Thursday, November 22, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Sure I could take a picture of a turkey, slap it here and call it a day (There was certainly much internal conflict involved) but ultimately my more motivated side won out.  So today, on thanksgiving, before my family starts bothering me (see below), I've decided to pick 5 things (Give or take) that I'm grateful for and share them with you!


5.  I am grateful I am not an unruly passenger on a bus.  *For the uninitiated, a woman pushes a bus driver while he's driving because he asked her to get off after not paying.  Then this happens* Skip to 25 seconds.


The Uppercut Bus Driver Viral Video is one of my favorites.  Obviously, a man should never hit a woman, and I'm glad he was fired.  However there are things I love about this video: 1. The "You Goin to Jail NOW!" catchphrase. 2.  The Worldstar.com logo zig zagging and flipping around just before / throughout the best part of the video.  3.  The driver has the wherewithal to clean up his own mess.

4.  The gorgeous bank teller that's originally from San Francisco!  Thank you for being you! (I'm assuming she'll google "gorgeous bank teller that's originally from San Francisco" and be brought to this page.) To the people that also bank there, AM I RIGHT!? For the rest of you guys, she reminds me of Beth Behrs.

3. Ben and Kate.  I'm so happy Alyson put me on to this show.  It doesn't get any better.  I thought my favorite new show on Fox was going to be The Mindy Project by a mile, but Ben and Kate has so much heart coupled with so much funny that it's incredibly refreshing.  Just DVR one ep, or watch one on Hulu and see what you think.


Honorary: Barack and McKayla 

I don't care if you have seen this pic 2 million times now, my president has swag and I love it.

2.  I also love Jason Sudeikis. He went on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon not too long ago, and after his interview he and Jimmy played Russian Roulette with eggs.  8 Hard Boiled and 4 Raw.  Despite the fact that I'm very much in the tank for Jason I think it's generally very enjoyable. Really silly stuff.

If you just have to know what happens here's part 2.

1.  This Beats commercial.  Ellie Goudling, Weezy, Killa Cam, LeBron, Zedd, Tyson Ritter, 2 Chainz...it doesn't get any better.  I'm not sure I would ever spend $250 dollars on headphones that I would lose within a month, but I'm thinkin about it.


Til next time, I'm out!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Alyson and Darius' Favorite Tweets of October

Yup, we're back!  Back to bring you more of the greatness being cultivated in the twittersphere.  As me and Alyson were weeding through tweets it was apparent that October was a very good month for comedians on twitter.  It ended up being incredibly difficult to narrow down, but somehow we managed to, once again, bring you the best of the best.  Let's jump in!  

Darius:  I can not relate to this at all, but I love Nikki and she is hilarious.  The closest I have come to this is maybe applying chapstick on the metrolink OK I CAN TOTALLY RELATE TO THIS TWEET.

Alyson:  I.love.this. Generally I say "I don't usually wear makeup" in the same regard as those idiots who say "I don't watch TV" but every girl knows what this face is like. Nikki Glaser, be my friend.


Alyson: The best political tweet I saw all year.
Darius: Wholeheartedly agree. 

Alyson: Just great. Absolutely on board with this thought and I love everything about it and if you go to a mexican restaurant that doesn't serve chips and salsa just report them for sexual harassment or something. That's how that works, right?

Darius: That's*exactly* how that works.  This kind of behavior is unacceptable considering all you have to do is buy bags of chips and bottles of salsa.  Accountability...SMH.  American mexican food may have nothing to do with mexico, but at least let me pretend. 


Alyson: How to get your tweet favorited by Alyson: mention pizza. It's that simple. And this is one of the best because seriously you guys. And I really love it when the wording of a joke is so perfect that it is almost the reason for it being funny in the first place.

 
Darius:  There are many things Alyson loves, but I'm slowly realizing that pizza is definitely top ten.  But more to the point, I would consider poisoning someone that offered me a slice of olive pizza.
Darius:  Another one that doesn't need much explanation.  Just silliness at it's best.  This is what twitter is all about.  The second hashtag is what really gets me.

Alyson:  Damon Wayans Jr. is so amazing that he can make a food tweet funny. Guys, that takes some serious skill these days and I feel like that could go underrated.

