Two On and Two Out

Level 6 Ft. Kanye

2012-01-29T13:13:00.001-08:00

I just started using the KobeSystem

2012-01-14T11:43:00.001-08:00

The Cowboys' 2011 Season In One Picture

2012-01-02T19:35:00.000-08:00


Muhammad Ali-LIE Manning!

RIP Tony "OhNo" 2006-2011

Welp, Cowboys got knocked da fuck out again. Which begs the question, is there a team that more embodies what is wrong with professional athletes today? No team celebrates more early only to be left holding the bag of jizz towels late. Yet every year I have to listen to more noise about how they're the most talented team, or a serious contender etc. Why!?!? Just because they're the cowboys?!!? Now the Cowboys got a lot of problems, but I'mma put the lion share on Tony Romo. I understand all their DBs are trash, but this bitch they got stickin his hands in between the centers thighs in 2011 is Drake's "Take Care" personified. The man is about as inspiring as watching senior citizens do pilates. Honestly, I'd rather go to war with the girl with the dragon tattoo. Cuz at least then we got a .0000009% chance of winning the game. I mean damn. All Tony does is lose. When this man goes to the bench and picks up the phone sometimes I wonder if Jamarcus Russell is on the other end. Just whispering sweet nothings like, "you're doing great Tony." or, "it's not your fault, I'da made the same throw." Unfortunately, people gon forget all about this shit come September 2012. But that's alright, I've told em before, and I'll tell em again.

My Favorite Things of 2011 Part 1

2011-12-30T21:34:00.000-08:00

I'm not gonna front and pretend like 2011 was my year. I'm living at home. My year, it was not. However, 2011 introduced me to a bevy of wonderful things and I've decided to compile them here. In no particular order, these are the things I loved the most in 2011.

Everything Must Go (2010) - Great movie. I love Will Ferrell playing serious, but still being hilarious. His facial expressions in this movie are classic. But my favorite part of this movie is the bond Ferrell's character forms with the kid Kenny. The two are such an unlikely duo, and yet they form a friendship that comes off as entirely genuinely because of their incredibly on screen chemistry. Watch this movie!

Breaking Bad (Season 4) -Probably the best season of any show I’ve seen start to finish. All of the pieces fit so well together. Even when it seemed like things weren’t going anywhere each episode gave me a feeling of completeness, and then the payoff down the home stretch was phenomenal. If you haven’t watched this, get caught up of Netflix, and watch the best television has to offer. I’ve never watched an actor and thought to myself, wow, he has to win the golden globe until this season's episode "Crawl Space."

Big Brother - I love this show. I really need to finish filling out my application, but this season was a lot of fun. I got a little too worked up, and fell in love with Danielle. Still hate Kalia, Rachel, and Brendan though. The only thing that would have made this season better is if Dick would have stuck around.

Born This Way - Gaga’s 3rd Album saw her musical style continue to evolve. It’s definitely a deviation from her first two efforts, and it probably alienated the people who only wanted to hear poker face 2.0 or a Bad Romance "spinoff." I'm glad she changed it up, and I loved the album. Highway Unicorn, Judas, Bloody Mary, Born This Way, Heavy Metal Lover, and You & I couldn't be more different, and they all rocked. If you're curious, I wrote about Gaga's evolution earlier this year.

Entourage finale - I'll never understand why it became cool to hate entourage. I thought the finale was perfect though. It didn't need to be anything other than just another episode. A lot of people wanted something mind blowing, but I'm strongly entrenched in the camp that the Seinfeld finale approach is how you end a show. You don't need to put a tidy bow on everything. Just put all your characters in a believable spot and say goodbye to the viewer. I had so much fun spending time with the guys, and Entourage will always be the fastest 30 minutes in television to me.

Super 8 - JJ Abrams just makes great movies. Out of all the films I saw this year I was most probably the most impressed by this one. Mainly because it's tough to make a great PG-13 movie. You don't have the crutches or free reign of an R rated movie. I was just completely immersed from start to finish. Great movie.

Friendzone - I just started watching this show. I think it’s fun for me because I can completely identify with the guys and girls trapped in the friendzone. I’m looking to go friendzone to endzone with a couple of the girls I’m besties with, so it’s great when it works out for these kids. However, my guiltiest of guilty pleasures is watching people who have no shot pour their hearts out. I’m a terrible person I know. This guy poured his heart out to this girl (pictured left) AFTER he got THAT hug. He ain't even gettin titties pressed against his chest!! Cmon son!

Marc Maron's WTF podcast - I'm actually listening to this as I write this post. Marc Maron is a comedian who I had never heard of until he made an appearance on Conan promoting his podcast. I listened to the Amy Poehler one and I was hooked. Some standouts for me this year included his interviews with Jimmy Fallon, Conan, Bryan Cranstan, and Jon Hamm. You should definitely give it a listen, or at least check for when one of your favorite performers is on. I hope he gets Tina Fey, which leads me nicely into my next favorite thing.

Bossypants - Tina Fey finally penned a book about her life and it’s brilliant. All the sharp witticisms you’d expect from the former head writer of SNL and current star/creator of 30 rock. Tina talks about her childhood, her fame, work, and social interactions. It’s a great read, and I found myself literally laughing out loud.

C Milli's cooking dance - LET THE BOY COOK!

Black Swan - The only movie that I’ve ever been jealous I didn’t write. It’s a psychological thriller and without ruining anything, it gave me chills when it ended. The score is fantastic, and Natalie played the hell out of this role and took home the Academy Award for best actress. I can’t say enough about this movie. If you haven’t seen it, run to your nearest redbox and get it right now! It's worth buying if you're a dvd collector.

Katy Perry's titties - These bad boys had a big year. I believe they’re 34 DDs. The more I think about it, there's really only one word that fully describes them in my mind. And Katy is always putting them out there is dangerous situations. Her tits need an agent, cuz they're hot right now. Katy had a huge 2011 btw, becoming the first artists since Michael Jackson to have 5 number one hits on an album (California Girls, Teenage Dream, E.T., Firework, Last Friday Night) and I’m fucking pissed that I missed her concert here in St. Louis. Good news though. Apparently Katy and Russell are headed towards divorce. He fuckin sucks anyway so good for her.

That bikini top is begging for a friendly quit!

Beyonce's performance of "Love on Top" at the VMAs - I can’t stop listening to Love on top now. Beyonce always kills at the VMAs, and she did it again. I love that Adele is mouthing the words, I love Kanye and gaga next to each other jamming out the song, I love the dancers and light work. It was one of those moments that you can’t help but get sucked in. Beyonce is the best.

Get More: Beyoncé, Love On Top (Live), Music, More Music Videos

Part 2 tmw!

Merry Christmas!!

2011-12-25T09:25:00.000-08:00

The NBA is back!!! Shaq is joining the NBA on TNT too, so here's a present!

Sunday TV/ Football Rewind

2011-12-19T21:04:00.000-08:00

A quick look at Sunday. And Dexter and Homeland Spoilers so you can skip over that if you're not caught up.

Jimmy Fallon, hosted Saturday Night Live this past weekend, which technically ended on Sunday morning so that's how I'm justifying this, and he killed it. I mean, dude ripped the stage. I really liked his songs. And especially the opening monologue. Standouts include the 1920s Holiday party, the cold open (with rachel dratch and poehler), the Tebow sketch, the Weekend Update Joke Off (with Amy and Tina), and the Christmas treat song with Sanz, Kattan, and Tracy. Anyway, here's a showcase of Jimmy's impression skills. The man is a genius, and he just seems like a good dude. Overall, great ep, check it out on hulu.

So Tebow Lost. Which is great until you realize that it didn't really matter if he won or lost. He just had to keep it close. And as it turns out, 18 points is just enough for supporters to pretend like Tebow inspired the Broncos to lose close. Ain't that some shit. I guess haters gonna hate, and supporters are gonna talk about how great he played. *However*, I loved that 29 yard sack Tebow at the end of the game. Made me feel alive. Anyway, the networks aren't going to stop covering Tebow because my friend sent me an article, and since the Pats-Broncos game got a 19.2 it appears the people have spoken. I'm part of the problem too though, because I tuned in to hate. It's the reason why Glee will never go off the air, and there will be more singing and judging shows for years to come. If we watch it, they'll put it on air.

The spike was awesome. Probably because it was so unexpected. It'd be like if Elmo told someone to eat a dick.

Dexter is over. And honestly, what was even the point of this past season? They wasted 9 episodes ripping off fight club and fooling no one. I used to give the writers the benefit of the doubt, but that's over. I mean I heard everything from how it would be the darkest, it wasn't. How it would make Dexter examine religion, it didn't. Seriously, the religious theme was so poorly implemented that it was largely distracting. Mos Def's Brother Sam was a breath of fresh air, but unfortunately he didn't make it too far along. All this season really did was finally, FINALLY, get us to the point where Deb realizes Dexter is a killer. And that was all I really wanted (end of post, #2). And not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I think that's a revelation that should be brought out in mid-season rather than being tacked on to the end of a season. It felt like they thought they needed a cliffhanger to save the season more than anything. Like a hail mary almost. But this plot will get plenty of attention next year, so season 7 should bring Dexter back into my good graces.

The Homeland finale wasn't bad, but ultimately it was disappointing because my main concern with homeland was how could the series go beyond one season. And judging from the finale, the writers don't really know that either. It feels like Homeland is going to go into typical network hour long drama territory and refuse to kill off characters even when they would greatly serve the plot. A lot of people think Heroes might have survived had it not become so attached to it's season 1 cast, and restarted storyline with new characters. They didn't and ultimately the show failed spectacularly. I think Homeland could have learned from this example, but with Brody sticking around another season and not blowing himself up, it seems like the show will toy with ideas, but ultimately never have the teeth to do anything impactful or brave. The series has had some strong moments though so I'mma give em 4 more episodes before I decide if i'm out. Oh but my favorite moment from the finale, and funniest, was Walker petting that lady on the head. At that, I did laugh out loud.

The Dark Knight Rises Full Trailer

2011-12-19T20:18:00.001-08:00

Ok, this got me so hype that I almost threw a brick through my neighbor's window. Can't wait til this summer!

Quick Thoughts

- Love how that dude from Dancing With The Stars got a part in the movie.
- Anne Hathaway is sexy as fuckkkkk.
- Bane seems like he's "cold as ice!" (dave chappelle voice)
- Fuck the Seahawks! lol!
- Joseph Gordon-Levitt is my n*gga!

Little things amuse me

2011-12-18T19:30:00.000-08:00

Kristen Wiig is Doing The Most

2011-12-15T08:10:00.000-08:00

Kristen Wiig is killing the game right now. I mean besides Bridesmaids, which she co-wrote and starred in, she's one of the most consistently funny people in Hollywood. Her versatility is amazing, she can play neurotic, she can play straight, she can play silly, and she can do it all in a span of 90 minutes. Kristen Wiig is literally doing the most. And I wanted to take some time out to to give Kristen some blog shine, because it's easy to be one of those people doin too much. *cough* Skip Bayless *cough* btw, I am convinced that Tim Tebow will be Skip Bayless' waterloo.

But back to Kristen, she carries the show. You should watch the gem above for an example of her genius. A lot of SNL isn't funny, in fact, a lot of time's it's painful to watch their horrible sketches. (Fortunately I don't have to deal with that anymore thanks to my DVR) But even when the material is weak, Kristen adds a funny face, or a quirky voice, and it works. It's eerily reminiscent of the immensely talented Amy Poehler's last two seasons on SNL when she carried the show in a Post Fey and Tracy Morgan era. Which makes me think Wiig, much like Poehler will bolt for another vehicle to display her many talents. I don't see her sticking around past this season, and when she does bolt SNL may be in a world of trouble. Or it could be next woman up. Who knows, but props to Kristen, and good for her being named one of Time magazine's "People Who Mattered." She's earned it.

*Quick note: If you're unfamiliar with the genius of Amy Poehler then you should buy this DVD or add it to your nextflix queue. It's worth every penny.

Adios Albert

2011-12-09T10:23:00.000-08:00

When it comes down to it, Albert Pujols should be a Cardinal. There's no other way around it. The Cardinals allegedly offered Albert 10 years 220, while the Angels offered 10 years 254. Putting the Deidre revelations aside. (Deidre said that they were offered 5 years 130 first, insulted then offered a nine year deal with an option 10. She said had they actually been offered the guaranteed version of 10 years 220, then Albert would still be a Card) Regardless, it never should have come to that. For the last 6 years Albert has made roughly 14 million. He wanted to make 25 mil per. PAY THE MAN! He's only the best hitter in baseball. If that's what he wants to be paid you pay him. Because again, he is the best player is baseball. Not to mention he's far more valuable to the Cardinals organization than he is to any other team because he's going to go down as one of the game's greatest players. Can you imagine if they Yankees had let Jeter go? Jeter wouldn't have made nearly as much money with any other team, but the Yanks ponied up b/c Jeter is the face of the franchise. He's Mr. Yankee. He's the contemporary Yankee legend. From Ruth, Gehrig, Mantle, Berra, to name a few and now Jeter.

The Cardinals had a chance to do that with Pujols, but they blew it. Over what? 3 million dollars a year. The projected payroll is supposed to be 110 million this year. You mean to tell me the cards can't go to 121? It's going to cripple the franchise financially to spend 11 million more than they wanted to. A hot dog and a soda costs 12 dollars, but you're struggling to pay bills. Cmon son. If you can show me a statement that says the cards only made 11 million last year then I'll leave it alone. But just think about how much money they made off squirrel shirts alone!?!? I refuse to buy into the Cardinal spin that they couldn't afford it. Being able to put a statue in front of busch stadium is so much more valuable than a few million dollars. It's much more valuable than overpaying a man towards the end of his career. A career in which he made 200,000 his first year, 600 his second and 900 his 3rd. His totals from those years go: 37 HRs, 130 RBIs, .329 BA / 34 HRs, 127 RBIs, .314 BA / 43 HRs, 127 RBIs, .359 BA. That's how these deals work. You compensate a man for when he was underpaid. They took care of Holiday, they took care of Lohse, but they inexplicably didn't take care of the franchise? Unbelievable. I'd almost have more respect for the Cards if they would have been honest and said, "you know what, we're not gonna sign him. He costs too much, and it's been a great 11 years." The thing is, winning the world series cost us pujols because it gave the owners a honeymoon period. People are still high off this world series and not going to be as critical of the franchise. It's why they hired Matheny, a man with no coaching on his resume, to manage the team. They could have had a stud in francona, but saving the 4 million was more important to them.

Last note is for Cardinals fans. There are too many people acting like Albert aged 5 years overnight. Even in a down year the man had 37 home runs, and a .299 average. AND he missed time with a fractured wrist. Now I'm hearing about how he wasn't that good, and he's a jerk, and we're better with out him. First, he was that good. 2nd, he is a jerk. Probably even more than Barry Bonds. When I took the pic below I was less than ten feet away from him and every other Cardinal on the field talked to me and my friends except Albert. He didn't even acknowledge use. Like he was too good and couldn't be bothered. Dude, it's BP, chill. But whatevs. And 3rd, you're not better when you lose the best hitter in baseball and get nothing in return. period.

It's crazy that the Cardinals kept keeping LaRussa, the one man I wanted gone the most, and then showed Albert the door, the one guy I didn't want us to lose.

Ultimately, the Cardinals are run as a business. They'll be fine and people will pay 8 dollars for beers and go to games and cheer on their squad. The Cards are my franchise so I'll root for them too, but I'm not going to be bitter towards Albert, because had the franchise wanted to keep him they would have.

The Dexter Problem

2011-11-20T19:23:00.000-08:00

I wrote a while back that I thought Dexter was slipping, but I'm starting to have some serious issues with a show that I care a lot about. Now if you haven't seen Dexter through season 6 you should stop reading. Furthermore, if you don't want to be spoiled by speculation about what's coming towards the end of season 6 then you should stop reading right now. Just don't want anybody spoiled that doesn't want to be spoiled by where I think the season is headed. Good? Great! Let's continue:

This season of Dexter has been problematic for a number of reasons. The obvious main problem in Dexter is the big bad(s). I'm firmly entrenched in the camp that thinks the Dexter writers think they have us all fooled and are going to "reveal" that the bad guys are in fact one bad guy. They're basically stealing fight club by making Gellar a figment of Travis' imagination. Oh, and the fact that Dexter, who is seemingly the smartest guy in Miami, has no clue, makes zero sense. From what we see, no one ever acknowledges Gellar. Gellar sat down at the diner and there was no place setting in front him. Only Travis speaks to Gellar. Which makes me even more upset when they try to play angles like he was knocked out by Gellar and chained up by the old man. AND then, when Dexter comes in the old man quickly runs up the stairs and then flies away out the window. Child please!

So there's that revelation that I think they are trying to say is going to be a huge payoff.-- which, l;et's be honest, it can only be a payoff if Gellar turns out to be real, but

2. The writers are stalling!!! To have a trinity murder happen and Dexter takes a road trip to Nebraska to investigate was done to give the writers some time to cool on doomsday. That story should have wrapped by episode 5 when dexter had him in the car, but he let him go. So that the writers can have dexter capture him again, and eventually kill him no sooner than episode 12 when he in fact realizes that it was travis and his imaginary professor all along.

3. It's clear to me that Laguerta is covering up for matthews (the real real high up dude), cuz he loves hoes, and what other reason would she have for wanting deb to close the case so quick.

4. I don't understand why Dexter is always withholding information from the cops. Even if he can't come out and give them leads, he can certainly give them evidence that will point to a certain target. Wasn't the whole point of his deal to get people that evade the justice system? I dunno, but it seems like the writers have used this device one too many times in an attempt to create a problem when there really isn't one.

Easy fixes

1. I get that I'm being a jerk for ragging on plot points, but my main point is don't treat your audience like a bunch of dummies. These things shouldn't be treated as mysteries that will need reveals later on. They should let the audience in and show travis having imaginary time, but still believeing he is talking to someone. Show him killing his sister. Show him chaining himself up. They should let us know that laguerta is being put in a tough spot by matthews to keep this under wraps. Save the mystery for legit plot points. Looking back, I have a lot of respect for what Clyde Phillips was able to do as the showrunner for the first four seasons.

