Thursday, July 19, 2012

2 Fictional Dudes that Need to Get Their Groove Back

Man, I am probably going to have to go see the Dark Knight Rises tomorrow right after work, or else I wont be able to participate in social media for the foreseeable future.  I'm already getting the updates on my Facebook timeline.  Just curious, what is the purpose of a status that reads "OMFG The Dark Knight Rises was sooo Goood!!!!!"  To let people know you saw the Dark Knight before they did? Hence bragging on facebook. (how novel *sigh*)  Maybe you've forgotten that you have friends you can call or text and share these emotions with. I dunno.

 Quick Big Brother update: Why do hot girls want other hot girls out of the house?  Why do people want to win the power of veto so they can make deals and ultimately not use the power of veto?  PLAY THE GAME! UUUGGGHHHH, so many people play scared.  I get that it's a once in a lifetime opportunity, but don't play scared.  Longer BB rant coming Saturday....But the reason we are actually here....
Damn she was hot.
I hate when someone takes something I really love and dumbs it down for the sake of marketability.  They’ll take something great that people like and sterilize it so that even more people will like it.  The problems I’m having are on two of my favorite shows (well they used to be favorites)  I still watch, but I don’t have same near the level of dedication that I once did. 

Let me stop lurking in the obscure.  I’m talking about Dexter and True Blood.  More specifically Eric of true blood.  Remember season one?  When Eric had those long flowing locks and looked like a creeper.  Remember when he would sit quietly and make you feel uncomfortable in the comfort of your own crib? Not anymore.  They’re talking about Eric playing the lead character in 50 shades of gray now.  That’s as comfy and cozy as it gets!  And I'm happy for the actor.  That’s not my point because Don Draper can still be a jerk, and make me uneasy when he’s dealing with certain people, and yet I still love Jon Hamm to death.  So it can be done without sacrificing character.

Look at Dexter.  The first time I watched Dexter I was legit afraid.  I watched it in my dorm room alone, and I could not have been more creeped out by everything that was going on.  Besides the fact that the show felt fresh, Dexter was a weird dude.  There were people that knew he was weird, and they just kind of got along with him, or made it a point to abrasively challenge how weird he was. 
"You give me the fuckin creeps Morgan." -Doakes
He was one of those people that you wouldn't know how to deal with in real life.  He made people uncomfortable like U-turn did in Weeds season 3.  (Honestly I thought he was equal parts abrasive and hilarious.  RIP U-turn.)  And anybody upset about that last sentence can go fuck themselves.  That's not a spoiler.  U-turn kicked the bucket in 2007.  Real talk, what else do those people need to catch up on from 2007?  Am I allowed to talk about Super Bowl 42?  Can you imagine:  "Hey guys, can you keep it down, or stop talking about the Giants and Patriots in Super Bowl 42, I’m still on the 3rd quarter.  I don’t wanna know what happens!"

The best of U-Turn.  Only watch if you've seen Weeds through season 3 haha.

One thing I’ll commend True Blood on is the fact that they’ve moved away from the cliffhanger ending.  I'm glad the writers realized they went to the well one too many times for the sake of trying to "hook" the average viewer.  Look at a show like breaking bad.  They’ll have episodes end definitively, on happy notes, sad notes, some cliff hanger, there's a nice mix.  But regardless, they tell complete stories.  Too many times True blood would just abruptly end an episode with a weak cliffhanger, or tack on a weak one to a solid ending.  It just didn't make sense.  Moving on.  My solutions...

Dexter needs to stop being such a "good" guy.  He needs to stop being such a hero all the time.  Be that weirdo.  Be that guy that has trouble dealing with people.  Kill for no reason.  And as far as Eric goes.... Eric needs to be that ruthless dude that no one could quite figure out.  He needs to be that dude that may be working with our main protagonists but has that Ben-Linus-Is-He-Actually-On-Our-Side thing goin on.  It's late.  I'll be back soon. 

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Things That Annoy Me to Various Degrees

Editor's note: (I actually started this on June 18th, but shit happens)

A lot of things have been bugging me lately, so what better way to vent than by bringing my grievances to all of you.  But we're gonna switch it up.  What's one thing you would hate for someone to give you?    Pretend someone you love goes, "close your eyes I have a surprise for you."  Now what could they say that would really piss you off?  For me it would be, "ta da!! I got you some beans!!"  I'd be so mad.  I'd probably react along the lines of "fuck is wrong with you?.....BEANS!?" *slaps beans out of hands*  So today we're giving out cans of beans to things.  The more cans beans I give something the more it annoys me.  Got it?  Good.

