Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Courtney Stodden has a sex tape...

*"Courtney" is a way of life. A mentality.
...because all Courtneys* gonna Courtney.

Now if you're a normal well adjusted human being you probably said "who?"  upon reading the headline.  And for that I say bravo.  But if you're like me, you realize that Courtney Stodden...the chick that married the dude from Lost and everyone freaked out because he was 51 and she was 16...is an American hero.  You see this is the kind of heartwarming sextape that has the potential to bridge any divide.  We need this.  So thank your Courtney, your work and your journey will not go unrecognized for as long as I draw breath.

I think things with her off again on again husband are currently on but I'm still wondering who this sex tape is with.  Honestly it doesn't matter.  Courtney Stodden has a sex tape people.  So do your part!  Spread the good word!  Maybe send out a tweet or something.  It's only fair that we stop ignoring her for a few hours.

Update:  Turns out...it's by herself...because...OF COURSE IT IS. Ugh...

Leave it to Courtney Stodden to shit the bed running the tried and true release-a-sex-tape-to-regain-relevance playbook.  My goodness.  I hope this goes straight to porntube. 

Well needless to say I want no part of this "sex" tape but I'm glad it exists.  Plus it probably expedites the timetable for our inevitable march towards a Speidi adult flick.  But as far as this garbage, welp, clears throat "different strokes for different folks."

Sunday, April 26, 2015

LeBron James' New Mask Brings Out the Best In Michael Beasley

Editors note:  I may be MIA, but I write things all the time, I just seldom finish and post them.  That's been bugging me.  So for the next few week I'll be cranking out a bunch of posts to get the juices flowing or whatever it is we do around here.  So let's do it.

Meet Michael Beasley.

Michael Beasley is the best.  Not at like...basketball, his profession...the thing he should be good at.  No, Michael Beasley is just the best at being Michael Beasley and honestly that's enough for me.


Just to get you caught up.  Last season LeBron James broke his nose and needed to wear a mask for a few games.
 

I got this from an ESPN article.  You can find the full text here.

The mask left teammates searching for creative ways to describe what they saw.


"I think he played like Batman out there," center Chris Bosh said. "I think it really helped him out. He played great."

Bosh was then interrupted in the middle of his session with reporters by forward Michael Beasley, whose locker is a few spots away.

"How you know what Batman plays like?" he shouted toward Bosh. "How does he play?"


YES!  Leave it to Michael Beasley to #WellActually Chris Bosh.  To be clear, Michael Beasley should NEVER, EVER, be the voice of reason, but on February 27th, 2014 that was the case.  Unfortunately, we never got  answers to Beasley's questions as just one day later the NBA asked LeBron to wear a clear mask.  Why?  Because obviously he was the hero gotham deserved...but not the one it needed...