2. Have Deb find out that dexter kills people and make them deal with it/ partner up in a strange way that works for this show and somehow draws them closer together. My only concern here is that we'll have to wait until season 8 for this to happen.

Bad Teacher (Cam's back!)

2011-11-11T04:35:00.001-08:00

I'm generally in the camp that comedians should be playing the lead female roles in comedies because you know, they're actually funny, but my whole theory got blown up by the movie Bad Teacher. If you haven't seen it, you need to, because it's probably my favorite movie of the year. The only reason I'm just getting around to it now is because my friends don't like to see anything that's not an ultra serious documentary about making bicycles for women in a small village in Africa. No. fucking. thanks.

In Blank Stare news Billy Crystal is hosting the Oscars. again. o_O After Eddie peaced, I was pretty sure I wasn't going to watch anyway, but now I'm definitely not going to watch. One because black people having been getting shut out. Was anyone black even there last year? So instead of funny this year, the show is going for safe. Think superbowl halftime shows in the post nipplegate era. Unfortunately, Billy Crystal is now the dump off pass of Oscar hosts. I'd much rather give James Franco another shot with a script written to his comedic strengths. I mean the guy is funny if you give him something to work with.

p.s. following up on my bad teacher train of thought. Can't wait for "Young Adult"

Diablo Cody + Charlize Theron = gold

Cardinal Nation!

2011-10-30T14:05:00.000-07:00

Ball

Hard!

Tina Fey Is My Hero

2011-10-27T14:55:00.000-07:00

Today I saw the DVD for Season 5 of 30 Rock on sale and it made me so proud of Tina Fey. It seems like just a few years ago I was watching the pilot in my dorm and telling everyone that the show was amazing. (And let me tell you, 30 rock is a hard sell in Ujamaa.) When I saw the season five label on the cover, I started thinking about how incredibly it is difficult to make 5 solid seasons (over 100 episodes) of a show. Congrats Tina! You're the best.

Top 5 Tuesday

2011-10-11T19:29:00.000-07:00

Top 5 shows that are on the decline

I hate it when one of my favorite shows becomes a source of frustration. It happens far too often now as people are more interested in staying on air than committing to their artistic vision. But sometimes people just fuck all the way up. Let's go through some of our favorites.

Dexter: Status: Just not as good as it used to be.

This isn't even a terrible thing, because the show has been excellent for years now, but the show is slipping. It's not as compelling as it was in seasons past. Part of the problem is that in Dexter there's no sense of suspense. Nothing ever sticks to Dexter. An interesting cliff hanger gets dangled and then immediately resolved at the start of the next episode. I'd rather there not be cliffhangers than to have cliffhangers for the sake of having them.

True Blood: Status: Wily vet, that can still bring it in a big game, but is inconsistent over the course of a long season.

The show might be a victim of it's own popularity. Sometimes it feels like they pander to the masses. They've got a problem with cliffhangers as well, but my main gripe is that it feels like the writers write to stay on the air. The first season felt like the writers knew how they wanted the show to feel and they went all in with a sense of conviction. Subsequent seasons all have this "please renew us" feel to them. BUT I will say, they still have some cool moments from time to time.

Modern Family: Status: Sharp Decline.

I'm giving season three a chance, but season 2 pretty much repeated the same jokes as season 1. I get it, Phil is clueless. Manny says things an adult would say. etc... If season three finds new ways to make these characters react to funny situations then there might be hope. But I'm not drinking the Modern Family kool-aid. The Emmy's fucked up and lost all credibility by not giving Steve Carell an emmy. If you're not going to give it to Jim Parsons, give Steve an Emmy for all the ones he should have gotten.

The Office: Status: Somebody needs to put this dog down.

Ed Helms may be the biggest "star" on the office, but he seems ill equipped to carry a show. Makes it all the more impressive what Steve Carell did. Even when the show wasn't at it's funniest, Steve Carell still made it enjoyable to watch.

Weeds: Status: Worst show on tv, that is still on tv.

I hate that Jenji Kohan is still getting a paycheck. I hate that she took everything that was great about weeds and literally burned it to the ground. I hate that she's so smug about weeds. Like whenever weeds gets picked up she tries to act like it's still a good show and they have great things in the works. I mean, I wouldn't be this upset if she would at least acknowledge how terrible the show has been, but she won't. I hate that I still watch weeds even though it's horrible. Until Conrad returns I want nothing to do with show.

Women are out of control!

2011-10-07T19:05:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of wack bitches. And I'll even go as far to say that all of us are tired of wack bitches. Women are getting out of control. Now there are some great women out there. Smart, beautiful, wonderful, caring, and inspirational women. But then there are the bitches whose stank attitudes could be used to clear out frat parties. They come with foul dispositions, blackberry twitter accounts, a fondness of mixing in a few big words to sound smarter, knockoff Louis Vuitton bags, inspirational Rev Run quotes, and an inexplicable sense of entitlement. They've completely thrown off the balance of men and women. As I sat at home troubled by this phenomenon, an uncomfortably light skinned black man by the name of Chris Broussard came on my tv and that's when it occurred to me that our situation is almost exactly the same as the relationship between NBA players and owners. We're at an impasse gentlemen. The future of the game is at stake.Which is why I propose we lockout. Yes fellas, we need a new collective bargaining agreement with women.

Now I'm sure you're thinking, what if these bitches find out about my plan to lockout. Don't worry, the women I'm speaking of don't own laptops and can only access the internet through their phones. It would eat up too much of their data plan to load this page. We're good. Let's continue:

The issues:

1. Nicki Minaj and Rihanna worship needs to stop.

2. Hating on Michael Vick/ Ben Roethlisberger needs to stop.

3. Game playing needs to stop!

4. Revenue Sharing needs to start!

One of my closest and dearest friends told me she was going out with a guy because she wanted some good food...for free.

You went on a date with a man because you're HUNGRY!?!?

Unacceptable.

So how do we address these issues:
1. Decertify

2. Give some of these bitches the veteran minimum.

3. Stop giving below average women the mid level exception.

4. Don't allow role players to get max deals.

Personally, I'm only fuckin with world beaters from now on. Because if we have to pay max dollars anyway, why not seek out max talent. Every girl wants a max deal now. That's the problem. Average girls need to understand their value. And average is not bad, I actually used to deal only with average chicks just because they were so much more down to earth. That's not the case anymore, which is why we need to reestablish the tiers so that we can pay players accordingly. Now I know they'll never accept a salary cap, but if we're smart they don't have too. It's our fault that some girls egos are inflated beyond their tier. It makes sense on paper that you can't give a max deal to an average player. But all it takes is one desperate owner to overpay for an average player and then that raises the asking price for all higher tiered women.

Demands:

1. If we text you, text back. Promptly.

2. Say what you mean. Pretty fuckin simple, but largely ignored.

3. If you only want friendship, you better insist on splitting everything. No. Free. Meals.

Look, I'm not going to pretend to have all the answers, but I do know one thing; we need to lockout before it's too late. I'm out.

The Top 5

2011-10-04T11:44:00.000-07:00

It just seems like every time I blog I'm talking about how I don't blog enough, so I am giving myself the seven post in seven days challenge. Did it before, I'll do it again. There's a lot to talk about this week so I think I can make this work. But first I figured I show the athletic ladies some love today. I think this'll be a weekly bit. Just top 5 something. Yeah, top five Tuesday. I like it. So here we go. Top five female athletes I'd wife right now.

5. Hope Solo- ESPN the body. Dancing with the stars. I love Hope Solo because she's thick. She's not the stick figure type that's a dime a dozen in hollywood. Something's off about Hope though. She's weird. And stiff. And not good weird, like one day she's watering the grass naked, the next day she's shittin in your prius weird. I can't seem to get a read on her. You know what it is, I feel like she's channeling that hot chick from Mars Attacks that acts like she's gonna fuck you and then rips your balls out. But I mean, if it comes my way, I'll take it.

4. Lolo Jones- Just saw her on sportsnation the other day. That show sucks, but when beadle isn't annoying she's easy on the eyes. Anyway, I'm literally only watching for about 5 seconds and then I see a chick that's not beadle so I stay a little longer, and i'm like who is this white girl talkin like a sistah and rockin a nice tan. Then I googled her and found out she's half black. I love it. Cute face, GREAT personality, (follow her on twitter) Lolo's my girl.

3. Sue Bird- She's crazy good. I can stare at her all day. She's cute, and she can hoop. I actually almost bought her WNBA jersey, but they don't make em in men's sizes:(. Her assists are insane, she's super hot, but still has girl next door appeal. Doesn't get any better than that. However, her unwillingness to join the twitterverse is holding her back from being ranked higher.

2. Diana Taurasi- I can't even explain why I like her. Maybe it's how smooth her skin looks. Maybe it's because I can't have her. Apparently she's into the ladies. She's got crazy ass though, and a nice jumper to boot. I def bought 2 copies of her EPSN the body cover. Plus she's taller than me. Long story short, I'm not giving up hope.

1. Becky Hammon - She plays like Allen Iverson, which is the reason I was attracted to her at first. I mean besides the fact that she's gorgeous. Other than that, she seems humble, and she's always got a chip on her shoulder. I like Becky a lot.

Honorable mention/Front runner: Jeannette Pohlen

Yeah you knew it was coming. Don't even get me started on her. I have pined over her for the past 3 years. Great game, great personality, great spirit. I'll just say it, she makes me wanna be her Tony Romo. Love that girl. And this is despite the fact that she always shoots me down. But that's fine. I'm not giving up. She's my Laura Winslow. And last time I checked, Urkel fucked. I think the last time I talked to her, I asked her to dance at a frat party, and she was like "maybe later." So you're tellin me there's a chance!

Happy Birthday Gwen!

2011-10-03T15:58:00.000-07:00

Here's the kicker, she's 42! Damn...

and this commercial still perfectly captures my feelings on the creative process.

Happy birthday boo!

Daniele is my girl

2011-08-24T19:08:00.000-07:00

Daniele when seeing a laboratory-type set for the veto comp:

"Rachel's probably dying to play in this veto competition because she thinks she's a scientist. BUT, unless scientists serve Mia Tias, I'm pretty sure she's a waitress...ZING!"

Daniele stole my heart this year. Her legs look so SMOOTH...

who started this?

2011-08-24T15:43:00.000-07:00

via MTV

The Social Network(s)

2011-08-20T17:34:00.000-07:00

A lotta things have been getting on my nerves lately + I've been neglecting my blog. So I figured i might as well kill two birds you feel me? Without further adieu...

Twitter is a strange place. No one new wants to do it because they're not really sure what it is. Whenever I ask somebody if they tweet or try to get them to start tweeting they almost always say "Isn't that just a facebook status update?" To which I typically reply "Yeah, but.." and then I'm pretty sure all they hear after that is the charlie brown "wompa wompa womp womp womp...."

Juwan watches silently while Eddie is on one.

Anyway, I'm done with facebook. It's pointless. The ONLY reason to use facebook is to A) Get ass B. pretend like you're not only there to get ass and C. remember birthdays. Facebook ain't for us anymore. I feel like I'm the "Juwan Howard on the Heat" of facebook. I keep a low profile and almost never post...Whenever I pop up on people's newsfeeds they probably think "man, I didn't even know he was still in the league."

At this stage in my facebook career, I only have it because a girl might wanna facebook me or vice versa. If I go to a party there might be 6 or 7 girls I wanna smash. So I add em. But my newsfeed is gonna put me on blast so I gotta add 3 or 4 dudes from that same party to keep it from looking like I only added chicks. It's basically like going to the store and buying juice and eggs to make it look like you're not just there to buy condoms.

I remember when facebook was the wild wild west. There were literally NO. Fucking. Rules! Cuz it was so new, people had no idea what was happening. You could randomly add chicks and they'd think nothing of it and have convos with you like you were good friends. You could friend somebody five minutes after you met em. You wanna tell a girl she has nice titties? DO it! You wanna poke a chick? Be! My! Guest! I met about 20 girls on facebook before I went to stanford and convinced more than a handful of cute ones to go out with me once I got there. That's the first time I fell victim to facebook pic deceit and the wizardry of photoshop, but that's for another blog.

Point is, back when only cowboys and indians was on facebook you could do anything and the shit was mad fun. If people could see the threads I had goin w/ some girls they'd give my facebook profile the death penalty.

Now it's all corporate, and everywhere you look it's grandmas and preachers on facebook. Basically we reached that point in pulp fiction where there's the gimp and black dude gettin fucked and people started going, "whoa...it's not a game anymore. this is real." And they decided that the lawlessness had to stop. If you tag a picture of somebody, they detag it immediately and then text you some angry shit about how you fucked up for posting a pic of them licking the edible candle wax off the bartenders nipple. Grown, bitch made, damn near teary eyed men be like "My mom saw that shit, not cool homie" 1st. Not my fault. 2nd. What are you doing accepting your mom's facebook friend request anyway? Plus, you know she had the computer "remember" her password. Log onto her facebook and delete her profile. Problem solved.

There's just so many rules. Like windows for adding people on facebook. Wanna add that bomb ass chick you met a week ago? Nope. You gotta wait to see her again and then hope you remember to add her before the window closes. And once you are friends, all communication better happen between 11:00AM and 6:00PM. Try to set up anything up over facebook and you'll get yourself blacklisted as the guy that tries to mack on girls over facebook. <--this particular point needs an aside:

Every guy is trying to holla at girls on facebook. It's like cheating in the NCAA. Everyone is doing it. But only the people who get caught get punished. In the end, the reward far outweighs the risk involved so it's not gonna stop.

And we're back:

Wanna post on a girls wall? Naw. Think again, cuz all her friends gon get together and have a tribunal and shit to determine what your wall post meant and if she should continue to return your phone calls. But to be fair, that's gonna happen with any type of internet communication. Everything on the web is written in ink. Man..the guy who invents, texts, tweets, and facebook messages that self destruct after being read is gonna be a billionaire.

But back to twitter. People use it for a number of different things. I admire and respect people that entertain the most. Funny people are king, but if you at least entertain, or inform then I don't have a problem following you.

Just don't be one of these guys. No names to protect the innocent.

1. Regular people trying to be inspirational. "Be confident in who you are and everything you are will be." Ugh...Just retweet Rev Run and let it go. Plus don't tweet "booty poppin in da club/ gettin my back blown out" and then the next morning try to be all "Know your true worth and never compromise." I don't wanna hear it.

2. People that tweet. "Asked to use a microwave at the grocery store next door so I could heat up my lunch. #desperate <----An actual tweet. After I read that I felt like I had every right to call her and cuss her out.

3. Or people that "break" news that they clearly read from ESPN or some journalists twitter feed. Just retweet. Don't pretend like you were making calls and have sources. You watched around the horn just like I did.

But let's end on a positive note.

Some of my favorite tweeters:
Chelsea is by far my favorite. I really admire her writing and sense of humor.

@ChelseaVPeretti

"I like being told to chill. Chills me out!" -nobody

"A good indicator of us not being in the same "vibe zone" is if you are a white person wearing a white turban."

@NileEvans

#thingswelearnedontwitter...PRETTY CHICKS WITH NOTHING TO SAY THINK WE FOLLOWING "THEM". WE FOLLOWIN THEM TITTAYZ!!

@lilduval

My 12 year old God son just told me plies is the realist rapper alive and jay z don't be talking bout nothin.....he dead serious

I love this woman

2011-08-19T08:14:00.000-07:00

She's pure inspiration.

This rendition of "You and I" is phenomenal.

Welcome back...Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back

2011-07-31T00:41:00.000-07:00

Okay, first thing is first. Soulja boy did not buy a $55 million dollar jet. BUT, I think this was just a PR attempt. I give credit to Soulja Boy cause (1) he responded to my wall post on facebook and (2) he does have $55 million. He just doesn't want to spend it on a jet (and no Darius, he won't have to liquidate all his assets for it).

But, in order to deflect attention from him, and going with the post below about effective advertising. Here are my OOPS moments right now:

Remember Kobe's ridiculously ~~homoerotic~~ all white photoshoot?
This here on the left was definitely a PR mistake. So when you think about Soulja Boy's people messing up, you can always refer to the whole photoshoot for Kobe Bean here. C'Mon son.

Okay, so that might not have been the worst PR mistake in the world. That one goes to Amare. Every athlete's dream is to be on the cover of ESPN the magazine. I feel like his people got tricked, cause they basically said "we'll let you be on the cover if you make an absolute fool out of yourself". Don't believe me? You can see the whole THING for yourself. COME ON SON! Drake voice.

The Eight Hates
1. If I say a celebrity is not hot (eg. "I don't even think Heidi Montag is that hot".) PLEASE do not respond with "dude you know if she was next to you you'd want to bang her". THAT MEANS NOTHING. Celebrities are all on a different scale. It's like me saying J.J. Redick sucks at basketball. He doesn't suck cause he's in the NBA, but as an NBA player he sucks. Note: This is a bad example cause Redick actually is terrible. Proof.
2. Lady at Costco, I'm 23 years old. Don't ask me if my mom says its okay if I can sample the teriyake chicken. First of all, I'm 23. Second of all, no one is allergic to chicken.
3. Person I'm out at dinner with. Please wait until I get my food before you send your food back. I don't want my food to get spit in just because your soup isn't warm enough or you "didn't like the taste of your dish". Too bad, that's part of the risk of eating, you might not like what you order.
3. AT&T U-Verse. Don't tell me "Congratulations, you qualify for AT&T U-Verse" and then come to install it and tell me "oh, you need to be 3,000 ft away from a box...you're about at 3,010 right now." Move your damn box closer asshole.
4. Haircut lady who charges $12 for a haircut. I am going to tip you, don't worry. When I give you a 20, don't give me 8 ones...it just makes me mad.
5. People who make me feel bad for watching TV. "Oh it's a beautiful day outside and you're just watching TV". So what. I want to watch the bachelor and that's my choice. It's going to be outside tomorrow, but if I don't watch the bachelor tonight, someone's going to spoil it on facebook. No one can spoil tomorrow's weather on facebook.
6. How the radio can get me to love any song by playing it enough ("How to Love" by Lil' Wayne).
7. That awkward moment when you comment on someone's facebook photo and then the next day you're on limited profile. YOU ADDED ME BITCH.
8. People who are under 40 and do not have texting plans....You want me to call you instead of text you? No. I'm not hanging out with you.

