Monday, May 28, 2012

Happy Memorial Day! 12 Things to Remember

1.  Been watching the Rob Dyrdek Fantasy Factory Marathon for about 4 hours and I gotta say, I think this might be the best non competition reality show of all time. Check it.  

2.  Pretty Pumped about Watch the Throne 2.  Nothing ever lives up to the hype this day and age, but I believe.  Just like I believe the Dark Knight Rises is going to change my life.  Look, I believe...let me have this..

3.  Stefon's writers on SNL need to step it up because I haven't been feeling it as much as I used to.  My new favorite recurring sketch is the Californians.  That noise Fred Armisen makes, according to Hader, is an improvised stroke of genius.  Don't believe me, just watch Bill Hader's face. This is from dress know it's funny if you can see the players loving it.

4.  I would not mind a movie of comprised of great new movie trailers.  Emphasis on the great though.  Screw you trailer for "The Lucky One."  Seriously, I would pay 8.50 to watch 90 minutes of great trailers on the big screen.  I'm a sucker for a great trailer.  I have probably watched the Dark Knight Rises trailer 20 times now.  Maybe it has to do with my short attention span and love of epic music, I mean, I'm certainly not a fan of Daniel Craig as Bond, but I love that Skyfall trailer.  And don't get me started on the Prometheus one.

5.  Along that note I'm totally digging Swedish actress Noomi Rapace.  I think I need to move to Sweden.  

Born in 79 so I think we could make the age difference work.

6.  I was playing The Walking Dead game on Xbox and it's pretty damn entertaining.  I'm loving it so far.  Best part is you can download it on xbox live for 5 bucks.  So play it!

7.  Talked to my friend Parker on the phone today.  Few things make me feel as good as talking to her.

7a.  The 7 seed in my potential wifey bracket is the photogenic dutch cop

Remember when Kanye 1st set twitter on fire.

8.  Kimye update:  Look Ye, it's one thing to fall head over heels for a girl.  But enough is enough.  You're a respected rapper, not Wiz Khalifa.  Can't be tweetin pics like this. (right) 

9.  Bummed that next week is the season finale of Game of Thrones.  I swear the first episode of the season was in April. Also, I am not exactly sure what happened this season.  Anything?
10.  Summer tv is coming!  I'm most excited for Breaking Bad (7/15), True Blood (6/10, even though it's slipping), and of course Big Brother.  (7/12) I sent in my app, but it's not looking promising at this point.

11.  As far as podcasts go, I'm digging the totally Laime Podcast and the JV club with Janet Varney.  Casey Wilson on Laime was uh-MAH-zing. 

12.  Jon Hamm Bowling on the Nerdist Youtube channel made me very happy.  He continues to win everything.  Gotta run. 

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Cmon NBC, Steph & Sara + Hood TTs

So NBC has apparently picked up Modern Family, ER, Friends, and Two and Half Men.  Well if you can't beat em...Let me explain: (pause it, then scroll through)

Listening to some Sara Bareilles today thanks to Kevin.  Lovin this EP Once Upon Another Time.  I probably just needed something new.  Hip-hop and my pop go to's have been slippin lately.  Where are the summer bangers at? 

Speaking of music..Happy Birthday to Born This Way!!!  Can't believe it was a year ago that the album dropped.  I need the Born This Way Ball to get to the us ASAP because being in an arena with 20,000 other people while "Highway Unicorn" is blaring is going to be insane.

I love this woman so so much.  I would be destroyed if anything ever happened to her. And yes, I constantly worry about her safety, health, well being etc..LOVE YOU GAGA!
So Twitter had me rollin today:  I checked the St. Louis trending topics and STL didn't disappoint.  At 9:30 AM #GhettoInterviewQuestions was trending.  Like people aren't even pretending to have jobs anymore...Well I'm not sure if these were funny, or if I laughed because I was at work and I wasn't supposed to laugh.  You decide.