Alyson: Why do people do this? I don't know how or when people started to think the apostrophe belonged after the numbers but it needs to stop. We need to raise awareness to end this atrocity.

 
Darius:  I love it.  I'm not really sure how this rogue apostrophe movement got started, but hopefully it goes the way of air quotes.


Darius:  I don't understand how this happens!! Where are they?  Are there people sized chickens running around LA? Are there chicken sized people living among us? Jenny please elaborate!!

Alyson: I love that "A CHICKEN" is capitalized. It really makes the seriousness of this mistake stand out. Seriously though, I haven't seen any people-sized chickens running around (or chicken-sized people for that matter) in LA so I've got some questions for Mrs. Slate.


Darius:  I love absurd situations with really corny punchlines.  Especially if the actor sells it.  It's half the reason why people think I'm fake laughing at corny jokes.  It's not funny because it's funny, it's funny because it's so silly / corny.  In closing, Michelle is hilarious.

Alyson:  Alyson: Agreed, I will always laugh at good corny jokes. THIS IS WHAT MAKES US LOVABLE, DARIUS (I think, I could be wrong I guess but once it's in all caps there's no going back).


Alyson: My life.

 
Darius: Genius!  Real talk, I don't understand how people "unwind" by watching documentaries. I would say watching 90% of the documentaries out there would qualify as work. It's essentially the visual equivalent of reading a book about yoga.


Darius:  The thing about Rozay is he is almost certainly eating a cupcake cupcakes right now.  And gun to my head I would say there are strips of bacon involved.

Alyson: At this point, I love Darius' comment more than the actual tweet itself. But this has me thinking, because now I'm never going to be able to work out while I listen to ANYTHING because now I'm just going to image what Marc Maron or Pete Holmes is doing at that moment, be so jealous that they're probably drinking coffee and petting cats (that's admittedly as assumption solely for Maron) that I'm just going to have to stop whatever dumb workout machine I'm pretending to use and go catch up on the DVR.

Alyson: Top three favorite tweets of all time. Alex Baze, you are the master. Will anyone mind if I start doing finger guns ironically because I love this tweet so much? Or is that too much? Serious inquires only.

 
Darius: Alyson, please please please start doing finger guns! 


Darius:  This tweet is the story of my existence at work and it will continue to be.  The only time I had a real conversation with someone I ended up buying two $50 tickets to a black women in media wine tasting event...NEVER AGAIN!

Alyson: I would love to just talk to someone in an elevator about how much I love Jen Statsky. This tweet is so perfect I want to marry it. Also, I worked a women in media dinner event once and it was not something that looked fun, so Darius, my regards.


Darius: Brilliant observation!  It's so true that the only real recourse a crossing guard has is to throw his or her hands up.  Basically just enough to let you know you've ruined their one opportunity to contribute to society.  In closing, I am not a fan of crossing guards.  They'll make you miss a light waiting on one kid that is just casually swag walking across the street.

Alyson: "Casually swag walking across the street" is now my favorite sentence to ever be written. Totally agree with these school crossing guards and my only question is "OBAMA WHY ARE WE NOT WORRIED ABOUT THE IMPORTANT THINGS?"


Alyson: This makes me laugh every time I read it. The "I just can't anymore" is what really does it for me.

 
Darius: Abbi proving that the crusade against autocorrect is still funny. Seriously though, it's like, enough is enough autocorrect.  And yes, the "I can't" seals the deal.


Alyson: Another serious question. Also, the women who wear makeup at the gym. What are you girls doing with your lives?

 
Darius:  I have 0% hair and 0% understanding of this issue.  Doesn't seem practical though. Jen is the best.

Alyson: Amazing. Just amazing.

 
Darius: The girl I'm dating DEFINITELY did.


Darius:  How did that Facebook buying Instagram deal go down?  Instagram: "I mean if you really want all these pictures of food it's gonna cost you a billion dollars." Facebook: "Oh we WANT those pictures." Instagram: "?"

Alyson:  This tweet is amazing. From now on I'm going to mass-text all my instagram-loving friends descriptions of my breakfast. Hey guys: this morning it was toasted pastry with strawberry filling and some icing on top (for all you other friends: poptart™) call me later and we'll talk about it.