I can't wait for the NFL season to start

Effective Advertising

2011-07-29T05:21:00.000-07:00

Might be watching Project Runway this year. Also, I fuckin hate Seal.

The Roundup: McNabb, Media, and "Mouisture"

2011-07-28T17:36:00.000-07:00

First, quick shout out to Randiesel F Baby on an excellent post.

My only response is that while Brett Favre may not have sent those pictures, Brett Favre is DEFINITELY the type that sends pictures of his dick to women. He probably mass texts women and sees how many replies he gets back. The corresponding message is probably something like "y or n?"

NFL Roundup:

Donovan is free!!! I'm so happy, but leave it to ESPN to rain on my parade and immediately start disparaging Donovan and saying he's washed up. Look I understand it was a bad year, but I've been over it before, the man was all alone.

But I was a little shocked to hear not 2 seconds later all the praise of the Titans for signing Hasselbeck who statistically speaking has had less success than Donovan. I have no idea why people take shots at Donovan and why he's so criticized, but I might have to play the race card. I don't understand how he's always the fall guy.

Somebody explain to me how Santonio Holmes got a 5 year 50 million (24 guaranteed) deal?

This is T.J. Houshmandzadeh to the Seahawks all over again. Teams gotta know that you don't give Robin "Batman Money." Unless the Jets sign Braylon, or another big target that can draw attention away from Holmes this seems really stupid. I just don't wanna hear about how Santonio is a number 1 receiver. It's like when your boy introduces the homies to his girl talking about "she's the one" and everyone can see that she's a rottweiler.

Carson Palmer: Um, lets back it up to 06

Under the reworked deal, Palmer will get a $15 million bonus -- paid on Feb. 16 -- and a base salary of $6.75 million next season. The Bengals owe him a $9 million option by Jan. 1, 2007; they'll have the option of letting the rest of the deal take effect or nullifying it at that time, but have to pay the same amount either way.

His base salaries will increase during the deal, topping out at $14 million in 2014. He'll also get $1 million roster bonuses for each of his last three seasons, bringing the total amount of the reworked, nine-year deal to $118.75 million.

Call me naive, but I don't understand how it could be that terrible to play a game for many millions of dollars.

Big Brother Roundup:

Bitches: Rachel sucks. Brenda is a bitch. And he has no real reason to be a bitch. Rachel's personality sucks. And she doesn't have a cute face. I was watching big brother After dark and I also learned that she doesn't have ass. Which means one thing, Brendan must not be able to get pussy. Before Rachel, he was the NBA player that orders the hotel's porn and jacks off before falling to sleep at 11. I mean he's a decent looking guy that's been on tv, I don't understand why he's putting the pussy on a pedestal.

Hot girls: I grew to love Cassi because she is so frickin hot. I mean, Damn.

Shelly and Kalia suck: Shelly looks like a truck driver, and Kalia is built like the Michelin man.

Dom throwing the POV because he's confident he's safe: You never throw the POV. Ever. You win the POV then see what happens. Also, you never throw the POV. And you certainly never throw the POV at the behest of the person who put you on the block in the first place! If he goes home that's all on him. Another rookie mistake. But we'll get to that.

Rachel and Brendan's control issues: I want Rachel and Brendan on the block. But I don't think this will happen with all the rookie mistakes. What pisses me off the most is that Rachel and Brendan want to win HOH and POV so that they have total control on any given week. They don't even want to do anything game-wise with it, they want people to grovel/make deals/kiss the rings. The Brenchel ego is outta control.

The rookies moment of realization:

As I watched BBAD it became clear that the rookies are realizing that they've signed their own death warrants. That by refusing to play the game and taking shelter under the wings of the veteran alliance they have essentially created a snake that eats it's own tail and ingests itself. Follow me:

Kalia, and Shelly now understand that they need Dom there to play. Problem is the vets have Porsche mind washed, and Adam is the weaker of the two, so it's to their benefit to have him around for longer. Even with Kalia, Lawon, Danielle, and Shelly's votes the newbies would have to convince Brendan, Jeff, Jordan or Porsche to vote with them. Only the latter might and she won't.

Fact: Kalia, Lawon, Shelly, Porsche, and Adam will never nominate a veteran for eviction. 1. they'd have to win an HOH. And 2. They'd probably be too sacred to nominate a vet for fear of "making an enemy." Hell when they had a chance to make a power move, Shelly snitched on Dom and Danielle for no reason other than to get Rachel and Brendan brownie points. Bitch move.

For the first time in a big brother season, NOBODY wants blood on their hands. *except the veterans* who are slaughtering the newbies one by one while jedi mind tricking them into thinking they're on the same side and will bring them to the end.

I don't understand how no one seems to realize that they're next.

Everyone has a deal with the vets, and everyone thinks they're safe.

As long as Porsche sticks with the vets, the rest of the newbies will get picked off one by one, because Porsche will vote with the vet block and eliminate the stronger of the 2 remaining newbies.

So enjoy your golden key Adam, cuz they ain't comin after Kalia, Lawon, or Shelly next week.

Had the newbies grown some balls the first week, they could have had a shot. Now they have no endurance competitors left (assuming Dom gets voted out tonight) which means they'll lose tonight's HOH and another newbie will be sent home by other newbies who vote the way the vets want them too because it'll guarantee them 7 mores days in the BB house. It's pathetic.

If ever there was a time when we needed a big brother twist, it's right now. Cmon Julie!

In closing, this is why other countries hate us:

First Rounds Draft Picks Coming, Who is Randiesel F Baby Coming

2011-07-11T11:13:00.000-07:00

Okay first things first. I have been reading this blog for a long time, and finally on my first post. A few things about me so you know what to expect.

I believe:
1. Soulja Boy Tell 'Em is the best rapper in the game right now because he makes the best YouTube videos and plays Xbox Live.
2. The Warriors are the best basketball team in the NBA right now because they score more points than everyone else, and that's how you win...
3. Brett Favre did not send those pictures.

However, this blog post is going to be about one thing, the best show out there right now, Big Brother. For those that don't watch it's pretty much Survivor, inside a big house, with no physical competition. It's the ultimate mind-fuck.

Here are the current cast members:
Adam
Occupation: Music Inventory Manager (stock boy?)
Description: Older rocker guy who claims to love bacon and is a huge fan.

Cassi
Occupation: Model
Occupation she told everyone: "Student" (I will elaborate on this more)
Description: Super hot and has a southern accent.

Dominic
Occupation: Student
Occupation he said: I forget, but it was something dumb and non-student.
Description: Complete mamma's boy.

Kalia
Occupation: Writer
Occupation she said: She is the equivalent to Carrie from SATC.
Description: Seems to be super into herself.

Keith
Occupation: Deacon/Youth-Minister
Occupation he said: I don't remember, something dumb and non-religious.
Description: He is my favorite contestant right now. He's super into himself and thinks he's a chick magnet. He said "the Lord said be fruitful and multiply, so that's what I'm going to do." HAHA

Lawon
Occupation: Legal File Clerk
Description: Super flamboyant, and.... flamboyant. Dresses hilariously.

Porsche
Occupation: VIP Cocktail Waitress
Occupation she said: Student
Description: Fake boobs, and I'm pretty sure VIP Cocktail Waitress means stripper...

Shelly
Occupation: Hunter
Description: She looks like she has gone through the TV show Survivor.

They also brought back some big dynamic duos. ED and Daniele, Rachel and Brandon, and Jeff and Jordan. I'm stuck because I really like ED and Daniele but also Jeff and Jordan.

This season looks to be one of the best yet. I really need to get on this show.

Movies, Summer, and Women

2011-07-07T12:24:00.000-07:00

Let's make one thing absolutely clear right off the bat....

I'd smash Casey Anthony and so would you.

sidenote: yes, "the many faces of Casey Anthony" blog is on the way. She's got some good ones.

Double sidenote: fuck that douchebag on the right. I don't even know where to start. The "i'm too cool for a full smile" face. Or the fact that he probably says things like "pussy, bro, pussy. cmon bro let's get some pussy" ALL THE TIME. But Casey likes brothas!?!?!? LEGGO!!!
I haven't been blogging lately because let's face it, there's just not too much poppin in St. Louis. however, that does not mean that I should be slacking on my duties in the pop culture realm. This means I'm back, minutia and all. Speaking of which...

Big Brother comes on tonight. Big Brother is one of the best reality shows on tv, but people give me funny looks when I say I'm a fan. Completely their loss.

Movies I wanna see, but my friends are lame and won't go see them with me:

Transformers (I'm a sucker for a good teaser trailer)
Cowboys and Aliens
Friends With Benefits
Crazy, Stupid, Love (Fucking, Awful, Name)
Super 8
Bad Teacher
Horrible Bosses
Captain America

So there's this girl, but I can't decide if she's cute or not. So what do I? I do what any guy would do, I get my boys to weigh in. The problem is they can't tell either. Further complicating matters is the fact that she knows my friends so I can't smash and dash. Look, I'm pretty sure she's cute, but there are times when this is how i feel.

And now for a much overdue power rankings: Actress Addition

5. Jodie Foster - She'll always have a place in my heart. She may be a total lez, but I don't care. Two words: Panic Room.

4. Anne Hathaway (+2)- Probably gonna go up after she plays Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises

3. Sandra Bullock (+0) - She will probably always be in my top three. Truth be told, if I had my pick of any of these women she would probably be the hardest to turn down. I'm not even sure if I would.

2. Tina Fey (-1) - Her deciding to have a second baby, with another man, is ultimately what cost her the top spot. Still haven't finished bossypants. The first 30 pages are great though.

1. Blake Lively (+8) Rising young actress + The Private Lives of Pippa Lee + Hot girl with guys name + "Leaked" nude iphone photos. I'd wife her in a minute!

In Defense of LeBron

2011-06-15T08:56:00.000-07:00

Sunday night as I'm scrolling through my facebook newsfeed, I see a story posted by a girl who I know for a fact has not watched one minute of NBA basketball this season, and probably not a minute of the last 10 seasons. But the story was something like "The King gets his Karma." And that's when it hit me. 90% of the people that are infuriated by what LeBron did, don't even watch basketball. 90% of the people that are disgusted with LeBron, his nickname "King James", The Decision, and the Celebration Party, can't name one player on each NBA team. Probably not on half the NBA's teams.

Since Sunday night I haven't watched ESPN. at all. Because I know what I'm going to get. Not a celebration of Dirk and the Mavs, because let's face it, no one actually cares about the NBA. It's far behind football and baseball on the American sports food chain. ESPN, like any media outlet worth it's salt, is giving it's viewers what they want (that's why there are 80 singing contest shows on tv), well ESPN is giving it's viewers what they want, the greatest public flogging an athlete has ever taken.

Listen, LeBron James, left Cleveland in a very public and very messy manner. Duh. He would probably forego the decision altogether if he could. Then there was the celebration, of the fact that Miami had "won" the offseason. A celebration which can be summed up by a single soundbite of LeBron proclaiming that they would win not one, but several championships.

When I heard this, I laughed, because in this day and age it would be absurd to think that one team, consisting of the same core could win four much less seven championships.

Fast forward to the 2011 NBA Finals. The Heat lost, and somewhere between games 2 and 5, LeBron had become the most hated ~~athlete~~ man in america.

That's no simple feat when we've got a senator on trial for cheating on his wife while she was dying of cancer, congressional dick pics floating around on twitter, and a brand new season of Basketball Wives. That's when it occured to me that this thing went viral. A friend texted me he couldn't believe LeBron was getting the Rebecca Black treatment. But it makes sense....You can pack the decision, and the miami celebration into a 30 second soundbite, frame LeBron as the villian and feed it to the public for mass consumption. Have you ever been driving on the highway and had an accident on the other side slow down your side? We can't help it, we love to see a trainwreck. Love the drama, love to feel as if someone is getting his comeuppance. Even though it was a terrible PR move, I understand what LeBron was saying after the game. At some point, people have to look away from the other side of the road and keep driving. Now to be clear, no matter how correct he is, LeBron can't say that. I'm sure he's getting killed even more for saying that, but like I said, I haven't watched ESPN in a couple days so I wouldn't know.

But back to the 90% that are outraged with LeBron. Now Cleveland has a right to be upset. I'm ok with them giving it to LeBron. Fair is fair. But I would like Cleveland to know that they won't be getting any rings. Ever, for anything, or any sport, so please calm down.

However, the 90 that don't care about basketball, they represent a disturbing new trend in america that encourages people to actively to participate in the derision of another. It's the Lynch mob mentality. A lynch mob that stinks of an air of righteous indignation. For these people I have one question.

When is it acceptible to ostracize and publicly humilitate someone with all of your might?

In the last year we've had an increased awareness placed on cyber bullying, and isn't that what we're doing now? We tell our kids, "cyber bullying is wrong" and then we cyber bully the hell outta LeBron....on national television....because it makes for good tv.

I guess I just don't see the point. The core sports enthusiasts will hold this over Lebron's head until he wins a title. But everyone else, how long does this go on, a few days, a week maybe? Until the next public figure missteps? So what's the point? To somehow convince athletes through LeBron that they shouldn't be cocky? That's like trying to convice a predator not to prey on teen girls because of what he's seen on To Catch a Predator. It makes sense on paper, but in real life it doesn't work. Guys are still gonna show up at the house only to have Chris Hansen pull back the curtain and ask them to have a seat. Teams pay athletes millions of dollars to play a game, and then we shell out billions of dollars to watch them play said game.

Listen, if someone paid me millions of dollars to play a game, in my case madden, I'd be feelin myself too.

A lynch mob is a lynch mob. Certainly one that is geared around serving an athlete humble pie is far nobler than the ones that are documented in our nation's struggle with civil rights, but they're both breeding grounds of bloodlust and hate. They both germinate from a dark, ill intentioned place. There's nothing righteous about hate. Let's never make that mistake or accept the lynch mob rationalization that somehow the members of said lynch mob are better than those they condemn.

This lynch mob is powered by a presumed politcial correctness/high mindedness/superiority complex. It's a mob whose tagline should read "We want everyone to be nice, say nice things and do good all the time, and if they don't we will take it upon ourselves to publicly shame, punish, burn, embarass, ostracize, scrutinize, and persecute them to the fullest degree allowed by our societal constructs."

Criticism of LeBron is one thing, but ridicule is another.

Attention mobsters, to shame the LeBron’s of the world and to claim you're doing it in the name of "karma" is absolute hypocrisy. You can stop patting yourselves on the back. This is without a doubt the laziest, most malcious, and downright delusional stance to take. How about taking the time to curb the selective outrage that has become ubiquitous over the last 5 years. We won't go see a movie with Mel Gibson, but Mike Tyson is beloved for his role in the Hangover, the number one grossing R rated comedy of all time. And here's one, Mel Gibson shot a cameo for the sequel, but they deemed it would be too offensive to have him in it, while Mike Tyson is in the second one too. Do I need to remind you Mike Tyson raped a woman and served 3 years in prison!?! But Mel Gibson is more offensive than Mike Tyson? Selective Outrage at it's finest! To be clear, I'm not a Gibson or Tyson apologist, I'm just saying that we should strive to more even across the board.

I've made mistakes. LeBron has made mistakes. People have made mistakes before him. People have made similar mistakes, bigger mistakes, and smaller mistakes. And people will continue to make mistakes. You can learn from your mistakes and seeing the error in your ways. Unfortunately, a lynch mob doesn't show someone his mistake in order to build him up and make him better. A lynch mob has one unmistakable purpose.....to literally seek and destroy.

A Text Convo From Work

2011-06-03T22:29:00.000-07:00

So there's a guy at my job that's a total dick. He's the same guy that posted this in the office. Well, I called in sick and apparently the word did not get to him so he texted me while I was at home. I had nothing better to do, so I did this.

Scott: Hey its Scott from the station, are you close to the remote?

Me: Naw.

Scott: Where are you? You should be at the station and then heading out to sports print.

Me: Wait what?

Scott: It's on the schedule.

Me: LOL!

I would bet money that he called me the n word that day.

The Finals

2011-05-31T13:05:00.001-07:00

I'm so happy the Finals are here. Honestly since LeBron and the Cavs lost last year this is what I've been looking forward to. The regular season is kinda like having to watch a bunch of filler episodes before things start getting good.

In the regular season no one installs specific gameplans. Everything is about trying to get better and seeing what works and what doesn't. In the playoffs it's all about, how do I beat this particular team tonight. Improving yourself, or experimenting with strategies gets thrown out the window. If you're great at shooting the three, but you can only win by pounding a team in the paint, you say "fuck the three, we're going to bruise and get the W."

The Heat have LeBron and Dwyane Wade. Good luck beating them 4 times out of 7. I mean, if you have LeBron and DWade that's almost as unfair as it gets. Mix in an all-star in Chris Bosh and the rest is really about making sure the game is close in the final minutes because the other team certainly doesn't have an answer for Bron and DWade. Double team Bron, pass it Wade, Double team Wade and Bron, and then you've got one guy left to cover three. Good luck. Leave em in single and then Wade or Bron blow past their man and get fouled at the rim.

Anyone who hates LeBron should consider why they hate LeBron. Is it because he left Cleveland for Miami? No one would blame Peyton Hillis if he wanted to get out of Cleveland, in fact they'd probably be happy for him. Cleveland wasn't upset at CC for leaving to get his big pay day in the bronx. They weren't really that mad that he won a championship the next year. I understand LeBron is from Ohio, but the ones people should be mad at are Anderson Varejao, Mo Williams, Daniel "Booby" Gibson, Antawn Jamison and his 5 points per game against the Celtics, and Anthony Parker's inability to be the best basketball player in his family.

The fact is that people Hate the Heat because of the Decision, and the rising out of the smoke celebration before they won anything. But if they win it all then what. Well for starters all lot of people that have been holding in a lot of hate are going to eat a lot of cold, LeBron bobblehead tongue out crow. So you might as well let bygones be bygones and quit hating LeBron and the Heat. You don't even have to root for them, but why waste your time hating.