8.  So would you say you're "bout that life?"

7.  Your resume says that "You go hard in the paint" elaborate please.

6.  I noticed for your address you put "Bees In The Trap" where exactly is that?

5.  Will Baby Momma Drama Affect Your Performance At Work?

4.  Can you compare and contrast what is a Goon to a Goblin?

3.  How many times have you been on Maury in the past year and were you or were you not the father?

2.  Are you willing to "Ride or Die" for this company?

1.  So you say you can "Take it to head" explain please.

Let me leave you with the top ten dunks of the season.  I'm out.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Kristen Wiig is Doin the Most (The Remix)

Kristen Wiig is really gone.  Damn.  She is one of my favorites, so it's rough seeing her go.  She's just sooo funny.  Her versatility is uncanny.  Honestly, she puts the team on her back every Saturday and finds laughs when there probably shouldn't be any.  She's the epitome of a comic genius.  She's this era's Will Ferrell.  Yes...she's that good.  So while it's tough to see her go, there is a bright side.  Kristen will now get to do all the wonderful things she simply hasn't had time to do.  Plus how great will it be when she comes back to host SNL??

Shout out to the dress!
My dream has always been to work with Tina Fey, but working with Kristen is a close second.  I really hope everything she touches turns to gold. and because she obviously reads this blog...thanks for everything Kristen!  There's the "one upper", the target lady, that deformed girl, MacGruber's sidekick, and a ton more that I'm forgetting.  Maybe you'll be so kind as to drop a line with your favorite Kristen characters and/or sketches in the comments.
Kristen doing her "name dropping plant" bit on Jimmy Fallon.  She's unstoppable.
So I'm sure there are 4 or 5 people who don't really understand what all the fuss about Kristen Wiig is.  That's perfect.  It just gives me an excuse to show you what you've been missing out on.  Here are two of my absolute favorite sketches of her's from the past year.  Do yourself a favor and watch them.  Seriously, you'll be better for it.

Bonus: (yeah we're startin w/ dessert) Disney Housewives - The premise alone was funny, but Kristen's characterization of Snow White really set this one off.

2.  Super Showcase - Maya and Kristen playing together is damn near perfection. SO GOOD.  Gotta watch it all the way through.  You'll be glad you did.

1.  Rebecca Larue -  I don't think anyone could have played this part other than Kristen.  PURE BRILLIANCE.

Monday, May 21, 2012

A Week's Worth of Thoughts

Raven-Symoné has apparently been outed.  Putting aside that fact that I would gladly marry Raven in a heartbeat I can't say I'm happy for her because it sounds like she was outed against her will.  If she chooses to come out that one's thing.  I just think that's so disrespectful to tell someone they have to completely open every aspect of their life to the public.  Regardless, I love Raven, and I'm happy that she's found someone who makes her happy. p.s. loved her response to the rumors.

Well well well NBC...It appears the desperation casting of Howard Stern didn't work out as the rating from this year's premiere was down about 16% from 2011.  I'm not trying to hate on Howard Stern.  He's doin  I am trying to hate on the network television model of "create-inexpensive-reality-judging-competition-buy-celebrity-judges-cancel-more-expensive-scripted-programming."  Honestly my main gripe is that America's Got Talent is a pretty awful show.  There are a bajillion audition episodes, and people are passed to the next round not because they could legit win the prize, NO.  They are passed to the next round because NBC has to put something on air for the next round.  Only singers win.  It's so phony. + it's boring. + it feels cheap.  But people watch, so maybe I'm just hatin.   Now that I think about it I do love Jackie Evancho and Landau Eugene Murphy Jr. Click those links if you don't know who they are, you won't be disappointed.

 So speaking of stunt casting, X Factor officially tapped Britney Spears and Demi Lovato as judges for next season.  I'm not sure what upsets me more, 1.  the fact that Britney Spears is literally making money off having no talent. (Can't sing,  Can't dance (anymore) I have to think there are a thousand people more qualified to talk judge singers talent.  The most insightful thing she could possibly say is, "I like him yall."...OR 2.  the fact that she's going to be assessing the talent level of other people.  let's run that back.
This woman...

...will be using her better judgement... mentor impressionable musicians...


If Britney Spears is qualified to do that, then anybody is qualified.  So yeah...I'm a little upset about her 15 million dollar pay day.  I root for this to flop the way people root for LeBron to fail. 

How many bad Battleship jokes have you heard so far?  connect four the movie blah blah, my battleship game never had aliens blah blah.  They should have a private screening on Rihanna's forehead blah bl....ok, that one's not bad.

Kanye is going to be on this season of Keepin Up with the Kardashians.  His presence has been confirmed by a trailer for the 7th season of Ray J's sex tape's most successful spinoff.  Look, as much as I love seeing Kanye on tv, I hate it because it's benefiting the Kardashians. And this doesn't do much to assuage my fears that she's using Kanye for ratings.  He'll be crushed when she breaks up with him.  She might literally be the worst person in the world....besides Kris Jenner that is.