Seasons 3-5 of Trueblood - 46 cans of beans 
I would not mind one bit if Pam turned me
Season 1 and the first 8 episodes of season 2 are phenomenal.  Season 3 was ok...had some strong moments, but a lot of flaws just became too distracting.  Season 4 featured more than a few plotlines nobody cared about, and season 5 seems to be headed in the same direction.  First of all, I do not give a single fuck about storylines involving Arlene, Tara, or Sookie.  So stop it.  Focus on Bill and Eric.  Easy enough right?

Anybody Hating On LeBron -23 cans of expired beans.

Lol at Cavs owner Dan Gilbert tryna help the Lakers get Dwight Howard.  LeBron hurt his feelings.  Dan was quoted as saying "Nobody compliments the meal!"
The decision was 2 years ago.  Get over it.  Until you move to Cleveland for 7 years I don't wanna hear it!  Image you are presented with this choice: be loyal to a bunch of bums or go play with your friends...Which would you choose?  Also, now that he is a champion the media is no longer telling you to hate him, so I guess it's time to have an original thought.  Get over the LeBron hate!

Facebook bragging - 73 cans of beans.  
I was talking to Randy today about why I don't care about Facebook and most of it is because all people use it for is bragging.  That's not how it started.  Remember the good old days?  Now it's all "Hey look at me, I did this!  I'm about to do this.  Look I'm going to post pictures of tickets of some event that I'm going to!" (Not at the event, a picture of the tickets!) UUUGGGGHHHHHH

Mad Men season five, Game of Thrones season 2, and Nurse Jackie, 0 cans - 

Ok re: Mad Men, the closing shot of season 5 was pretty amazing.  And I'm honestly glad that going into it, I had no clue it was the season finale.  I think it allowed me to watch the episode free of huge expectations.  (Which some people had, and apparently thought the season finale was a dud as a result)  I could write ten pages about the people that complain not enough happens in Mad Men, but honestly they are lost causes.  Let them go find whatever show they're told to watch and they can enjoy that until their told it's not cool anymore.  Am I on one right now?

Game Of Thrones Season 2

So not a whole lot "happened" this season.  So stuff happened, but not really.  Confused?? Well, that's the best I can do.  The season was phenomenal though.  It's pretty hard to do when you're always jumping around to different characters, but it easily became one of my favorites this year.  Nerds were mad that not enough happened on the battlefield, but the scenes with Arya, Jon Snow, The Mother of Dragons, and Tyrion were fantastic.

Nurse Jackie Season 4

This season was one of the best seasons start to finish.  It was incredible.  You're missing out if you're not watching.  It looks like the network gave the writers a "make jackie more feminine" note because they scrapped her short haircut for a longer bob-ish style doo.  It worked though.  And it was nice to have a season with a villian, carmelo, and laura silverman.

People that I can't talk to those shows about - 14 cans of beans.

I get it, you have things to do.  But dammit get caught up already.  These programs are all fantastic.  And for a show like Mad Men that everyone has told you you should watch there's really no excuse.  I get GOTs might not be for everybody, but Nurse Jackie should be on your must watch list.

People that are late to the party - 57 cans of beans.
Sometimes it's not your fault.  Other times it's 100% your fault.  Listen to me, I fuckin swear one of my biggest pet peeves is playing out right now.  Apparently a contingent of let's just say, non black folks have discovered Beyonce's song "Love On Top."  (I love that song, and more specifically her performance of it at the VMAs so of course I wrote about it)  Here's what bugs me.  That person....ok when you 're running an Ipod at a party and you play"Love On Top" and then those non black people groan and complain and ask you to play Flo Rida's low, because, you know, it's a song they've heard a million times before...then, a year and a half later, basically after the radio has played it for them they're like, you know what song I'm really digging?  Then they have the nerve to try to tell you about "Love on Top" like it hasn't been out for over a year, like you didn't try to play it for them a year ago..It just upsets me.  And I swear if we start getting covers like what they did with B's irreplaceable i'm gonna snap.  Nobody does it like B.  period.  She's one of the greatest of all-time.  ALL-TIME FAM!

Gotta run, but I'll be back tmw.  No cans of beans, but some thoughts on two of my favorite TV characters being "de-fanged."  Can you guess who I'm talking about?  Ok bye!