I mean suit yourself if you wanna hate, but now is NOT the time to delude yourself into being a Dallas Mavericks fan. You're only going to get your heart broken. Dirk is good, but not that good, not "let's try to compare him to Larry Bird in the hopes of convincing ourselves that the Mavs can beat the heat" good, and despite what you may have heard, he won't have any help around him. DWade will shut up Terry. Bosh and Haslem will hold Dirk in the 30s, and as long as the heat don't try to double Dirk and stay with their men the Mavs won't get open shots and will die by the three. It's what Atlanta did to the Magic. They conceded Howard's 40 and refused to leave any shooters open. It's worse for the Mavs because the Heat can defend Dirk, and none of the Mavs perimeter players can create their own shot. This one is gonna be short. I think it'll end in Dallas.

Kreayshawn - Gucci Gucci

2011-05-31T10:38:00.000-07:00

This girl can spit. Wacky Minaj better look out. And fuck that bitch Karmin who steals people's flows and racks up youtube views. Kreayshawn (creation?) is the truth! White girl rap on the come up!

Creativity Is King

2011-05-30T22:17:00.000-07:00

Kinda Love this commercial.

The Hangover Part II sucked...This is a good thing

2011-05-27T17:18:00.000-07:00

So if you haven't seen the hangover, I'm sorry to tell you this. But it sucks. There's a lot wrong with this movie, but in fairness I will go ahead and say that I wasn't the biggest fan of the first movie.

However, the fact is, this movie sucked. But I think that's actually a good thing for all of us. First though, why it sucked. If you haven't seen the movie, DON'T. But if you are still planning on seeing it, then stop reading as things will get a little spoilerish so you've been warned. I will say this though, I do like this trailer in particular.

The Hangover Part II is essentially the same exact movie as the Hangover. Same plot, same jokes, same storytelling devices, same basic premise. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but if you're going to do that, the jokes have to be sharper, the reveals have to be funnier, and the characters have to be deeper.

The Hangover Part II doesn't deliver on any of these fronts. With the exception of a few scenes, the movie is an homage to penis jokes and sub sophomoric humor. When a theater is packed with high school kids, and your penis jokes are only met with mild laughter, you need to hit yourself with a drake voice "what am i doin?"

A comedy is only as good as it's jokes right? Well the jokes here can be seen coming a mile away. Look, if you like penis size stereotypes, this movie is for you. If you're a fan of 2 and 1/2 men, this movie is for you. Spoiler. I knew that was Ken Jeong's penis. So the reveal of him having a small penis wasn't funny. I knew that lady had to have a penis because that's what they were going for this time around. It was too easy.

As the characters go, I'm not really sure why Doug is even in the movie. He makes a couple phone calls and that's it. Since he's gone for a lot of the first movie, it would have been nice to see him get involved in this adventure. It probably would have made for more interesting character interactions. Next, Bradley Cooper's character is almost unlikeable. And I really like the guy too. His unlikeability almost forced me out of the movie to the point where I'm realizing that I'm watching a movie rather than being fully immersed in the film. But Zach's character is the worst. He's annoying, and his lines make me think they were written by someone who vaguely remembers the first movie and decided to create a semi villainous man baby. And Ken Jeong's character makes him do the "Ken Jeong 'it's funny because I'm Asian thing'" and to me that's not funny. It's lazy and uninspired writing.

The problem stems from the fact that all that's getting green lighted in Hollywood now are sequels and reboots. How can we have another Hangover if we're making Hangover 2, Pirates of the Caribbean 8, Men In Black 3, or God forbid another Inception movie? (I loved inception, but Inception 2??? CMON!!) It doesn't make sense. Bridesmaids was a hit, and then immediately I start hearing talk about Bridesmaids 2. I think we should give the writers and directors that make these movies a little bit more freedom to make new original projects rather than jam sequels and reboots down everyone's throats. And it won't be until we stop going to see these movies that we'll stop getting them.

I went to go see the Hangover 2. I'm part of the problem. I realize that. But that's because there are good sequels. The Dark Knight is probably the reigning sequel king at the moment (Soon to be The Dark Knight Rises). I enjoyed Scream 4, the Shrek movies made a shitload of money, and The Spy Who Shagged Me was better than the original. Good sequels are one thing, but a sequel for the sake of capitalizing on one good script is disingenuous. Sequels make economic sense, just not creative sense.

I think if you're going to do a sequel it has to be done within a few parameters.

1.) Write the movies all at once. The fastest Hollywood can turn a sequel around is about 2 years. And that's if you get the script done in 6 months. The Script for the Hangover was in development for years. Of course a script which took 6 months is not going to be as inspired as a movie that a writer spent countless nights tweaking and agonizing over. So if you write the scripts all at once you don't have this problem.

A lot of times people think that the best season of their favorite tv show is the first season and that's typically because the showrunners spend anywhere from 5-10 years outlining these plots and creating characters. The time spent on a script counts.

2.) Wait a really long time to make a sequel. Scream 4. Excellent. Indiana Jones 4. Pretty good. Wall Street 2. Ok I guess that one was terrible, but you have a lot better chance of not sucking if you take the time to write a good script.

Long story short, hopefully word of mouth gets out about how the Hangover 2 sucked and people won't go see it. It's box office will be considerably lower than the first, and because the movie cost more than the first and made less the studios will take notice and green light more original movies.

Tis the season

2011-04-13T08:44:00.000-07:00

Well we're not even two weeks into the Baseball season and we've already had our first steroids scandal. Manny went manny again and got busted for some kind of banned substance. Fingers crossed Manny ain't still poppin pregnancy pills at the crib. Gotta say though, as dumb as that was, Manny played it smart and said fuck this not gettin paid til August shit I'm out this bitch!

Jay-Z got fined 50,000 large by the NBA foor going in the Wildcats lockeroom, but let's be real, it's pennies to him. The real crime was the suspect picture and that haircut. They got hats everywhere grab one. At least pull ya hoodie up jigga. As for the picture, there's a couple problems. If I'm jay, I make the dude holdin up two fingers stand ALL THE WAY in the back. He's clearly not ready for primetime. This ain't myspace. Next, what's the dude on the far left lookin at? And get your hand off his shoulder unless you wanna be in the back too. To the dude standing right behind jay that's blocked by hov and a teammate. Did you really think the camera was gonna see you? Lastly I'd like to draw your attention to the hand at the bottom left. No homo?

"You talkin' bout millions Or you talking' bout mine"

The Bonds jury has been in deliberations since Friday and I gotta say I'm starting to get worried. There's a lot of evidence to suggest that Bary will get off, but then there's also the human element. I originally thought there was no way Bonds could be convicted because 1. Greg Anderson refuses to testify 2. The trial is in San Francisco (he's beloved there) and 3. The government didn't have to prove that Bonds took steroids. They had to prove that Bonds knowingly took steroids. Do I believe the gov't proved that beyond a reasonable doubt? Absolutlety not. However, a jury can vote however they feel. That's not the way the system is supposed to work, but in the prosecutions closing statement they essentially suggested to the jury that because Greg Anderson informed the other players he injected of what they were taking there's no way he didn't inform Bonds. A weak argument, but it appeals to those who, in their hearts, despise Barry Bonds. The court of public opinion long ago convicted Barry Bonds of cheating, and as a result of that the average American isn't going to give him the benefit of the doubt. There's more evidence to suggest that Lance Armstrong doped (in a a sport that's just as dirty if not dirtier) but Lance is an icon. A rock star. He's a hero to the vast majority of the American public and we want to believe that he's clean.

"You can't sit on my lap I don't have a beard Now get off my sack..Scream at me"

If Barry is convicted he'll probably serve about 15 months of house arrest, but he'll never make it into the Hall of Fame. Which is a shame, because it'll essentially rule out Roger Clemens, Arod, Manny, and just about everyone that played from 2000 to 2007. I could go on for about 20 pages about this issue but I'll wait until after a verdict has been reached.

To the government: get off Barry's Nuts. Ha!!

When Men and Mountains Meet

2011-03-25T19:48:00.001-07:00

I've been away for a while so it'll take me a minute to knock off the rust, but let's get into it. I'm back because one of my favorite shows just ended. I'm talking about Big Love. I love this show. It's familiar and foreign at the same time. They're a family dealing with issues that every family deals with, the only exception is that the main character (Bill) has three wives. The writing is excellent and acting is incredible. I urge anyone that's a fan of television and character development to watch this series from the beginning. As far as finales go, I thought this one was perfect. Without giving anything away, I'll admit that I got a little misty eyed by the way that every moment of the show added to the resolution. I can't wait to go back and watch it from the beginning. Big Love was that good. Not to mention the intro is phenomenal (seasons 1-3)

(Seasons 4-5)

So I'm into the third round of Charlie Sheen's search for an intern. Apparently they managed to narrow a field of 75,000+ down to about 250. The worst part is a guy that works in my office got featured on the news because he made it to round 3 as well. Whatever, I'm not happy with making it to the sweet 250. I'm all about WINNING the whole damn thing. Leggo!

Fantasy baseball starts tomorrow. I took last year off becasue there was no way I was playing another year in the roto league. So I took my ball and went home until they decided to change the rules and make it head to head. As Bart Scott would say, CANT WAIT!

Well I was in the bathroom the other day, standing at the urinal when I noticed there was a dude in the stall next to me. AWKWARD. There are so many things wrong with this scenario. 1. Who takes a shit in the middle stall? Am I right!? Everybody knows, you take a shit in the stall furthest from the door. End of discussion. 2. You've gotta be an asshole to take a dump in the middle stall. Because what if somebody comes in and needs to take a shit. Then what....

Anyway, back to the point of this story. I gotta pee bad, so I know it's gonna take a second. All of a sudden this guy flushes the toilet. And this ain't a courtesy flush. This is a "I'm bout to make things awkward when we both meet at the sink" flush. So I kick it into high gear, and hit that ever so critical wiggle before I zip up and sprint to the sink.

Now I hear what sounds like the pants coming up, and I'm frantically trying to wash my hands and get paper towels before he gets out. Keep in mind, this is a small bathroom. We will have to make eye contact if I don't get out of there. So I turn off the sink try to get a paper towel...THE MUTHAFUCKA JAMS...Time is of tha *fuckin* Essence, and the muthafucka jams.... so while I'm trying pull that shit out of the dispenser, I hear the door opening and I just say fuck it..I bounce. Wet hands and all. I think he may have seen the back of my head. I dunno, but I do know that that guy is a jerk. He's supposed to wait. Some people just have 0 awareness.

About those picks

2011-01-10T09:20:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I blew it. I was wrong about every. single. game. Ouch. You know what, I'm not worried because I can explain.

Seahawks - basically, if that Marshawn Lynch run happened against you in Madden you'd be yellin about how the computer cheats too much.

Colts - Jim Caldwell fucked up. End of story. Funniest reaction was Peyton putting his hands up trying to figure out why he called that TO. Peyton has said he'll review Jim Caldwell's job status in the next week.

Chiefs - The Ravens defense IS good. Joe Flacco is NOT. Unfortunately the Chiefs aren't very good. Lest we not forget, they lost to the raiders twice.

Eagles - Plain and simple. This is the kind of game the Eagles lost last year with McNabb. With a "new" quarterback you'd think you'd have different results. Except quarterbacks don't make stops in the redzone. I'm laying this one at the feet of Andy Reid and his staff for not dealing with the blitz protection i.e. utilizing screens and hot routes. Taking it one step further, that giants comeback never happens if Vick doesn't Houdini a blitzing Giant and Miraculously escape. The Giants won that play and essentially the game, but Vick bailed everyone out. The sole bright spot of people inevitably blaming Vick and questioning whether Kevin Kolb should be the starter (*pukes a little*..I've always said the most popular player in Philly is the backup QB) is the fact that maybe, just maybe, the Eagles won't franchise Vick. It's a longshot, but hopefully MV can get out of there. That place is just toxic. skip to 2:45

Wildcard Weekend

2011-01-08T13:00:00.000-08:00

Just wanna get my calls on record. Who cares about the new overtime rules? They won't matter this week anyway...

Jets @ Colts - As much as I hate the Colts, I'm going with them at home. The Jets have a propensity for laying that goose egg in the big game. Sidebar: Calling Jim Caldwell a coach might be like calling Prince Charles a Prince. What does he really do? Colts by 3

NO @ SEA - Cmon son. It's only close cuz Seattle is at home. Saints by 10.

GB @ PHI - I'm still mad at the eagles for getting rid of McNabb, but I think since all the experts are sipping this kool-aid about how the Packers are unstobbale I'll go with Philly. One, they are at home, and 2, the Packers lost to the Redskins this year! Seriously!? And the media kills me when they dick ride a new team every week. Everybody was slurping Vick and the Eagles a couple weeks ago. Get real. Double sidebar: Remember when the Giants romped all over the Seahawks 41-7 and the media said the Giants were the team to be in the NFC. Well they won 10 games and didn't make it in while Seattle won 7 and did. Yeah... Eagles by 7.

Ravens @ Chiefs - I think the Chiefs can win at home. I mean no one really knows if Joe Flacco is any good, and the Chiefs can run the ball. Ed Reed won't factor in stopping the run. And let's not forget that the Chiefs have the 2004 Patriots GM, Offensive Coordinator and Defensive Coordinator. Yeah, I'll take KC...Chiefs win 27-10.

Deena Can NOT Get It

2011-01-08T12:04:00.000-08:00

Earlier Today Darius held a Press Conference in front of the Arch with his friends and family to address his latest controversy. The Transcript is below:

"Hello everyone, and Thank you for being here. Yesterday I tweeted a few remarks regarding the season premiere of Jersey Shore. Unfortunately, things took a regrettable turn when I tweeted "Deena could get it." As you may have surmised, I am deeply disappointed in myself. I would like to apologize to everyone that I have inconvenienced with my foolishness. I would also like to apologize to my family, Ashlee Feldman, and anyone else that I've let down. Everything just happened so fast. I thought I was invincible, "surely one more tweet can't hurt anyone" I told myself. But I was wrong. I was operating on very little sleep, my television was fuzzy, and I only saw the first 15 minutes of the episode. I believe all of these things contributed to my blunder, but please understand that I am not trying to make excuses. For the record, Deena can not get it, nor should she have the opportunity. I promise you, that in the future I will be better. I will not be taking questions at this time. Thank you."

Darius was then quickly choppered away from the scene.

Breaking News: MC Hammer Ends Beef With HOV

2010-11-11T07:09:00.000-08:00

In a shocking turn of events, what some are calling the "7 Days War" is over. Stanley Burrell (left) has decided to accept Sean Carter's unwillingness to respond to his diss record. Things became heated after King Hammer heard Jay's verse on Kanye West's "So Appalled" in which Jigga stated that he "lost 30 mill so he spent another 30, but unlike hammer 30 million can't hurt me." King Hammer immediately struck back with the number one Dance-Diss Record in America, "Better Run Run." King Hammer took personal swipes at Jay like "Naw naw, I don't rock your wear!" He even includes harder jabs that still resonate like "that boy tried to steal my swag, I saw the prints all over the bag!" No word yet on if Jay-Z ran ran and told Beyonce. But he did tell DJ Semtex, "I didn't know it wasn't on the table for discussion, I didn't know I said anything wrong." Well apparently that was good enough for Stanley, because the beef is officially over. Now you can run run and tell THAT!

Cause all da bitches love me

2010-11-04T06:24:00.001-07:00

Since Allen Iverson has been banished to Istanbul, I've had to find a new favorite point guard to call my own. DONE.

Not to mention the fact he dunked on Jerry Stackhouse.

W. -Cmon Son!

2010-11-04T05:24:00.000-07:00

George, fuck you doin in Africa? You must really be trippin off that Rangers loss, cuz you know damn well you ain't got no friends in Africa. Especially not the brotha in the right-hand corner

You played yourself Part 2

2010-11-02T10:48:00.000-07:00

Brad Childress...You played yourself. First of all, you went down to Mississippi to beg a 40 year old man to play football for your team. I mean cmon man, at least consider how it looks for a 54 year old man to beg a 40 year old man to please play for him. Then that same dude Jedi Mind tricks you into paying him 7 million more dollars when you know damn well he got a busted up ankle and an arthritic elbow. So then you go and get Randy Moss. Like you didn't know he was the type to flip out if you serve him lasagna on the Friday preceding an even numbered year's general election before 2:56 pm and after 4:18 am Hawaiian time when he's wearing his blue socks. I mean duhhhhh! Look, You knew that n*gga was Bi-Polar before you gave the Patriots your 3rd round draft pick. Don't try to act like Randy was a bad fit. You knew what you were getting, and quite honestly, you only played yourself.

You Played Yourself Part 1

2010-11-02T10:32:00.000-07:00

Jerral "Jerry" Wayne Jones...(yeah I wiki'd ya name) You Played Yourself ! A buddy of mine who worked out for your team once told me that you "smelled like money." Now I know you didn't get that way from being stupid, but you went out and spent all that money on a top of the line stadium, that is absolutely gorgeous, and your team is 1-6. PAUSE. I mean, real talk, that's like if an NBA player went out and bought a billion dollar house, got a phantom in front, but still ain't fuckin no model chicks. I don't know where to start. It's pretty bad when after each game Wade Phillips just throws his hands in the air and gives that "is he really gonna force me to coach the next game?" look. The Cowboys are undisciplined. Your team starts hittin dougies and high fivin if they win the coin toss. It's gotten to the point where I'm pretty sure every Sunday JaMarcus Russell watches the game while sipping some codeine in his living room and thinks to himself "Man the cowboys are garbage."

And quick shout out to Cowboys fans...you really gonna boo a man that ain't started a game in 2 years!?!? You mad or somethin???

Trap Games

2010-11-01T10:20:00.000-07:00

"In the trap with some Killas and some Hood N*ggas...Where you at? Where's your trap, you ain't Hood N*gga." -Waka Flocka aka Flockaveli excerpt from "Hard in Da Paint"

Sunday at Ford Field, as Usher would put, the Redskins got caught up.
I don't even know where to begin. Is it the 37 points allowed, no. We're not going to bury the lead. There are very few things my cousin understands well. For instance, he truly believes that Waka Flocka is a great rapper. *BLANK STARE* All I'm going to say about waka is that it's a good thing that n*gga rhymes with N*gga or he'd be finished. Anyway, my cousin is only 12, but he plays madden and he does understand that Rex Grossman sucks. Back in 06, (when he loved playing with the bears) we made a rule that if Rex Grossman is subbed in the game due to injury we're allowed to quit no questions asked. Cut to 2010 & Mike Shanahan inexplicably subbing in Rex Grossman to lead the team to victory. Then, out of nowhere, Rex Grossman goes Rex Grossman on the very first play.