Kristen Wiig left SNL.  Makes sense.  Perfect timing.  She's done all she can do there.  All I know is Lorne and co gotta be in panic mode.  But they'll work their way out of it.  Someone will step up.  But who?  (actually this scares me because what if SNL gets cancelled before I get there?  bummer city. BUT with an election coming up more eyes will be on the show in the fall.)  More on Kristen tomorrow though.

Think about all the great things she hasn't done yet
 I'm pretty pissed about Dan Harmon being left off of his own show.  Feels a lil fucked up, given the wonderfully unique method in which Community goes about tackling the sitcom.  It can't be the same, and that scares me because I thought the story contained in the the last five episodes of Community was fantastic.  Dan Harmon may be a pain in the ass, but the man sees things other people don't.  Cmon NBC, you gave Community the Friday night death slot, just bite the bullet for 13 more eps.  Maybe Evil Abed is calling the shots at NBC....

I know, we'll pair Community with Whitney...

Sunday, May 13, 2012

"Might be Trouble..."

I decided that I pretty much HAVE to be D'Fwan from 30 Rock for Halloween.

I found out (via Conan) that Zosia Mamet is 24!!

Desperate Housewives final season was a FLOP!  I'm actually quite frustrated that I watched DH instead of Game of Thrones tonight...At least they had a lot of Andrea Bowen (right).  She's pretty easy on the eyes.

Awake got cancelled, but honestly, a second season was going to be hard to pull off.  It's a lot like Homeland in that it seemed better suited (imo) for a 13 episode story than multiple seasons.

NBC is pretty much throwing in the towel.  Cancelling Parks and Rec & Community.  At best Network television is broken, (you can't throw singing and judging shows at your problems!) worst case scenario it's dead.

Not only am I a homosexual hair dresser, I’m also a gay party planner.” -D'Fwan

Hilarious video of the day:  If you like football and/or ridiculous people this is for you.

Well I got sucked into youtube and I ran across Marshawn Lynch aka Beast mode doing commentary on his incredible 67 yard run against the Saints a couple seasons back.  Watch from the 3 minute mark to the 5 minute mark.  All I can say is Marshawn is silly! oh, and LOL at the Saints! Cheaters never prosper!


Thursday, May 10, 2012

Jon Hamm is Doin The Most & other concerns

Best Friends Forever (BFF) is a great show.  Excuse me, was a great show.  NBC cancelled it. (I'm not alone in being upset about this.)  I was skeptical at first because I just thought I followed a bunch of people who were tweeting to support their friend's project (which I'm sure they were) but it was, in fact, hilarious. Sure I've only seen one episode, but it's so funny that I couldn't keep it to myself.  You should watch the remaining episodes that are on Hulu, because the pilot just expired last night.  But it was quite good.  It was pay "1.99 on iTunes to watch it on your Ipad" good.  The worst part is that this show will most definitely be replaced by some crap singing/dancing/judging reality show.  Actually the worst part is that people will watch that crap show! ugh!

So I've been slowly working through the abundance of shows I have saved on the dvr and I finally got to Nurse Jackie.  Well the pleasant surprise of season four has been the inclusion of Knicks forward Carmelo Anthony and actress Laura Silverman.  It's cool seeing Laura as a serious actor after watching her on her sister's show.  And Melo seems like the kind of guy that's one of the homies, but he just happens to play professional basketball for a living.

Attention men, and hell, women of Earth!! Sofia Vergara is single!!! 

The woman is laughing at a SHOE!  I would kill with Sofia!
Heads up: Season finales of The Office, 30 Rock and Parks and Rec tonight!  May is kind of a sad time of the year because it means so many shows are going away for a few months.  The only season finales I used to get amped for were the LOST ones.  I guess I'm a little excited for the Desperate Housewives finale, but this season's murder arc has been really stupid so I've only been half paying attention.  Fortunately summer shows like True Blood (not as good as it used to be, but still fun) and Breaking Bad (best show on television) are coming back soon.



I have a legit concern that boring people are making me boring.  I'm serious.  I think that I'm getting less funny because I'm not around people that push me creatively or stylistically.  It kind of reminds me of a friend I lived with in college.  He was from New Zealand and he had this really thick accent.  But when he went back home he said all of his friends said he sounded like an American.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm funny to the people I'm around, but if I was thrown into a group of funny people would they all say "eh, he's not that funny."  This is why when I find people that push me I try to keep them close.  I'm speaking of course about people like Alyson, and Kevin, and Randy and Sudar.  They're the best.  

