the next few weeks we'll see some changes, but despite all of this the show has a lot of promise. The two leads work well together and the premise is good. Most of the jokes are stale or predictable, but there are some moments that shine (Max discovering Caroline's bedroom). It's these moments that they don't rely on Kat Dennings just spouting out one-liners that I'm really laughing. And if this show cleans up its act then I'm sure I'll love this show."


Kevin Durant Lockout tour- While it appeared that basketball was going to be lost for a year, Kevin Durant took it upon himself to entertain the masses.  He played flag football with regular kids and LeBron, he played at y,mca's and blacktops, and he dropped 66 at rucker park.  Kevin Durant just made basketball fun when things looked grim.  I mean, look at these kids storming the court and tell me you're not down with KD.


Nike basketball commercials- One of my dream jobs would be making commercials for Nike.  These guys are truly the best.  I could pick probably 6 from this past year that were amazing, the D-Wade flight, LeBron's Sinatra, but I'll just put the lockout commercial up instead.  Basketball Never Stops!



Parker Posey-  She's kind of my ideal woman.  I don't have much more to say than I would marry her in a minute.  Maybe she's at the top of my depth chart.  I dunno, I'll probably have to do a new power rankings soon to reflect how this woman has captured my heart.  She killed on The Big C this year too.  Here's to hoping we get more of her next season, and on this season of Parks and Rec.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Super Bowl Thoughts

I don't think I've ever felt more complete at the end of a football season.  Well except for the 2007 season.  Anyway...I've been meaning to write this for a while.  But here are my random thoughts from the super bowl.  Leggo...

Patriots Fans...
I was about to be done with football forever if the Patriots won another championship.  Fuck Brady.  Fuck Belichick and his speedy/ tiny receivers.  Fuck all this "patriot way" nonsense.  I'm so glad they lost.  and here are my thoughts about the game + some random pictures



1.  Like James Harrison always says "Cheaters never win!"


2.  Can you imagine if Ahmad Bradshaw had gone down as the goat for scoring the go ahead touchdown.  the pure fuckery sportscenter would have subjected me to if Belichick would have "tricked" Bradshaw into the endzone and Brady leads team for the win.

Loose bowels, the shit's so easy.

3.  Gronk's ankle was hurt.  And I'm glad it was hurt.  I hope that shit never heals.  Ankle looks good to me.  But Gronk, where da girls at?


4.  Wilfork gotta quit kissin on Robert Kraft though...



5.  Giselle might be the perfect woman.



6.  Maybe they should beef up security a lil bit.



7.  When Eli Manning beats you twice, IN THE SUPERBOWL, this is the kind of shit you open yourself up to.

And now the "Bradying" portion of our program:

Bradying on a water slide.

Bradying out of respect.

 Your guess is as good as mine. 


And finally, the best way to sum up the season...





Sunday, February 12, 2012

Somethin Ain't Right (RIP Whitney)

Unfortunately Whitney Houston passed away yesterday.  She was a legend, icon, blah blah blah, crack episode, blah, she was trying to recover, nobody's perfect blah, rick james joke, whatever.  Let me just put this out there, no, I am not happy whitney is dead.  I'm just not not happy Whitney is dead.  I honestly don't care that much.  She was cool and all, but she got real rich and famous and chose to spend her money on crack, couldn't kick the habit, and she died.  At least Whitney gave us a bit of a breather from Linsanity, so for that, she's earned a moment of silence.



But there seems to be this thing now whenever something happens, people have an incredible desire to be the first one to tell you.  As if they're breaking news, when in fact, they did no actual reporting.  So when someone "breaks news" on twitter, they're simply telling you what someone told them.  One girl on my twitter feed just live tweeted everything CNN said.  As if I needed her to sit in front of a television and close caption CNN for me.  that alone is annoying.  But when people start getting preachy on twitter it's like, what are you doing.  You know this is twitter right?  No one cares what you think.  we'll get back to this point though.

Oh btw, Whitney has officially ruined the grammys from the grave.  You can't tell me this isn't the "throw a sticky grenade because you're gonna die" of deaths.  I just wish she would have been more considerate and died on monday, or at least 15 minutes after the grammys are over..  I mean it was already going to be a boring show.  Sidebar:  why do people always say, "man that was the worst *insert award show here* ever.  It was so boring."  the quality of the show has not changed.  what has changed is the amount of information at our fingertips every moment of the day.  everything is boring now.  Try going to lunch with someone and see if they aren't constantly checking their phone.  it's the "i know you're right here, but think about what could possibly be awaiting me on my phone."  just the idea that it could literally tell you anything is enough to make everything else boring in comparison. Same thing with award shows.  We're cutting out 3 hours or so, and it's like, hmm, what else could we be doing during this time?  and of course the thing you could potentially doing is always going to trump what you're actually doing.  so whatever, back to my point ----

whitney is going to ruin the grammys because it will obviously have to be her night and everything will revolve around her.  Sorry, but whitney didn't define me growing up.  Women on the other hand....I get it.  They sat around in their rooms listening to whitney while drawing hearts in their journals...it makes sense.  but as a guy, no, whitney means nothing to me personally. but I mean, girls are losing their shit on twitter over the whitney crackkills cocaine is a helluva drug jokes.  getting back to my people being preachy point, It all seems like fair game to me, but I guess I wasn't listening to whitney when I got my first period, or when I put on my first training bra.  Still, calm down, nobody was thinking about whitney 2 days ago.  way to show concern for whitney and her battle with addiction hours after her death.  perfect timing!   Look, i respect that she was an incredible talent, but she hasn't been relevant musically for a long time.  I don't care that she's dead.  plain and simple.  

So the part that amuses me most about this story is Ray J. (If there is one person I could hang with for a day it would have to be Ray J, not because I think it would be fun, just because I need answers. when ray J wakes up, what kind of things are on his to do list?) Anyway, a person close to Ray J told CNN that Ray J discovered Whitney dead in her hotel room, (and I am not making this up) when asked how Ray J was doing, the friend told the reporter that "Ray J is tripping right now."  Besides the fact that Ray J went from fucking Kim Kardashian in 07 to Whitney Houston in 2012, it makes perfect sense that Ray J would be the one to find Whitney houston dead.  It makes perfect sense that Ray J would be tripping right now.  In fact, any new detail that emerged, no matter how crazy, I will instantly believe it because Ray J is involved.  He's entered the Tyson zone.  But here' where Ray J goes classic Ray J.  He then called CNN to report that he was in fact no where near Whitney's hotel room, and he only found out when we did.  So I'm supposed to believe that the homie who told reporters that "Ray J [was] trippin" made it all up? That Ray J didn't find Whitney dead?  That a publicist didn't panic and force Ray J to tell them that he was no where near the hotel?  where's the hotel security footage?


Somethin ain't right.