I don't think people can really appreciate how clutch that was for Rex. I mean, imagine if somebody just goes up to you and says, "ok, be funny." Pretty difficult spot right? Rex comes in cold, and gives us vintage Rex in one take. I mean even Bron's 60 minutes half court shot has to give him props. Kudos Rex, you only get one shot. Do NOT miss your chance to blow!

Look. As Ochocinco said on the T.Ocho show--(quality tv if you're not watching btw)--"if anybody thinks that Rex Grossman gives they team the best chance to win, then they need to slap theyself!"

I may post the numbers later, but there's no comparison. Just off the top of my head, McNabb has 24 fourth quarter comebacks to Grossman's 0. (Romo also has a goose egg.) McNabb has never finished a season with more INTs than TDs and Grossman has done it 4 times. 6 Probowls. Is in the top 3 at protecting the ball among quarterbacks through his career. Has thrown nearly 200 more TDs than Grossman. Grossman btw has thrown more INTS 36 than TDs 33 for his career, and that's not even getting at the biggest problem.

His SUPPORTING CAST! It's eerily similar to the Rush Limbaugh days when people would say McNabb was the problem even though he had no weapons. Even Todd Pinkston (video below) thinks it's a good idea to cut McNabb some slack. Who can McNabb throw to in Washington? Ryan Tourain is the running back. The O-line is garbage. You get four milliseconds of protection and then the ball has to be out, or you need to run for your life. Which he did, 4 carries for 45 yards, which by the way LED THE TEAM IN RUSHING. Good work Running backs! You're right Mike Shanahan, the guy on 2 bad hammy's...he's out of shape.

The receivers are Chris Cooley(ok fine), Anthony Armstrong (who?), old ass Santana Moss, and an older ass Joey Galloway. What you know about "big game" Keiland WILLIAMS!!!??? All I'm sayin is, every time McNabb drops back it's like watching a scene out of the Hurt Locker. Is he gonna defuse the bomb in time? or does he just need to give up and try to escape the blast radius? It's compelling to say the least...

Classic Pinkston.

REST IN PEACE

2010-10-25T20:22:00.000-07:00

Tony Romo 2006-2010

Quiet time

2010-10-04T09:42:00.000-07:00

I was talking to my friend and he brought up something I noticed, but never really thought about. When people talk shit on twitter or facebook about how great their team is, if their team starts to trail they SHUT THE FUCK UP. Remember the girl I told you about before, yeah, her timeline went radio silent right about the time the redskins got up 14-0. HAHA! I love it, but my other friend who is a Colts fan and tweets every first down was SUUUUPER quiet yesterday. At first I thought my twitter wasn't updating but then I checked the game, and saw they were trailing the Jags 14-7, and then it hit, yup, people tend to SHUT THE FUCK UP when their team is trailing.

Donovan did it! I can't believe this. I am so happy right now! Words just can't describe how good it felt to beat the eagles.

Who can you trust?

2010-10-01T10:41:00.001-07:00

I'm trying to win a survivor league and maintain my perfect status as I am 2 for 2 in past leagues. I've always won for a couple of reasons, and I've decided to share them today.

Never pick a team that you root for. It clouds your judgment.

Avoid picking a division game if you can. These teams play each other so much that no one has a real advantage, and the more you play someone the harder it is for one team to keep winning.

Beware the winless/terrible team at home. I'm pretty sure 99% of all big special teams plays for bad teams liked blocked FGs, punt/kickoff return TDs happen at home. You don't need that.

Don't pick against the Oakland Raiders. EVER. They will probably lose, but there are days when they are the best team in the league. I can't explain it.

With that said. Hopefully I can pull this one off this year. And if anyone has other tips please share. We're in this together!

This week, the packers better beat the Lions. I hope I don't get burned by my own rules.

P.S.

I hate traditional fantasy football. I just suck at it. This year I got Adrian Peterson and my team still sucks. It's very disheartening. Oh well...

ALL OF THE LIGHTS!

2010-09-30T06:45:00.000-07:00

Yeah I listened to Kanye's leaked version of "Lost in the World" and "All of the Lights." Both Dope tracks, but this album almost feels like a hip-hop version of 808s and Heartbreak. I understand Ye being pissed though. The guy wants people to listen to it when it's perfect. I feel for him there. Lesson here, if you're going to leak something, let the guy finish it first. Don't just leak some 2.1MB low quality sample and slap your "DJ MIX TAPE DOT COM WWW DJ MIXTAPE" tags all over it. Fuck you DJ, no credit.

Well "All of the lights" will certainly be on Philadelphia this week as McNabb returns to his old stomping grounds. I can't wait

I had this girl try and TWEET me that...hold on, let me quote the actual nonsense that she ranted.

"we're a proud city and we're proud of our teams. When you smack us in the face with things you say, you'll lose respect." <--what? i guess that tweet was brought to you by "white wine: embarrassing white women for centuries." umm, if by proud you mean hyper critical, then ok, maybe i see your point. But is pride the reason why McNabb was always the problem with the Eagles not winning the Superbowl. Step outside of your small mindset for 2 seconds and you'll see that instead of not winning the superbowl, which only 1 team can do every year, how terrible for you not to experience that. and in the saddest twist of all, you have to go back to your non-superbowl winning life as a a privileged, big breasted blonde that can talk cops out of giving her traffic tickets...it's like something out of a dicken's novel. McNabb brought you to 5 conference championship games and 1 superbowl. And fyi, during that superbowl the eagles best receiver was playing on 1 leg, and the patriots knew what plays the defense was running because they were stealing signals. But that was donovan's fault. *you're right.* *ROLLS my eyes*. *SHM* And as far as your quip about McNabb not respecting the city, he was talking about their QB controversy and the franchise.

"That's Philadelphia--things like that happen," McNabb said. "I've been a part of that for 11 years. Obviously, as you see, it just doesn't stop." read: That's the Philadelphia Franchise, OR that's the Eagles. NOT that's the city. Wow. Context CLUES baby girl.

She goes on to say "and philly is NOT a bunch of ingrates." and to that I respond OK, YOU ARE SOOO RIGHT. PHILLY IS NOT A BUNCH OF INGRATES. PHILADELPHIA HAS THE BEST FANS IN SPORTS AND THEY ALWAYS SUPPORT THEIR TEAMS AND PLAYERS. THE BACKUP QUARTERBACK WILL NEVER BE THE MOST POPULAR PLAYER THERE. PHILADELPHIA IS PROBABLY THE CLOSEST WE'LL GET TO HEAVEN ON EARTH. I LOVE PHILADELPHIA AND THEIR WARM ADORING FANS. *purges*

Well, I am glad to see Michael Vick doing well, because I want him to get out of Philadelphia. That's Kevin Kolb's job, and he's just keeping the seat war. Either until he struggles or he just leaves outright. Kevin Kolb is the future of that Franchise and I think Andy Reid knows that if he wants to keep his job he has to win now, so he's going with Vick. (No word yet, on if the Kol;b future is a bright future) That makes me think Andy didn't want to get rid of McNabb, because if he wanted to get Kevin Kolb in there Kevin Kolb would be starting now.

Unless........and here's my theory. I'm very excited about this one. So excited in fact, that I chest bumped the door after coming up with this. It was a little awkward. Anyway,....Unless........Vick vs. McNabb sets up as a better matchup because there's no pressure on Vick. If Kolb had to play, he'd have the weight of trying to run the offense, plus the added stress of the media attention and certain scrutiny that would have come. After each possession there would be a split screen comparing the QB's numbers thus far. The week leading up to it, there would be a mic in Kolb's face everyday, people would be at practice snapping photos, he wouldn't be able to get away from it. Now he can pretty much hide on the sidelines, and when McNabb leaves the Redskins at the end of this year you'll only have to see him AT MOST once a year. It's brilliant really. Not on Andy's part, on mine.

You're probably better off leaving Kolb in there to takes his lumps so he can grow with the offense and be ready to go next year, but who even knows if they'll be football next year. Heck, if Kolb doesn't get hurt maybe we never even see Mike Vick in his old form. That's why we play the games I guess.

And 1 final thought. Everyone's favorite NFL dick to jump on, besides America's team duh, is Michael Vick. I've heard all this mess about how he's better, he works harder, he's a better player. And while I do think he's gotten better, I don't think he was bad to begin with. It's looks alright on paper what they're saying, but there's just something behind it that doesn't set right. Like when people call smart black men, or Obama "articulate." I mean it's not an "insult," but it is. Vick had to run in Atlanta because his best receiver was BRIAN FINNERAN! and you could pretty much count on finneran to find his way onto the injured reserve list by week 2. His 2nd best receiver was Alge Crumpler and he always injured his hamstring or broke his leg by week 4. But even then Vick was a good passer. He just can't catch the ball too, but don't take my word for it, see for yourself.

NBA 2k11

2010-09-30T06:29:00.000-07:00

Derek Jeter = Legend

2010-09-27T19:41:00.000-07:00

Sportscenter ad feat. Jeter. If you didn't believe from SNL, now you know he has a post baseball career in hollywood.

The Dallas Cowboys are Wack

2010-09-18T12:30:00.000-07:00

The Dallas Cowboys suck. They suck every year, and yet somehow every year they are labeled as a team that can "win it all" or "tremendously talented" or "America's team." Since when did America's team become THE dick to jump on. I mean every sports reporter in America is Ines Sainzing it up in the cowboys locker room wishing the could get whistled at. But Let me get somethin off my chest real quick.

Yo tony Romo. You a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH.

Alex Barron. You a soft *spoiled* muthafucka. It's not enough that you're the most penalized player of all-time (ALL-TIME) Tryna choke muthafuckas out. SMH

Ok, this goes back to the Bill Parcels era. Remember when the Cowboys sucked. Yeah, they brought in Parcells to change the mentality and culture of the origination and he did just that. Those guys knew they weren't the most talented, but they played hard and for each other to make up for it. They were disciplined. When the Cowboys sold their soul to the devil and chose TO over Bill Parcells it was all downhill. Now they don't even have a coach. The Cowboys OC is the coach, Wade Phillips just kind of stands around. I have a pretty good feeling Tony Romo called that play at the end of the first half that DeAngelo Hall ran into the endzone. Yo Wade, you gonna let an undrafted Free Agent call his own plays???

The Cowboys best player is their tight end. This is a problem. That's why the Chiefs NEVER got anywhere with Tony Gonzalez.

Marion Barber can't make anyone miss and he's slow. That muhfucka just bowls people over. But now that the cowboys line is garbage he never gets one on one, there's 3 or 4 people meeting him behind the line.

Roy Williams is a first round Detroit lions picked wide receiver. He's sucks. Roy Williams is nothing more than a poor man's Roy Williams.

Back to Tony Romo, Tony Romo is a pale, bitchmade, soft, inaccurate, poor mechanics having, non confidence inspiring, BIIIIIIIITCH. Has Tony Romo ever lead a drive when he was behind to come back and win? No. Has Tony ever been past the second round of the playoffs No. Has Tony ever beaten a team other than the eagles in the playoffs? NO. Has he crumbled in every other one of his playoff appearances? Yes. Tony Romo you suck as a player. As a person we're cool, but on the field you a BIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!

Face Down, Ass Up...Like A bitch!

Being dragged on a leash...Like a Bitch!

Not Protecting the Football...Like a Bitch!

And finally, needing to be consoled....Like a Bitch!

Rumble Young Man Rumble!!!!!

2010-09-13T07:20:00.000-07:00

Kanye returns triumphantly to perform his single "Runaway"

MTV VMA Award Predictions

2010-09-10T10:15:00.000-07:00

Because the formula for MTV VMA Awards is to give as many awards to everyone's favorite artists as possible these are my picks for Sunday's Awards. Bolded are who I think will win. Italicized are those that should win. With me? Good. Let's go.

BEST COLLABORATION
B.o.B featuring Hayley Williams
Title: Airplanes

Beyoncé featuring Lady Gaga
Title: Video Phone (Extended Remix)

Lady Gaga featuring Beyoncé
Title: Telephone

3OH!3 featuring Ke$ha
Title: My First Kiss

Jay-Z & Alicia Keys
Title: Empire State of Mind

BEST FEMALE VIDEO --Although, I find it hard to believe Taylor won't win something this year

Lady Gaga
Title: Bad Romance

Ke$ha
Title: TiK ToK

Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg
Title: California Gurls

Beyoncé featuring Lady Gaga
Title: Video Phone (Extended Remix)

Taylor Swift
Title: Fifteen

BEST MALE VIDEO
Eminem
Title: Not Afraid

Usher featuring Will.i.am
Title: OMG

B.o.B featuring Hayley Williams
Title: Airplanes

Drake
Title: Find Your Love

Jason Derulo
Title: In My Head

BEST HIP HOP VIDEO
B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams
Title: Airplanes

Eminem
Title: Not Afraid
Album: Recovery

Drake, Kanye West, Lil Wayne & Eminem
Title: Forever

Jay-Z & Swizz Beats
Title: On To The Next One

Kid Cudi featuring MGMT & Ratatat
Title: Pursuit Of Happiness

BEST NEW ARTIST
Ke$ha
Title: TiK ToK

Jason Derulo
Title: In My Head

Justin Bieber featuring Ludacris
Title: Baby

Nicki Minaj featuring Sean Garrett
Title: Massive Attack

Broken Bells
Title: The Ghost Inside

BEST POP VIDEO
Lady Gaga
Title: Bad Romance

Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dog
Title: California Gurls

Ke$ha
Title: TiK ToK

Beyoncé featuring Lady Gaga
Title: Video Phone (Extended Remix)

B.o.B featuring Bruno Mars
Title: Nothing on You

BEST DANCE MUSIC VIDEO
Lady Gaga
Title: Bad Romance

Enrique Iglesias featuring Pitbull
Title: I Like It

Cascada
Title: Evacuate The Dancefloor
Album: Evacuate The Dancefloor

David Guetta featuring Akon
Title: Sexy Chick

Usher featuring Will.i.am
Title: OMG

VIDEO OF THE YEAR
Lady Gaga
Title: Bad Romance

Florence + The Machine
Title: Dog Days Are Over

30 Seconds To Mars
Title: Kings and Queens

Lady Gaga featuring Beyoncé
Title: Telephone

Eminem
Title: Not Afraid

B.o.B featuring Hayley Williams
Title: Airplanes

BEST ART DIRECTION
Lady Gaga
Title: Bad Romance

Florence + The Machine
Title: Dogs Days Are Over

Eminem
Title: Not Afraid
Album: Recovery

30 Seconds To Mars
Title: Kings and Queens

Beyoncé featuring Lady Gaga
Title: Video Phone (Extended Remix)

BEST CHOREOGRAPHY
Lady Gaga
Title: Bad Romance
Album: The Fame Monster

Lady Gaga featuring Beyoncé
Title: Telephone

Beyoncé featuring Lady Gaga
Title: Video Phone (Extended Remix)

Usher featuring Will.i.am
Title: OMG

Janelle Monáe featuring Big Boi
Title: Tightrope

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
Eminem
Title: Not Afraid
Album: Recovery

Jay-Z & Alicia Keys
Title: Empire State of Mind

Lady Gaga
Title: Bad Romance

Mumford and Sons
Title: Little Lion Man

Florence + The Machine
Title: Dog Days Are Over

The Most Interesting Men

2010-09-08T12:55:00.000-07:00

NFL Season is here. Finally. Like the final season of LOST we're about to get some fucking answers!

Leinart and Cutler (labeled can't miss prospects) the busts while Young is the gem?

Is this the year the Texans finally make the playoffs?
Anquan Boldin. A true number 1?

Are the Jets any good? I mean, better than 9-7 barely making the playoffs because the Colts laid down in the final week and then getting hot at the right time good.

Are the Patriots old and washed up?

Can Donovan McNabb lead a terrible Redskins team to victory?

Will Brett Favre be anything like the guy from last year?

Will Chad and Terrell still be best buds by seasons end?

Did the Raiders add four or five wins to their year by cutting JaMarcus? Well they're at least subtracting 4 or 5 guaranteed losses.

Can the Saints repeat when they'll get everyones best shot? I fuckin hate the saints. I hate Reggie Bush, I hate Jeremy Shockey. And I hate Drees Brees' smallest child. FUCK HIM.

Are the Packers and Aaron Rodgers really an elite team?

Will Dallas be the first team to play at their home field in the Superbowl?

Musical Musings

2010-08-24T16:47:00.000-07:00

"In search of the truth even if it goes through Taylor Swift, tell her this" - Jay-Z
So a couple weeks ago Kanye's Power Remix dropped and I have to say that I didn't think it was going to be as great as he hyped it up to be. To be honest, it seemed a little unnceccessary as Power was already a solid lead single and seemingly left Ye without much place to go. Well I was wrong. The morning it dropped, Kanye had me wylin within five minutes of getting out of bed. It's the "I got the Power sample" with the Sizzy flair that takes the energy of that song to the next level. I think the song also serves as a sort of turning point for Kanye's career. Not that I was ever worried about Ye, but he had to come hard in order to ensure that the haters would be put in their place. I mean they were pretty pissed off, and about what really? He interrupted a white girl. Not attacked, or assaulted, he interrupted her rambling to make a point and then let her continue her speech. Makes me think they didn't care too much for him to begin with. (I wonder what Dr. Laura's initial reaction was.) Anyway, remember on the Diamonds Remix when Jay merked Kanye on his own single? Yeah, business..mannnnnn. Well this time Jay rips it, but by the end, you've all but forgotten that HOV was even on the track. Kanye is hitting his prime. He's the Steve Young to Hov's Joe Montana. Sure HOV is still an elite quartback, but Ye is right there. p.s. I love that Jay goes after Taylor. can. not. say it enough. fuck her!

"I remember seeing this painting and thinking…Why don’t you look like a Warhol? And then I found out he painted it was when he was 23. That’s what I feel like. I’m that painting." -Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga absolutley killed this interview on FUSE yesterday. I've seen it before, but it was a while ago, and I forgot some of the gems she dropped. That's why she's elevated herself on my depth chart. Yep, I'd marry her if the opportunity arised. She's so thoughtfully bizarre while managing to balance her crazy with a refreshing candor, genuine love of her fans, and self awareness.