I was actually talking to Kevin yesterday, and we've come to a consensus that we have every reason to hate Jon Hamm.  He's good looking.  He's a star.  He's funny.  WOMEN Love him.  But there's just one thing.  We love him too! Look I've said it before....I wanna be Jon Hamm's friend so bad it hurts!  And now this has gone viral. He's just so cool.  Plus he's rockin a cardinals tee!

Monday, May 7, 2012


So I watched SNL this weekend, and Eli Manning wasn't bad.  He held his own and wasn't uncomfortably awkward like Michael Phelps.  It's clear Eli is immune to the bright lights.  For the most part the cast did all the heavy lifting, and the best sketch was probably text message evidence.  A courtroom sketch in which Eli was more of a prop than an actor.  But it worked.  Writers get a lot of credit for this one.  I'm pretty sure this sketch hits close to home for a lot of guys.

I just realized something yesterday.  I can't time shift Game of Thrones.  I've gotta watch it right at 8 and sit through it or else I will have no clue what's going on.  Probably because my mind wanders and.  Or maybe last night's episode was really engrossing.  I dunno.  But I do know that GOTs is now atop my must see Sunday night power rankings.
I can't figure out how old she is? It's like there are no records of her birth.
 Also, I love LOVE LOVE Veep!  Julia Louis-Dreyfus (below) is great as the VP and it's not over the top funny, but it's funny.  And smart.  + it's got Tony Hale (Buster Bluth, for you arrested development nuts)  and he's essentially playing a high functioning buster.  Gotta love typecasting.  I find myself enjoying this more than it's time slot partner Girls.  Although, I still DVR it every week because Zosia Mamet (above) is my new boo girl. 

I realized that I am killing it with unavailable women.  Maybe it's cuz they don't have their "don't approach me" shields up.  I'm not sure, but it got me thinking about Allen Iverson since this is the tenth anniversary of "Practice!?" an all.  Killing it with married women isn't very helpful.  At best it's practice.  It's like going undefeated in the preseason.  At worst it's a complete waste of time/energy/oxygen/alcohol etc.  The best you can do is injure yourself before the games really matter.  Which brings me to my main point, if you are unavailable, GO HOME!  You can go out, but you gotta be outta the club-bar-scene before 10. period. no exceptions.  Don't wanna go home, fine.  Take your ass to Taco Bell for all I care.  Just get your ass out-da-club!  Anyway, I'll have to test my theory because I got a really good vibe from this waitress at eclipse, but she is trying to get good tips so yeah...I dunno.  I'll keep you posted...
Allen Iverson didn't go out there and die for the game so you could be in the club with a boyfriend.
My Big Brother 14 App is due Friday!  I hope I get in because I will tear through that house and be America's favorite player in no time.  You'd vote for me right?  I actually worked for their production company, so I've sent out a few emails asking people to look out for my app.  Hope it works. Boom!  *Narrator voice* But Ya Boy Darius had other plans when he used the Power of Veto. 

Saturday, May 5, 2012

RIP MCA / Shenanigans

Melancholy happy trails to Mr. Adam Yauch aka MCA of the Beastie Boys.  Hot Sauce Committee Part Two for life. RIP.

So the Justin Bieber "Boyfriend" video finally dropped, and I'm not gonna front, I was lookin forward to it.  The song is hot.  So anyway, I watched the video and it's not horrible.  Director X has been on a hot streak lately (HYFR) so it's no surprise that he was tapped to deliver the Biebs latest effort.  Like I said, it was aw-ite, but the reaction to the vid let me know that some of these girls on twitter are in dire need of some home training.  Look at the fuckery I woke up to this morning!

   My thoughts exactly Michelle

While it's a sad day in hip hop, that didn't stop Kanye from finally releasing a visual for "Lost In The World."  My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy was fuckin classic.  Video...well, you be the judge.  One thing's for certain, it's very Kanye.

Speaking of very Kanye, (btw more things should be measured on a scale of 1 to Kanye)  Randy passed along these pics of Ye at the game last night.  If you weren't tipped off by the fact that Ye is dating Kim Kardashian, here's your undeniable proof that Kanye's an ass man. 

Move over Cosmo, there's a NEW Assman in town!