Darius: I just want Michelle to teach me how to use twitter. 

Alyson:  Michelle Wolf, HOW DO YOU DO IT?!

---totally forgot about this one. but it made me laugh.  you know i love the middletons ---



Alyson: Perfectly worded joke. But seriously guys, what is causing you to like stuff like this? I'll never understand facebook, and this just makes the entire thing worse for me.

 
Darius: I once Lysol'd my way outta a plague that got 224 people out of 270 person dorm sick.  I might go "like" Lysol right now.  Today's Lysol is not ya momma's Lysol, this sh*t is the real deal.


Alyson: It's insane how many jokes Michelle Wolf can tweet in one day. It's even more insane that most of those jokes become some of my favorites. Everyone knows Ikea is the worst place in the world, and this joke hits home most when I'm fixing my Ikea couch three to four times a week.

 
Darius: I think 50% of my favs are hers.  And that's because she tweets around 20 jokes a day.  This woman is a machine. 

I just love that there are so many effective stylistic approaches to being funny on twitter.  These guys make it about a billion times easier to convince friends to make the jump from facebook to twitter.  Anyway, I can tell you that November is looking pretty strong so I'm already excited.  As always, keep us posted on your favorite tweets!  We are friendly and love all things twitter related.  You can find us here:




Thursday, November 1, 2012

Blog So Hard! Part 1

So we've reached the point at work where I literally have nothing to do everyday.  I go in and sit for 8 hours, then go home.  It's a blessing and a curse really.  Because 1, I am not a fan of working.  And 2, I am not a fan of sitting somewhere for 8 hours in the middle of the day with nothing to do.  But I won't complain, cuz like, they pay me to be here.  Money that I will one day use to buy Jennifer Lawrence a wedding ring.  However, first things first, we need to get caught up.  This one's kinda long so we'll make it a two parter.  Part 2 tmw/whenever I feel like it.  Here's what we got...

The election is coming up.  (Derrr Darius) I think my favorite thing to come out of this election isn't binder based, or the Romney campaign declaring they wouldn't let fact checkers "Hold them back."  No, my favorite part is the focus on undecided voters followed by the mocking of said voters.  Which makes sense...there's so much information available to us now, it's like how are you missing literally everything that's happening outside of your little bubble.  Personally, I feel like any undecided voters better be men, and they better be men with no daughters.


Well that was my round about way of mentioning that SNL did a sketch on undecided voters a couple weeks ago that was brilliance.


Speaking of SNL: Kate McKinnon is amazinggggggggg.  Seriously I am in love.  Alyson told me.  She told everybody.  Great call.  Watching her reminds me of how Amy used to carry the program in the post Fey-Morgan era.    

Kate's on the far left.  As much as I love Kristen, Kate makes me not miss her as much. I say this knowing full well the next time I see Kristen on screen I will miss her.
And one last SNL gold nugget:

The Girl You Wish You Hadn't Started a Conversation with at a Party.


I love that Rondo and Ray Allen hate each other. It makes me very happy.  Also love how butt hurt KG is over this.  Who would have thought?


Remember when I used to hate Bieber?  Well I am maybe 100% on board now.  Just thought you should know.

Chris Brown dressed up as a terrorist for Halloween.  Yo Breezy, if you are reading this..N*GGA ARE YOU SERIOUS!?  Real talk, I'm done with this guy any time he is not singing or dancing. Dude is a wack job.  If you wanna see the pic you can check that out here.

Basketball is too easy for LeBron James.  Can you imagine how fun it must be to do this and get paid 16 million a year to do it?


Podcasts:

The podcast game has been slipping lately IMO but a couple eps have sparked my interest recently...

You can find both on Itunes

Here's the Thing w/ Alec Baldwin: Guest: Fred Armisen.  - I have a lot of respect for Fred.  He's incredible and I could listen to him talk about sketch for hours.

Call Chelsea Peretti: Don't know how I feel about this one yet.  I AM a big Chelsea fan, but again, I'm gonna have to give this one a few listens to see if it gets it's feet.  She is funny though.  So check it out for yourself!


Remember Part 2 tmw! But first, one last thing (17 seconds)