"I don’t care what people think about me, I care what they think about themselves." -Lady Gaga

So Sara Bareilles' team dropped another track from the album. I personally think it will be amazing, but I'm not sure about how well the album will sell given the economic climate and the apparent lack of traditional singles. That's what killed Kelly Clarkson's "My December" and had everyone wondering if she could ever regain her luster. She did. Her next album may have had too many songs that were like singles. Almost as if it were screaming "look! look at me! a commercially viable project!" But it ended up lacking the heart of "My December." The thing about singles is that they are set to move records. They don't necessarily reflect what the artist is trying to accomplish with the album. I think a great example of this is "Lollipop." It SOLD albums, but stylistically it's nothing like the rest of the Carter III. Some people just do whatever the fuck they want, and because they're so good it doesn't matter. I loved 808s & Heartbreak, but it produced more than it's fair share of blank stares. Some called it emo while others labeled it anywhere from pure genius to a Kanye robotic fail.

'Now I just make music for me. It's like my house, because it's where I have to live. It's what I have to perform, 100 shows a year. So people may comment on it to their friends, but when they try and make a suggestion to me, it's like suggesting I change the couch in my living room - "Fuck you, it's my couch." I'm just allowing people in my home... if you don't like it, you can leave.' -Kanye

The point: I love when artists do something different. The fact that Kanye reached a point in his life that sent him in a different musical direction was awesome. Those beats on 808s were sick. And, Ye laid down the whole album in 3 weeks. Ask Dr. Dre, and his "Detox is...uhhh, I'm still workin on it, ummm, did I say this year?...uhhh..yo check these beats headphones!" how hard it is to finish an album. Look, when Wayne says he's doing a rock album like Rebirth, I get excited. These guys aren't going to embarass themselves. The music will be good. Go along for their artistic journey. When people do the same shit over and over again it gets old. It's not for you to dictate the music they give, otherwise we'd never get anything new. Think about it. Speakerboxx/The Love Below would never have happened if Outkast didn't have the courage to embrace change. Get off these artists for reaching or else people will be afraid to digress musically and stumble upon more grear music. UGH! enough of this rant though.
Hopefully Sara's album sells well, because everything I've heard is solid. + she's a hell of a singer. With that said, I'm pissed I've had to wait so long, so when the album leaks I WILL be downloading it.

Where to begin...Creativity

2010-08-20T06:53:00.000-07:00

Gwen Stefani is tight. I've always loved this commercial.

These are my friends

2010-08-03T21:10:00.001-07:00

I was cleaning some files off of my desktop and I ran across this gem that I saved a while back. one time I left my aim open and my friend Sudar started talking to chase (CBryant737) as me(flognart2004). Context: 2005-2006 NFL season

CBryant737: bye bye westbrook
CBryant737: i think its safe to say
CBryant737: that the eagles are done
Flognart2004: nah
Flognart2004: koy detmer is the truth
Flognart2004: mcnabb was holding us back
Flognart2004: he's a great athlete and everything, but he can't lead a team
Flognart2004: look at the vikings
CBryant737: damn son
CBryant737: u admit that mcnabb sucks
Flognart2004: i hate mcnabb so much
Flognart2004: he drove TO out of town
CBryant737: before u were on his nuts
CBryant737: talking about how i hated all black qbs
Flognart2004: nah i realized the truth
CBryant737: because i dodnt like mcflabb
Flognart2004: if matt schaub was taking snaps for the falcons they'd be 12-0 with the colts
Flognart2004: vick can't throw
Flognart2004: leftwich is okay
Flognart2004: but other than that
Flognart2004: i hate guys who can't throw the ball
CBryant737: hahahaahah
CBryant737: wow
CBryant737: thats a 180 degree turn
Flognart2004: they should all be converted to wide receivers
CBryant737: from our last convo
CBryant737: WOW
Flognart2004: yeah i hate the eagles man i realized
CBryant737: u dont even like vick anymore?
Flognart2004: nah, fuck that diseased dirty motherfucker
Flognart2004: he can't do shit
Flognart2004: he runs
CBryant737: lolll
Flognart2004: and aaron brooks
CBryant737: what made u come to this epiphany
Flognart2004: he's the worst of the worst
Flognart2004: watching how tams like the colts and pats are real winners
Flognart2004: peyton and tom can't move
Flognart2004: but theyre smart
Flognart2004: they chill in the pocket and run the team
Flognart2004: they take control of the situation
Flognart2004: that's what real qb's do
Flognart2004: i can't stand these posers
CBryant737: wait
CBryant737: this isnt darius

Kanye's Top 10 Tweets

2010-07-29T13:55:00.000-07:00

I'm sure Kanye's already produced ten more brilliant tweets in the last few minutes, but whatevs. Kanye is killing twitter right now!! I don't take Kanye too seriously so he doesn't bug me, instead I find his blend of arrogance and self awareness captivating and downright hilarious. I think you will too. Here we go.

10. "keep fresh flowers in the crib" --makes sense, Ye's just tryin to help

9. "I ordered the salmon medium instead of medium well I didn't want to ruin the magic" i'm so confused by this tweet. magic salmon?? fine Kanye, I'll have the magic salmon too.

8. "Classical music is tight yo" ---can't argue with that yo

7. "The album is no longer called "Good Ass Job" I'm bouncing a couple of titles around now" --a sensible, kanye is actually human tweet. no joke, i like it.

6. "Hold on... let me see if I can get a pic of this small ass jet!!!" (followed this by picture) --I bet the guy taking the picture and his friends were like "OH DAMN YE! LOOK AT YOU PICK UP THAT PLANE THE BEST!!! NO ONE MAN SHOULD HAVE ALL THAT POWER!!!"
5. "Dating models I had to learn to like small dogs and cigarettes" --that's cool, but i asked you when the album is coming out.

4. "This Maybach make me feel so little #FREEWEEZY"
Kanye reminds us that's important to think about others while riding in a $400,000 car

And for the last three I'll let Kanye speak for himself:

3. "I think Twitter was designed specifically with me in mind just my humble opinion hahhhahaaaahaaa humble hahahahhahaahaaaa"

2. "I specifically ordered persian rugs with cherub imagery!!! What do I have to do to get a simple persian rug with cherub imagery uuuuugh"

1. 120,000!! This is way to much I need a moment!!! Can I quote myself or is that like talking in 3rd person which Kanye loves to do LOL

Kristin of Big Brother 12

2010-07-22T20:13:00.000-07:00

Kristin is HOT. And she knows it. She's weird, and she doesn't talk a lot, but for some reason I want her to stay.

Inception, Big Brother, and Baseball

2010-07-19T09:25:00.000-07:00

Inception: I thought it was great. There are a few haters out there, but their complaints against the movie boiled down to their purest roots sound like sour grapes. "I don't like the movie because so many other people like it! Humph!" I agree that some people are going too far by saying that it's intellectual, or the thinking man's blockbuster, but that doesn't mean it wasn't good. Besides, here's the number one reason I won't knock Inception. It was ORIGINAL. It wasn't a sequel, it wasn't a reboot, it wasn't a remake. Hollywood loves to recycle shit because movies are a business and they need to make money. Franchises are the safe bet right now. But if audiences continue to show movies like Inception and Despicable Me support, then we'll get MORE great movies. But I want to make one thing absolutely clear, as much as I loved Inception, I'll shoot someone in the face if they make an Inception 2.

Big Brother (Spoilers) : So big brother got a healthy does of egg on it's face. It's a real shame Annie (who it turns out was the saboteur, above) was voted out in the first week. The realer shame is this: She should have stayed based on her plea, but the people in the house are at best morons, and at worst cowards. Hayden put up Rachel and Brendan on the block (the first showmance, below) with the goal of sending one of them home. Then when Brendan won the POV somehow the idea of breaking up the showmance went right out the window as they decided Annie had to go. But if you're breaking up the showmance, get rid of Rachel. BOOM. Showmance done. But they vote out Annie, and surprise, RACHEL wins HoH. And I saw her nominations a mile away. Even though they were all like "Brendan's basically HoH." No, when a woman is HoH this early in the game she will seek to DESTROY every other woman in the house. This is a perfect example of why there will never be a female president. Basically, women hate other women. If they didn't, women would rule the world, because all men want to do is impress women. --And Annie put it best, they're just like the Donatos. You can say you'll get them next week, but in this game there is no next week. There's only right now. All the more reason why I'm def going to win big brother.

Baseball: I haven't played Fantasy this year, but I've been following it. And there's a few things I want to get off my chest. The emergence of Josh Johnson, I remember sitting in Toyon my sophomore year listening to my friend tell me how he was going to be a stud. I believed him, and I've drafted him every year since. How are people just finding out about him now, he was a stud last year. Ubaldo and Strasburg. Start w/ Ubaldo. In baseball, everything evens out. It just does. If a person is on fire in the second half, they aren't going to have that SAME level of success in the second half. It's just not goin down that way. Ubaldo had 15 wins before the break, and he's not going to get 30, so then I think, he's probably not going to get 25. But people are acting like it's a slump, no it's baseball. It's hard to win games. Same for Strasburg. He's not going to K 14 every night. Let the guy grow and learn how to pitch rater than when he loses a game (for the nationals btw) roll a headline saying "Strasburg Mortal?" Really ESPN? But It sounds like someone at ESPN is starting to take a step back and realize that things are getting out of control. Don Ohlmeyer ESPN's Ombudsman (really important glorified PR guy) wrote this about ESPN televising LeBron's "Decision."

GaGa

2010-07-12T18:50:00.000-07:00

Big Brother 12 + Basketball Lessons

2010-07-09T10:46:00.000-07:00

I love this show. I really do. And Last night didn't disappoint....it was just the first episode. Nobody hates each other, no alliances have formed, and I'm not too opposed to anyone just yet, but I already feel like I'm going to hate some people and love a few. Let's discuss:

Last year, I loved the girl with the big titties, but this year, I dunno. She tries too hard to act ditsy when she's a chemist. Which means any time she is mildly responsible for someone getting evicted she is going to gloat like she invented the super collider. Hot bitches that have the "i'm going to prove I'm smart" chip on their shoulders are the worst. Nice titties though.

Annie Seems cute and Funny. I like her.Britney seems like that girl that loves you, until she loves you too much, and so she decides that you have to die.Kristin strikes me as the hottest. We'll see about personality, but I want her to stay around.

Letter From the Cavs Owner: Do's And Dont's for Dan Gilbert and 1 for LeBron (you can read it here)

DO: Use inflammatory religious metaphors to make it seem as if this is much more important than games of five on five basketball.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

DON'T: Distract from said metaphor by using Comic Sans. I suggest Times New Roman, or the up and coming Calibri.

DO: Intentionally leave out the gaping holes in your argument. Dan Gilbert said a lot of things in his letter, but not one time did he say "We have a good Basketball team."

(LeBron) DON'T: Break up with your ~~girlfriend~~ team on National Television. But if you must, do it on "Fox and Friends." You'll still seem like the most reasonable person there.

DON'T: Get caught up in the moment and say crazy things that will most certainly end up with a victory parade in South Beach.

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE"

Purple Drank

2010-07-07T14:16:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been going back and forth on whether I despise Ke$ha or not. I tend to like her more when I can't actually see her, because her whole grungy, garbage bag chic vibe is not doing it for me. But her mastered, studio quality, not performing live music is catchy. (This is the classiest photo of her I could find.)

I'm officially tired of NBA free agency. I can't take it anymore. I'm so glad that it won't be like this next year. The only thing I'll say about LeBron's ESPN special is this: What if an ESPN reporter gets the scoop early. Have they been explicity told by ESPN not to report the story. And even if they haven't been told anything, are the reporters worried about retaliation by the network. If I'm a reporter, and my contract is coming up in a few months, and I find out something, I'm NOT saying a word. There's a definite conflict of interest there. Here's hoping a reporter from Fox or NBC finds something out.

Power Rankings for Summer Films I've Haven't Seen Yet:

1. Inception -If this is shutter Island part 2 I'm going to burn down the theater.

Great Special Effects + Ellen Page = You couldn't pay me to not see this movie.

2. Despicable Me -the little girl is too funny!

3. Grown Ups -Too many cooks in the kicthen?

How do all these guys who shine on their own "share the ball" if you will? I hope it turns out like the redeem team. I fear it'll be like the 04 Lakers. Probably like that new "We are the World."

Honorable mention to "Tom Cruise & Cameron Diaz's Excellent Adventure." I'd probably go see it if tom cruise didn't insist on going around to all the talk shows and pretending he's normal. Why hasn't Katie Holmes spoken in like 2 years? Is she a cylon? That's the more pressing issue.

So apparently JaMarcus Russell got caught with purple drink. The funniest respone I read was that he was "trying to throw the drink away but he ended up taking a 12 yard sack." Now the scary part about purple drink is that the shit actually looks delicious. Apparently you mix codeine (think dimetapp) with sprite, and jolly ranchers. HOW FUCKING AWESOME DOES THAT SOUND!?!?!?

The Frenzy

2010-07-05T19:29:00.000-07:00

I admit, I always say I'm going to start blogging more regularly, but this time I mean it. Like really, this is happening. But because I'm way overdue, I'm going to have to hit the highlights I've missed over the past few weeks in a quick hits post. Let's Go!
Free Agent Frenzy:
It was cool to see Amar'e (stupid spelling of his name aside) sign with the Knicks. 1. I'm happy for my friend Sudar who is a die-hard Knicks fan and watched every game of the 23 win season debacle. and 2. It helps clear up the picture a little bit. Wade can't stay in Miami alone, which means Bosh WILL go to Miami or Chicago. And if LeBron doesn't act quickly he'll be forced to stay in Cleveland. If Wade goes to Chi, LeBron could only go to NY or CLE. And in my opinion Amar'e has Elton Brand's disease (EBD) written all over him. (Return from injury to play great, sign a max deal, and then return to injury.) Plus even if the knicks got Carmelo, he plays the same position as LeBron. It makes no sense. Bron may want to leave, but he can't. Maybe he can just sign a shorter deal with Cleveland. Or have a player option after 3 years.
P.S. This is all because Bosh got cold feet on the Miami deal. He wants max money at all cost, because he can't get endorsements like Wade or Bron.

P.S.S. Joe Johnson has got it all figured out. He basically just stole 125 million from the hawks. Better them than the Knicks though.
Sex in the City 2:

I don't know who's worse, the idiots who made sex and the city 2, or the idiots who went to go see it. Everyone involved with the making of this movie should be arrested. Kim Catrall should be water boarded.

NBA: Remember how dominant the magic looked? Turns out the Magic suck. We just didn't think they sucked cuz the teams they played before REALLY sucked. They played the bobcats (nuff said) and the hawks (who let the bogut-less bucks take them to 7.) Cleveland would have cruised past them had they not gotten Rondo'd up. I just wanted to bring that to your attention.

Sidebar: I love this NBA commercial.

Big Brother 12 starts July 8th. This Thursday! Be about it!

Tiger Woods will dominate again folks. He got shook down for 100 mill. It's hard to focus when everyone is taking shots at you. But all this talk about how he's done--->CHILD PLEASE.

How to Alienate Your Fans 101 By LBJ

2010-05-13T16:37:00.000-07:00

I'm pumped for tonight, but I fear I may have to cut off my playoff beard. If they lose tonight, I'll have to watch Kobe win another title, but on the plus side, I won't have to see Rachel Nichols busted mug on my screen for a while. (until brett favre decides to leave his house) I can the ESPN story now.

You have to imagine her voice saying this.

"Today Brett Favre left his house and drove to starbucks. But he didn't order his usual cafe latte. He instead opted for a double mochoa. Mocha is the skin color of teammate sidney rice. Now you're probably wondering what this means. It means I'll be back here tomorrow. Reporting from Brett Favre's House...Rachel Nichols. E-S-P-N."

Anyway, back to bron bron. I understand he was frustrated, but I don't think he quit. I think Avery Johnson summed it up best by saying, "Lebron hit a mental wall and said to himself 'wow... it's really four against one tonight.'"

Anyway, how to alienate fans 101.

1. Tell the losingest sports city that they're "spoiled."

What's next, why don't you hop a jet and tell the make a wish kids that they're spoiled and fiscally irresponsible...you know, cuz they're just gonna die anyway...

2. Feel bad for yourself. <--huh?

3. Talk about how few bad games you've had.

That's like Ben Roethlisberger saying he had 2 bad nights in 7 year career.

4. Wear a yankees cap ALL THE TIME and insist it means nothing.

5. Pass the ball to Anderson Varejao

I don't care if you're tripled teamed, and he's wide open under the basket. Under no circumstance do you pass him the ball. Call a timeout.

----hey, so who want's to go see "just wright"

LOL

Noah thinks Derrick Rose is a "Special Guy"

2010-04-26T00:12:00.000-07:00

If ya'll watched basketball today then you know exactly what I'm talking about. Joakim Noah was interviewed about Derrick Rose and what he means to the team when it took an incredibly awkward turn. It was one of those 15 second clip everyone ignores while you wait for them to put the game back on the screen. But he managed to fuck this one ALL the way up. He was like, (and i'm paraphrasing) Derrick's so good, (no longer paraphrasing) "he's really a special guy." I was shocked. O_o All I could think was GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY (not that there's anything wrong with that)....I had this exchange w/ my friend Christy.

Me: Joakim Noah might be gay. He was talkin bout D. Rose saying he was a "special guy." Plus he looks like a fruity light skinned dude.

Christy: haha Joakim isnt gay...well i dont think he is. he just didnt know what to say lol

Me: I think youre right. it just came out soundin mad suspect.

Christy: lol yeah he did look confused too..u could tell by the look on his face that he didnt know where that statement may go next lol

Anyway, this past week has been jam packed with things so I gotta get right to it.

NFL Draft:

I'm happy my rams picked Bradford. I wish Locker would have come out early, but Bradford may be the savior we need. And I would like to thank Denver for the WTF moment of the draft. Let me make one thing clear, I thought Tebow would go in the first round. I just thought the dummy to do it would be Al Davis. If Tebow was black he would have to be a RB. end of discussion. (Sidenote: I've seen the pictures of tebow's girlfriend. He's fuckin. Next. I have a suspicion that Tebow may be a vampire as he most definitely glamoured Josh McDaniels into making that pic. Like how Bill talked that officer into giving him his gun. yeahhh....) Also ESPN was trying too hard to stir the pot when they kept calling the ealges second round pick the "Donovan McNabb" pick. I mean, I get it. That's the pick they got for donovan mcnabb. But they made it sound like the guy will forever be linked to McNabb, because that's the pick they got for him. Uhh, no ESPN. That's not how it works. Does anyone even remember the guy's name now?

It was also cool to see Toby Gerhardt get drafted. Although, I'm not sippin the kool-aid on this pick. Toby is cool and all BUT...he is a FB. plain and simple, if he thinks he's an every down HB he's trippin. (Also, dude doesn't look like a football player, he looks like a cartoon character. I saw him on campus today, Flintstone lookin ass nigga ---> Yabba-Dabba Doo!!!!) He's not fast enough, and at best he could be a Lendale White. In college he was bigger than everyone and just knocked people over. I don't think he's gonna have the same amount of success playing brian urlacher twice a year, or against any NFLers as they're much Bigger, Faster, and Stronger than anyone he's played against before. Best of luck, but all this talk about if he was black....Dude should be happy more people aren't mentioning the fact that there was another white running back taken in the second round a couple of years ago. BRIAN LEONARD. yuuuup! <--drake voice

Matty from Big Brother 9 apparently beat his pregnant girlfriend. Big surprise (+ rolling my eyes). He mentally assaulted Natalie (right) in the BB house even though she would constantly dome him up. He's just a terrible human being. Which is surprising as normally guys with tatoos like that who like making the "myspace face" for for photos are generally well balanced. Well, speaking of terrible human beings...this guy....

Philly fan vomits on a little girl. (intentionally) Premeditated Barfing. Really? Thank you philly fan. Hurling on a young girl. Too bad you did so on an undercover cops daughter. Now we can add to the list that already includes racist, santa hating, and disgustingly overexpecting.

David Ortiz. Are you for real? You thought you could sneak down to the Dominican and rip Jay-Z's club name. If there's one thing lazy sluts aren't, it's being good at sneaking/stealing. You can see them a mile, or 2,000 away. and even if you try to claim you weren't ripping Jay_Z then what exactly did your 40-40 stand for. You haven't come close to stealing 40 bases ever. And you probably won't come close to hitting 40 homers ever again. Never has anyone fallen as hard or as fast as Big papi. It's sad really. Great nickname, great guy, bad player. I also heard that the red sox may release him before the all-star break...stay tuned.

Wade vs. Celtics. So D-Wade evened up the series. But he had to score nearly 50 to do it. Miami is basically making his decision to opt out for him. D-Wade should never be out after the first round of the playoffs. It's not good for the fans, and it's not good for the NBA. I think he and Lebron will end up on the same team together. *fingers crossed*

True Blood is Near and Playoff Basketball

2010-04-17T19:38:00.000-07:00

Is anyone else as hyped as I am for season 3 of TRUE BLOOD??? I hate when it gets close to the start of a new season of a show because i get more impatient. I could have waited 7 months no prob, but be having anxiety attacks in the last week. Sidenote: Is it wrong that I'm more excited for his than I am for graduation which will be earlier that day?

The NBA Playoffs started today too. Shaq is Back. And Lebron beat Derrek Rose and the bulls to go up 1-0. There are a few series I'm excited about this year. I think Heat/Celtics, Lakers/Thunder and Cavs/Bulls will be the best series. But I'm also interested in the outcome of the Mavs/Spurs series. Dallas is basically playing the best 7 seed ever. It just speaks to how deep the West is. The absolute clunker series that no one will watch include Nuggets/Jazz, and Bucks/Hawks. Just 48 minutes of garbage. Regardless, I'm excited. It's just too bad the commercials from this year are no where near as good as the one's in years past.

Last Year: Amazing and Inspiring

This Year: Just gets the job done. Nothing more. Lame

Date Night and People at Stanford

2010-04-14T13:09:00.000-07:00

So what if my male friend asked me to go see Date Night with him on Saturday Night? Yeah I went, and you know what I enjoyed it. Not as much as I would have hoped, but it had some funny moments. The weird thing is, I am totally addicted to Tina Fey (her face and pictures are all over this blog) but I had feeling I wasn't going to like this movie. I never watch trailers for movies I'm going to see because I feel like they give away the best jokes. Well, I probably should have watched this trailer because I was mad confused. When I heard about the movie a couple of years ago, they were trying to spice up their marriage by being swingers. *NOT AT ALL WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT NOW* However, I thought the movie spent too much time trying to weave in a narrative than tell jokes. Maybe I'm in the minority here, but if you're making a comedy-comedy, then there's not need to go out of your way to try and make a solid story. It's different if your goal is to have a drama with comedic moments. I dunno. I'm weird. Go figure...

Anyway, on to people at Stanford that annoy me

People who spoil shit: Don't tell me what's going to happen in 24 or LOST. I'll watch the show instead. Hmm, what's better, me watching the show and finding out, or YOU telling me??? I had this conversation with a friend the other day about 24. Don't worry, I'm not going to spoil you.

Friend: Hey Darius guess what
Me: huh?
Friend: Character X isn't actually dead and will be returning to the show. How cool is that?
Me: BLANK STARE
Friend: What???? I didn't tell you how character X was coming back?

Wack Girls: There's this one girl who I have dubbed "Waste of Tits" because she is an absolutely terrible person with perfect tits. It's a shame really.

Then there are the girls who let you buy them shit, and take them to dinner, and go all out of your way for them and they eventually hit you with the "oh! I thought you knew we were just friends." NO BITCH. FRIENDS PAY FOR THEIR OWN FOOD!

Slow Walkers are pretty terrible too. I'm writing a song about them. Anyway, just been warming up and posting blogs for the first time in a while. I'll be back into game shape soon. Until then, enjoy this video from my boy T-Pain and Andy Samberg

Donovan McNabb a Redskin, Lost

2010-04-10T11:41:00.000-07:00

Wow! I gotta say, I saw it coming, but I didn't see this coming. The Redskins!?!?! Like wtf??? for real. Although it is a lot better than playing for Al Davis. So there's that. But basically Philly is admitting they're rebuilding, and I honestly don't think they're any better than a 5 win team now. McCoy is not a full time back, as a true FB Leonard Weaver beat him out for carries down the stretch. McNabb carried that team last year. And while they may have gotten dismantled by the cowboys, that was a testament to their D that could not stop Tony Romo. The D had been terrible all season, but Dallas knew them too well, and knew exactly how to pick them apart. They made Tony Romo look like Joe Montana 2 weeks in a row. And then sure enough, a week later, Minnesota made him look like Tony Banks. If the D were up to par, they would have brought back McNabb to make another run at the SuperBowl. But they knew next year the D wasn't going to be any better, and they weren't going to sign him to an extension, so they pulled the plug.

I think it's interesting that he'll only have to stay in Washington for one season, and then he can presumably go to Minnesota or Arizona. (That's if there's no lockout) I do however like that the Eagles gave him a choice form the offers they had on the table. So while they certainly didn't want to face him twice a year, they figured they owed the franchise leader in touchdown passes, and yards, and passer rating something. It's a business, but it's always personal, and you could tell it stung as McNabb quipped he "never knew 33 was old." McNabb's my dude, so I'm pullin for him, and I hope the skins make the playoffs. On a hilarious note. The onion published an article about him being traded. Mad funny.

So LOST Yeahhh, I dunno man. It seems like every episode = "we're not safe here, let's go stand over there." All they do is stand around and talk about how confused they are. Note to future showrunners: this does not make for good/satisfying television. Plus these flash sideways are taking a very predictable turn. I just hope they move the plot. I'm not one that needs every episode to be action packed, BUT YOU MUST MOVE THE PLOT ALONG. Other than that, why did I watch the episode. So you could drop a few hints here and there. Naw dawg, Lost (even in it's final season) is proving to be a show that is much better for DVD than it is for television. But what can ya do? 4 more episodes until the finale, So i guess I best be enjoying it.

Relaunch!

2010-02-09T12:28:00.000-08:00

So what better day to bring my blog back than my birthday!!! Yeah, I've been out of it for a while, mostly beacuse blogging is work. And I want it to be fun, so I took my time off, but now I am back! What is up with LOST by the way? Not feelin it. First of all, they spend too much time dragging out shit that they clearly aren't goin to give us answers to so why waste my time. move on to another scene, but no, we have to wait and watch this thing slowly roll along. I hope they work out the pacing issues cuz i'm not happy right now. And these "flash sideways" are pretty predictable. That's the thing I used to like about lost. How unpredictable it was. but the last season was all centered around this one idea you could see coming a mile away and now were doing it all over again. #FML. seriously

I think I'm bitter because this day did not go as well as I would have liked. It was cool, but it kind of sucked.... more later

That was it!

2009-11-01T14:59:00.000-08:00

Damn!!! Mike's Film This is It was unbelievable. It's certainly worth the price of admission and sooo much more. To see sombody who truly was music. who owned the craft. Who cares so much about the music. It''s inspiring. I want to be like that in whatever it is that I end up doing. *Geez, I need to get on top of cover letters and apps ASAP

School Spirit Muthafuckas!!!

2009-10-17T20:08:00.000-07:00

School has been owning me. Plus I've missed every single new episode of everything that's come out. I will catch up, and report back soon. Never fear. I'm tweeting though twitter.com/2on2out

follow me!

Two minute drill

2009-09-15T22:13:00.000-07:00

Lots to get to so I'll jump right in. Because of the amount of stories, we'll keep each topic to a twitterish 160ish characters. Real rigid, I know. Got it? Good.

Lil mama:

She is getting destroyed by the hip-hop community. #lilmamais became a trending topic and it changed my life. some of my favorites #lilmamais "havin a hard time getting into jay-z's after party. and master splinter.

Beyonce: The greatest performer of our generation. I think the only person who cares as much about performing is Kanye. he's not on Beyonce's level, but he puts on great shows because his desire is there.

Lady Gaga: Her coming out party. I've been jocking her for some time now, but people got to see that she really is good. Her live singing was amazing, and her performance was an event. Fake killing herself. Genius. Plus she stole the show with her outfits. The red cover face was amazing. i literally cracked up watching for each one of her costumes outfits.
True Blood: The finale was ok but overall it was pretty underwhelming. There were some great cinematic shots (the bull) and character moments (jessica leaving for a night out) but overall, the cliff hanger was weak and the last four episodes of the season felt like someone frantically finishing a paper before turning it in two minutes later.

Big Love: My new show. It's tight. And the intro sequence is impeccable.

The rams: lead the league with the fewest points scored. 0. *sigh* we'll get em next week. (no we won't)

Big Brother: Jordan won HoH. And it was great to see Kevin and Natalie Squirm. She gave Natalie a pass though. Smart for her. But sucks for america. I didn't see who won i flipped over to

Jay Leno: I like his new show. It's the tonight show. It's just earlier. with no desk while he interviews people. But it's good. I hope he continues to dominate.

Wasted: I really like this song by gucci mane. "I don't wear tight jeans like the white boys. But I do get wasted like the white boys." lol

Patriots: T.O. is mad. he should be. Two catches. And as soon as dude decided to return that kick I knew it was a fumble. Plus tom brady seized the moment and once again got to have one of his, smug ass press conferences. He tries to act so nonchalant, but you can see it on his face that he thinks he's the best thing to ever happen. It's like I know you impregnated Bridget Moynahan and Gisele, and won three superbowls, but do you have to be suck a douche about it. #tombradystrikesagain

Til next time. Over and out

Kanye Was Right

2009-09-14T18:27:00.000-07:00

Don't get me wrong. It was Taylor Swift's moment. BUT Kanye Was Right. and I'll defend him since no one else will, and here's why:

1. Single ladies is an ICONIC video. Everyone has seen that video. There have been a ton of imitations on youtube and numerous spoofs on a plethora of comedy shows. There's of course the one move where you stick your arms in front and have them go back...you know what I mean. Anyway, there's no way in H*LL that Taylor swift's video has elicited that kind of reaction from the populous.

2. He exposed just how fraudulent the MTV award process really is. How can Single Ladies will for Best Overall Video, but not Best Female video. For real? This ain't a Caster Semenya issue. Beyonce is ALL woman!! So, can a baseball team be ousted in the first round of the playoffs and win the world series? No. It's beyond reason. MTV is simply trying to give as many awards to as many people as possible, because these stars are vain. They want to win awards. And you have to give them awards or else they're much more likely to skip your show or to decline performing which cuts into your revenue. How you gonna market a show with no stars. But it's also because we want to see our favorite stars be rewarded for their work. We want to watch Taylor's moment, and Beyonce's and Lady gaga's.

3. Would we even be talking about the VMA's if it weren't for Kanye? Nope. I mean, there were some good performances. Beyonce killed it (as usual) . Pink did some crazy trapeez shit and Lady Gaga killed it with her performance. And lil mama ran on the stage at the end. (This by the way is aruably the greatest VMA moment ever, but thats for another time) But the VMA's usual ly have great performances. Beyonce destroyed ring the alarm a couple years ago but no one ever really talked about it. (She's probably the greatest performer of our generation, and the only person I would pay over $200 to see perform live but it's just that serious) MTV just got madddd publicity out of all this. People will tune in next year because of what might happen. Yeah, believe it or not, MTV is thrilled about what went down.

4. Beyonce had to know she was going to win that award. Which again proves how rigged this all is. Taylor Swift was told to wait by the side of the stage. So I honestly have no idea who's idea it was to give her a chance to finish her speech. Maybe it was Beyonce, but maybe MTV set it up. It's all too much for me to try and figure out what really happened.

5. You don't give a fuck about Taylor Swift! No one does. 13 year olds do. And they don't stir shit up about how Kanye is the worst person ever. The media does. And if you do give a fuck about Taylor Swift, and you're over 13, YOU'RE A LOSER. Your life has all been a waste. Just quit now. Quick, name a Taylor Swift song. That's what I thought.

6. I think it's mainly because taylor Swift was a white. woman. If Kanye did that to Soulja Boy, people would be like, that was weird. And just move on. They'd pull a beyonce and say "Ohhh, Kanye." (yeah she mouthed it right after he took the mic and it's hilarious.) But people don't like Kanye anyway, I think it's a sucessful, young, COCKY black man that gets them. Yes he is cocky, and he refuses to stay in his place, and unfortunatly that makes people uncomfortable. And Donald Trump needs to shut his bitch ass up about a boycott Becuzzzz

6a. He had two muthafuckin Miss America's either get busted with dope or takin nude pictures. And then he's all "they deserve a second chance, we all make mistakes." Well if that's the case you should be number one on Kanye's support bandwagon. But we see what it's about with Trump. Money rules all. He has nothing to gain financially so all that second chance talk goes out the window. I'll never believe another word out of his mouth. (Unless of course he's going off on Rosie. Best. Rant. Ever!)

7. Here's one. People get upset at Obama because he calls Kanye a Jackass. But wait a minute. You're bashing Kanye just as much as Obama. But now Obama is the bad guy. Naw dawg, you can't have your cake and hate the black guys two. Pick one black guy to hate, and do ya thang. This just shows that they're actively trying to bring down sucessful black men. If you're truly mad at kanye there's no way you jump on Barack. So they're not really mad at Kanye. He snacthed the mic from a white girl, BOOM, let's get him. And finally

8. IT'S A FUCKIN MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARD. LET ME SAY THAT IN A KANYE-ESQUE ALL CAPS RANT! MTV. VIDEO. MUSIC. AWARD. Not an emmy, not a grammy, not an oscar. The trophy is a fuckin MOONMAN. It's one half step up from that hideous golden popcorn that they reuse every year. (yeah, they don't let them keep that one) The whole thing is a joke. He wasn't in front of congress. Though that Obama Kanye mash-up is hilarious. Listen, I laughed when I saw it. It was funny to me. Why didn't taylor, just say, 'Ok, that's awkward." and then go on thanking people. I mean cmon girl, step yo game up. and with that. I'm done.

A Woman Scorned

2009-09-05T09:26:00.000-07:00

They say hell hath no fury like one. And Jeff learned that the hard way on big brother last night. So basically Jeff screwed his pal Russell and made a deal with Natalie (left) and Kevin (his sworn enemies for like 60 days now). First of all, the only reason he evicted Russ was because Kevin said Russ was planning on backstabbing him. Ummm, Jeff, CONSIDER THE SOURCE!!! Geez. I wonder if Kev has anything to gain from misleading you. But Jeff not willing to lay down decides to reason with Natalie. Well natalie considers the deal, but here's the cold part. In the voting room, Natalie is all like. This is for Jessie! What? for Jessie!? You mean the guy Jeff evicted like five weeks ago. Way to hold onto a grudge bitch. And it was a tie vote so Kevin came out with his diva ass (he's gay) and was like *snap, snap* shut yo trap. Bye Jeff! and he was gone. Which is why I am also wondering about meeting up with this chick next week. Me and her had a thing that didn't end so well, so i'm thinking she may either stand me up, or try to kill me. Note to self: Better make our date at a public, well lit, place. Oh! I also met this girl the other night and she was cute, but she had a big fuckin head. I mean her head was fuckin huge. Like she had steroids injected straight into her dome. Which made me think. Do big head girls give better head? And if they do, do bobblehead proportioned head girls give out of this WORLD head! Honestly, i feel like she gives Mondo Burger Head. Real talk- I am so. Calling. Her. Back! But finishing up my BB thought...Jeff was mad because he was lied to, but you did the same thing to russ last week. As you would say, Cmon Bro...a [big brother] woman scorned? you should have seen it coming.

(As far as who i'm pulling for, I dunno. Natalie Looked kinda good, she almost made it to cutie with a booty territory before she blurted out. This one's for Chima! Ugh, so unnatractive....Michelle (left) who looks like a pig sometimes and cute the next is prolly my best bet. The hottest one Jordan (bottom) is Sooooo dumb, she ain't winnin shit and that will be her downfall. We'll see)

So LeGarrette Blount is suspended for a year after getting nice with a Boise football player. I mean, he DROPPED that other dude. watch the video. But for Hoyt, this has got to be embarrassing. I mean he gets hit and goes straight down. No stagger, he just collapses on himself. But real talk for a second. Hoyt comes over and taps blount on the shoulder and says *something*. Now I don't know what he said, but as Robert Smith of ESPN Gameday says, "there's only one word that he could have said" that would make him go. Hmmmm, what word was that? Death-panel. Public-option. No that's only reason to throw in a town hall meeting. Yeah, I'm guessing he called him the N word. Yeah, if so, he deserved to get clocked. Why hasn't Blount called him on it then. He would get a lot more sympathy that way. *as far as it being a sucker punch. I don't think so, If you watch the clip, blount throws the punch almost immediately after Hoyt taps him on the shoulder and talks shit. Rule number 1, If you talk shit, keep your head on a swivel* But Blount may have already burned up any good will by needing to be held back from going int the crowd. And this wasn't a "hold me back" situation, he needed to be held back or that one guy would have been on the wrong end of a (halo voice) Double kill. All that said, he's a senior, I don't think he should be suspended the entire year. He needs a couple of games to prove that he can play football or else he won't be drafted, and I fear he could end up like maurice clarrett.

-sidenote- Greg Paulus sucks. I can't believe the Syracuse high ups ok'd a duke PG to run their offense. He couldn't make the DUKE team. They haven't won a game in about 6 years. They haven't won multiple games in about 30 years. And they decided to pass (no pun intended). His throws are so weak. They are all of the dreaded "floating duck" variety. The next spiral he throws may freak his receiver the fuck out. It looks like he's still on high school football mode. He needs some of that brady quinn protein shake. first time i saw him throw a pass i was like damnnnn, the other qbs must suck. cuz they pulled him straight off the hard wood and gave him the starting job. i'm sure part of it was to sell tickets and get people talking about Syracuse again. but still, he looks ridic...

Shawty swing my wayyyyyy, Sho look good to me....

September Call Ups

2009-09-03T07:41:00.001-07:00

So yeah, Didn't mean to leave you hanging until September, but It happens right? right. So you know, per usual, whatever.

So Sandra Bullock is on Conan tonight! And she looks amazing. Ok, so the plan was to wait for Britney Spears to shave her head again and wife her up, BUT, I'mma need to go ahead and swoop on Sandra. I just gotta get past that big dummy Jesse James. And not the one that sings "wanted." can't. stand. her. I think it's official. I may have a type. But as for the power rankings (last weeks rank), here we go. Even one surprise call up from Alias making the cut.

1. Sandra Bullock (2) Her movie comes out tmw
2. Tina Fey (1) Always gonna be my girl.
2. Amanda Bynes(3) She's amazing. Follow her on twitter!
4. Jodie Foster (5) Total lez, but I still love her to death
5. Jessica Simpson (-) Single, Dumb, may be my best shot
6. Jennifer Garner(-) Too many kids. But I'd still holla.

Whoa, big news for my boy..

Michael Vick. Welcome back to the league. Week three! That's what's up. I feel Goodell on not wanting you to be the main storyline going into the start of the season, I mean you did lie to his face, but all in all, you got off EASY! If he really wanted his pound of flesh he could have waited until week six and then suspend you so yup. good job my nigga. Just don't fuck up, because I swear those peta ~~degenerates~~ enthusiasts will be all over you...

Donovan wants Michael to succeed.

Well Weeds ended with a bang this season. First of all. Mary Louise-Parker looked GOOD. REALLY GOOD. For the first time in a long time. She got made up real nice. She almost made a run at the power rankings. And without spoiling anything I'm glad that this season was not wasted. Honestly, Season four was garbage, but if you watch season four straight til the end of season 5 it's not that bad. 4 & 5 were essentially an extended season and there were about three solid stand alone episodes between them. Every episode I was like, why am I still watching. Then halfway through this season the threw something out there and I'm like ok. I see you weeds, and then I thought they forgot about it, but they didn't and I'm so happy. I can't wait to see where the series goes from here but hopefully they'll shift the focus back to being a dark comedy and not bland caricature-filled drama. I fucking swear, they were honestly one episode away from blowing it completely. Whew!

Sometimes you gotta double dip. She's hot

Oh man. I saw this today and I fell out because "Autotune the News", got T-Pain to make a cameo. classic. I'll be back to tomorrow to hit on big brother among other things..It got crazy last night, and I'm gonna need a night to process it all.

He's Backkkkkk!!!

2009-08-14T13:44:00.001-07:00

Welcome Michael Vick. Yes, The man who's graced the top banner from the beginning of this blog has a team. The EAGLES of all teams. This can't get any better. I was worried that he'd be signed by the panthers or worse yet the patriots. (barf) Speaking of the pats, I can't believe turtle didn't give him a piece of his mind on entourage. Plus he looks as good as the 07 version which is pretty scary.

I have no idea how Vick will be utilized, but I think they'll find an interesting way to have him on the field with Donovan McNabb. And I don't think it'll be in the wildcat formation. Also, those peta degenerates need to get a life. How about people for the ethical treatment of people? Hmmmm, stop worry about trying to get fido better tasting kibbles and bits and worry about getting people health care. Geez....

But the person who BY FAR is happiest about the michael Vick signing is none other than Rick Pitino. Don't think I've forgotten about you. Having sex in a restaurant, at a table, while your assistant is passed out a few feet away. WITHOUT A RUBBER! That's the real crime. Cmon man.....Focus. Adultery is an art form. Poor style Pitino.

I see you Stack! Part II

2009-08-10T13:09:00.001-07:00

Looks like Jerry is up to his old tricks. This man is always in the wrong place at the wrong time. FLASH BACK!

DEJA VU!

Lame Summer Days

2009-08-04T15:14:00.000-07:00

Man. I am bored. Bored and Angry. Bored because there is nothing to do in St. Louis, and Angry because my Fantasy League is going to shit. I told all those assholes that Rotisserie leagues will continue to play out the same way until the end of mankind. One team jumps out to an incredible lead and by august the league is essentially over. This year it was over by the all-star break, which means it was REALLY over by the end of june....JUNE. that's april, may, june, three months, of a 180 day season. That's wack. And here's the kicker. I bitched the entire off-season about how we needed to switch to head to head to keep it fresh and everybody shot me down. Well fuck that type of league, I'm out for good. And fuck them for not paying attention. Also, I have to deal with people who won't trade because they get a little excited when their team does well for one week. It's a business, you have to see what's sustainable growth and what's mearly a mirage. I can't wait til this one fucking team implodes on itself and then I'm going to rob him of all his players. Should be fun. Won't matter one bit in the standing, but I'm going to do it anyway to prove a point.

Now, let's move away from the other managers and call out the fucking gutless assholes that have been killing my team.

KEVIN GREGG- Occupation: Professional Dick rider/ Closer / Dream Killer- In the last week he has an ERA of 20. He threw two pitches sunday both of which were launched a combined 847 feet in a ridculously empty ballpark.

BJ UPTON: Occupation: Slut/ Center fielder / Cock Tease - A slut/cock tease may seem like a natural contradiction, but let me explain. This muthafucka is ranked 16 overall. and isn't doing shit. He has no power. He refuses to run. And his average is around the .240 mark. What really pisses me off is that I've had him 2 years in a row and he's fucked me twice. I bet next year he hits 50 HRs and steals 100 bases, because he is such A fucking CUM DUMPSTER. You could call him a young Mariah Carey. And speaking of Jizzhounds.
CARLOS LEE: Occupation: Cum connoisseur(num num num)/ Left Fielder /? - Carlos has picked it up lately. But a jizz junky is always 1 hard dick away from falling off the wagon. I'm tired of his bullshit. He follows up 5 RBI games with 0-4 stinkers. My goodness.

Well that was cathartic

Hard Hearted Hannah

2009-07-27T21:11:00.001-07:00

Wow, I certainly didn't mean to let the whole month go by without another post. My bad. So where to begin. The title is from True Blood, which was awesome once again. But I think they're taking a week off before another new episode. bummer. Basically, I've done nothing this summer. I wake up, and turn it on MTV. But this morning I was watching room raiders 2.0, yeah, the show has been on for about 10 years. and NOW we have 2.0. anyway, what's the most famous thing in the spy kit????? The black light, duh. Well not anymore, the go to device is the cell phone. They text their potential dates. I dunno how I feel about this. I kind of like it when things are interpreted completely out of context. There goes my plan of putting a surfboard in my room so a girl will think I'm a blond surfer dude. Oh well, I could always just lie. anywho, It's a stupid gripe, but you know, whatever. Oh, so what really pissed me off is the kid after the show. ...

Justin Bieber..WHO in the BLUE Hell ARE YOU!!?? This wanna be rapper/singer/wanksta fuckin pisses me off. I don't like Asher Roth anyway. But he did his shit on I love college. (Allen Iversohhhn, Hakeem Olajuwonnnn)The rest of his shit is wack, no doubt. But he's not tryna be a gangsta, so respect. But this lil muhfucka was tryna act all hard in the video. Well you know what. FUCK HIM! and fuck the muthafuckas who think I'mma even illegal download his garbage. I've flushed turds that have come out lookin meaner than him. whatever. I'm over it.

Meryl Streep sucked on the tonight show. She is not funny. and she is not cute. She is just a talented actress that is awkwardly unflattering to the eyes.
Update: In 2009, Diddy is poised to release his best album.....ever.
Ok Diddy. *rolls eyes* So basically Diddy has to decided to make an album with more than one single. I must say, I do like making his band, or at least the music they play during the auditions. Here's my question, If Diddy worked for himself. Would he be fired? Because it seems like he keeps churning out wack albums. I honestly have no idea. NO IDEA. how Diddy manages not to end up like Hammer.

I have a second date!!! I'm excited, and she's more awkward and shy than I am so I am sittin pretty. Only bad thing is we're going to the baseball game tmw and it's supposed to rain. I hope not, but either way, we should have a good time. Oh! So here's one, we were at a friends house the other day and a game of never have I ever broke out. So all of a sudden she gets super shy...She won't keep her fingers up and pretty much tries to hide. I'm wondering if that's how she acts, or if it was for my benefit. I dunno, but she wasn't shy when she was grabbing her tits during a game of thunder. It's funny how the closet freak in a girl can just show itself out of nowhere. Well, tmw I should start to get to the bottom of what she's all about

Oh man, I can't wait for Big Brother 11 tmw!!! This season, is shaping up to be another classic. And there's not even a black guy so I have no idea how they're doing it. Jesse and his, poor me, the girls all love me thing is getting old. and why was he always shity with Laura? He pretty much forced her out of the house, because Ronnie has no balls and is taking it in the ass from the atletes. But score one for Laura in exposing him to the group. Lame Ronnie, Lame....I'm gonna miss laura and her big ass titties. moment of silence please for Ms. Laura Crosby

It's on!

2009-07-06T09:19:00.000-07:00

with Alexa Chung. Yeah it's official. I'm smitten. She is so funny and goofy, and witty. And there's something extremely attractive about a girl who doesn't take herself too seriously. Like today she had a hot dog eating contest, and she participated. what?!?! it was tight, plus her show is cool, her guest made up a song about an audience member's facebook profile. it was pretty funny too. but her news segments are priceless. Oh, and the transformers helmet she wore. my goodness....oh, also, I love that she called Miley out on this. That's gross miley. TMI. I can't believe I have to tell her this, but she's only 16 so here goes....Don't tweet about taking a shit sweetie. k, thanks. moving on....

I just saw a commercial for the Real World: Cancun, and I half watched the episode last week, but I think I might get hooked this week. I'm hoping anyway. I think the girl Emily is HOT! (I think she spells it emiliee or somethin crazy. damn her momma is ~~stupid~~ creative!) But don't take my word for it. Witness....

So I've been fielding offers from a lot of girls lately. It's weird being full court pressed. Hopefully one really pans out into something great. at least for the summer. Oh, so claire tagged photos of us from this past year. She also sent me text messages, but I def did not respond. I don't have time for girls like her. She's one of those, pay attention to me because it makes me feel good girls. I actually started to care about her and really dig her and she tried to play me like a fool. well FUCK her. How does it feel to be chasin a brotha bItch. lol! (not gonna lie though, I really wanted to beat. She had long legs and smooth skin, I mean her skin was sooooo SMOOOTH) However.......I'm going to start chasing good ones. Oh, I need to call Paris. She is great, and I've been blowing her off. I suck. But my boy is coming back in town today! Hell yeah. let the games begin.

The King of Pop and McNair leave us....

2009-07-05T18:50:00.000-07:00

Michael Jackson. RIP, the man was incredible. I loved his music. I grew up listening to all his music. Even today his music still stands up. Nobody cares about records that the Big Tymers made, Juvenile, Jewel, Sisqo, people who were huge, but their shit doesn't Hold up. Hell I loved his last record, the one with butterlflies. That record still gets me. Not to mention, PYT, Thriller, Billie Jean, and his countless other hits. I loved what Jeremy Piven said, "If it wasn't for Mike, Justin Timberlake would be serving fries in the valley." I'm one of the few who thinks he didn't do anything to those kids. He didn't have much of a childhool , so he wanted to share what he missed with kids. He was just a black man that they tried to tear down, and are still trying to tear down even in death. Michael was great. He is a legend. And I will continue to enjoy his music. He revolutionized the game. Well done sir, your legeacy will live on. ...

And my man. Steve "Air" McNair. He was a good dude, and a great player. The thing I remember most about Steve was that he almost never practiced. Just about every week he was too beaten and battered to run drills, but he would be out there every sunday. If he played with the rules they have now who knows the numbers he would have put up. Now if you touch the quarterback you'll get a $25,000 fine. But he was so smart, and such an excellent passer that that his scrambling abilities were just the cherry on top. The man was just a Leader and a Winner. I was SO scared that he was going to rip my rams of their superbowl in 99. But I grew to love him because he was just SO GOOD. I'm glad he won an MVP, and I will retire the jersey I bought into my hall of fame. I loved playing with Steve, and it was an honor to have him onmy fantasy team. roo rooooo!

"As Your Maker, I Command You!"

2009-07-05T18:06:00.000-07:00

Shout out to Vampire Bill Compton for this cold ass catch phrase. Well today I was all hyped for a brand new episode and they hit me with a repeat. Just means i'll have to wait another week before I find out what scratched sookie!?!?! oh but favorite quote was from tara, when andy showed up at the party - "What's andy belfluer doin here? You think he'd have better shit to do, like I don't know, solve a murder."

Whoever plays Jessica is tight though. I mean, she has grown on me and is def a super cutie. I'm guessing they aren't done filming the show yet, so they're trying to give post a little extra time to finish up the final bells and whistles. Anyway, I love the show. But there are some weird ass vampire culture people that take this shit seriously. It's a little creepy. I mean, I love true blood, but I know that it's not real. These people that pretend to be vampires are wackos. Which begs the question, do people see me that way:-O.

(man they look good together, fingers crossed for season 6)

And WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with weeds. Another year of this unfunny bullshit. And the color scheme is killing me. mix in a fucking blue or yellow or green. The brown tint of Ren-Mar is fucking OLD. Kenji whatever the fuck just shitted all over the best thing she's ever done. and good for her for getting showtime to buy those three seasons up front. I guarantee weeds will not be back for a 7th season. UNLESS, conrad returns. Conrad, or somebody who tells jokes, and isn't a charicature like doug or celia. These used to be great characters, but now they're insignifigant. Plus Nancy losing her independence was not the way to go. It's like when Jack was a janitor in lost, bein all sad and shit, NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT! my goodness, I almost got worked uo for a second. on to more pleasant thoughts....

How about my girl Kelly Clarkson joanin on Perex Hilton. Now this shit is good. i love Kelly, she's so down to earth. And in this interview she pretty much confirms that I still have a shot with her because she's not a lesbian. Hell yeah! Check it out, skip to 8:15ish to see the part about perez, but the whole interview is pretty good.

Also looking forward to this flick I've been waiting on for the longest. It's got my girl Tina, and Jennifer Garner. Holla. I'll def be there on the first day! Check it. and I'm out

Return to Glory

2009-07-01T08:40:00.000-07:00

I've been putting off blogging for a while, but it's time to jump back in. Recently, I've fallen for Alexa Chung. I don't even know how it happened. I think it's her accent, Cuz she's cute, but she's not that cute, and her personality is the kind that makes yuou want to hang out with her. She seems cool to just chill with. Unlike Megan Foxbot who i'm pretty sure is so hot she hates people . I feel like she thinks she's wasting her hottness on humans and secretly desires to woo other space creatures. Just a thought.

Am I crazy for really wanting to read Kanye's new book???? I'm not going to buy it (duh), but I am going to read all 52 bullet-pointed pages in my local border's. here's a sample.

Thank you, and you're welcome

Here's a hater's review: hilarious
Kanye West seems mildly amused that these things called "words" can actually be written down and combined into interesting groups called "phrases" or sometimes even "sentences.

Anyway, Nurse Jackie is new. I like it. I'm starting to be a showtime groupie. Although they cancelled brotherhood and I was never into that. The new season of weeds has been kinda terrible. Nancy can't let me down two seasons in a row right? Plus how weird is it that her sister Jill was abruptly out of the season never to be heard from again? hmmm....My fantasy teams are doing well. I'm wheeling and dealing and the second half will be crazy. Just wait. Ok, this is a good start. coming back tmw...

I Love Lo

2009-06-01T22:09:00.000-07:00

Well LeBron is out. Ugh, I feel like the Magic are either really good or the cavs suck. We'll find out on thursday though. I see shaq getting on board early, when he tweeted "I'm a go wit da Lake show."

Spencer apologizing was really cool. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and hopefully he meant it.

Stephanie pounding that arrowhead. good for her.

"You're supposed to look like a godess princess amazing...on a wedding day" - Heidi, that is exactly what she said. i did not edit that gibberish

You dont bedazzle a wedding dress. Lauren showed. a miracle by the proudcers at mtv. this is so staged. kristen shows up...yeah right. why do they keep saying her full name too??? because she's taking over on the hills.

Lo's the best...You match (talking about LC and Kristen, did anyone else catch braless Krsiten jiggling down the aisle. It was A-MAZ-ING!!!)

i'm following her on twitter -

The real world Cancun = Key West....I hope not. That. sucked!

Audrina deadpanned when Kristen mentioned Justin-Bobby.

100% fake = kristen catching the bouquet.